bareiter-counseling-center

Finding Freedom: How Substance Abuse Counseling Supports Lasting Alcohol and Drug Recovery

Wed, 13 May 2026 13:31:54 GMT

"Why can't I just stop?"

If you or someone you love has asked that question — in frustration, in shame, or in the quiet desperation of 3 a.m. — you are not alone. Substance use disorders affect millions of people across every walk of life, and the struggle to break free from alcohol or drugs is rarely about willpower. It's about pain, patterns, and the deep human need for connection and relief.

As Proverbs 17:22 reminds us, "A cheerful heart is good medicine" — and sometimes the path to that wholeness begins with a single, courageous step toward help.

At Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte, our therapists and counselors understand that recovery is not a straight line. It is a deeply personal journey — one that deserves compassionate, evidence-based support.

The Hidden Weight of Addiction

Addiction is not a moral failing. It is a complex condition rooted in neurobiology, trauma, and unmet emotional needs. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), approximately 20.4 million Americans aged 12 or older had a substance use disorder in 2019 (SAMHSA, 2020).

Yet the stigma surrounding alcohol and drug use often prevents people from reaching out. Many individuals cycle through periods of use and sobriety without ever addressing the underlying pain driving their behavior. They feel trapped — not because they want to be, but because addiction has rewired the brain's reward and stress systems in profound ways.

This is where substance abuse counseling — supported by research and delivered by skilled therapists — can make a life-changing difference.

Understanding Addiction Through a Compassionate Lens

Physician and addiction expert Dr. Gabor Maté offers one of the most powerful reframings of addiction in modern literature. In his groundbreaking book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction (2008), Maté argues that addiction is not about the substance — it's about the pain the substance is meant to relieve. Drawing from his years of work with severely addicted patients in Vancouver's Downtown Eastside, he writes that the question is never "Why the addiction?" but rather "Why the pain?"

This shift in perspective is central to trauma-informed, compassionate substance abuse counseling. When therapists and counselors help clients explore the emotional roots of their use — rather than simply addressing the behavior — genuine healing becomes possible.

Maté, G. (2008). In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction. Knopf Canada.

Application: What Healing Can Look Like

Reflection Prompt

Ask yourself: What need am I trying to meet when I reach for alcohol or drugs? Is it relief from anxiety? An escape from memories? A way to feel connected — or numb? What might I be carrying that I haven't had a safe place to set down?

Gentle Practice

This week, try journaling for five minutes each day — not about your substance use, but about your feelings. Notice what emotions come up before a craving hits. You don't have to have answers yet. Simply becoming curious about your inner experience is the first step.

Spiritual Anchor

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." — Matthew 11:28. Whatever your spiritual background, this verse speaks to a universal truth: we are not meant to carry our heaviest burdens alone.

Evidence-Based Approaches in Substance Abuse Counseling

Effective substance abuse therapy draws from several well-researched modalities that address both the psychological and behavioral dimensions of addiction. Our counselors in Charlotte use approaches tailored to each individual's needs, including Trauma-Informed Care — foundational to Gabor Maté's approach — which recognizes that many individuals with substance use disorders have unresolved trauma that must be addressed in recovery. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is also available for clients whose addiction is tied to traumatic experiences.

What Is Trauma-Informed Substance Abuse Counseling?

Trauma-informed counseling acknowledges that past wounds — abuse, neglect, loss, or other adverse experiences — often underlie addictive behavior. Rather than asking "What is wrong with you?" trauma-informed therapists ask, "What happened to you?" This approach creates a safe therapeutic relationship where clients feel seen, not shamed — which research shows is essential for sustainable recovery (van der Kolk, 2014).

How Does Therapy Help with Alcohol or Drug Recovery?

Therapy for alcohol and drug recovery works by addressing the whole person — mind, emotions, relationships, and behavior. In counseling sessions, clients learn to identify triggers, build healthier coping skills, process underlying trauma, repair relationships damaged by addiction, and develop a personalized recovery plan. Studies consistently show that therapy, especially when combined with appropriate medical support, significantly improves long-term recovery outcomes (NIDA, 2018).

Clear Steps: What to Expect in Substance Abuse Counseling

In your first session, your therapist will listen — without judgment — to understand your story and your goals. Together, you'll develop a treatment plan tailored to your needs. Sessions may include individual therapy, skills-building exercises, and, if appropriate, referrals to additional support such as group therapy or medical treatment. Recovery is not a solo journey, and you will not be alone in it.

The Benefit

Clients who engage in substance abuse counseling often report not only reduced or eliminated substance use, but also greater self-understanding, improved relationships, reduced anxiety and depression, and a renewed sense of purpose and hope.

You Don't Have to Carry This Alone

If you began reading this wondering whether change is possible for you or someone you love, the answer is yes. Addiction is not the end of your story. With the right support, the right counselors, and the courage to begin, recovery is within reach.

As Dr. Maté so compellingly shows in In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, the hungry ghost is not the enemy — it is a part of us searching for something real, something healing, something whole. Therapy helps us find it.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you or someone you care about is struggling with alcohol or drug use, our compassionate team of therapists and counselors at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte is here to help. We offer substance abuse counseling and therapy for a range of concerns, including trauma, anxiety, depression, and more — in a safe, nonjudgmental environment.

You deserve support, and healing is possible.

References

Maté, G. (2008). In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction. Knopf Canada.

National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA). (2018). Principles of Drug Addiction Treatment: A Research-Based Guide (3rd ed.). U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

Therapy for Low Self-Esteem: Reclaiming Confidence and Self-Worth in Charlotte

Wed, 06 May 2026 14:15:03 GMT

`Reclaim Your Confidence With Therapy in Charlotte`

Do you find yourself constantly comparing your life to others, convinced you'll never measure up? You're not alone. Low self-esteem affects millions of people, quietly eroding their sense of worth and keeping them from living fully. The good news? With the right support from trained counselors, you can rebuild a healthier relationship with yourself.

Low self-esteem isn't just about feeling "down" occasionally—it's a persistent pattern of negative self-perception that impacts your relationships, career, and overall mental health. People struggling with low self-esteem often experience anxiety, depression, and difficulty setting boundaries. They may avoid new opportunities, tolerate unhealthy relationships, or engage in harsh self-criticism that would never be directed at a friend. This internal dialogue becomes a barrier to experiencing joy, connection, and personal growth.

Therapy offers a transformative path forward. Through evidence-based approaches, therapists in Charlotte help clients identify the root causes of their negative self-beliefs and develop practical tools for building genuine self-worth. Rather than simply boosting confidence through positive affirmations, effective counseling addresses the deeper patterns that keep you stuck.

Application:

Reflection Prompt: When you make a mistake, what do you say to yourself? Would you speak that way to someone you love?

Gentle Practice: This week, notice one moment when you're being self-critical. Pause and reframe that thought as if you were speaking to a dear friend facing the same situation.

Spiritual Anchor: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14). You are worthy of compassion—especially your own.

What Does Therapy for Low Self-Esteem Look Like?

Psychologist Glenn Schiraldi's research-backed approach in The Self-Esteem Workbook emphasizes that genuine self-esteem comes from recognizing your inherent, unconditional worth—separate from achievements, appearance, or others' opinions (Schiraldi, 2016). In counseling sessions, therapists guide clients through identifying cognitive distortions, challenging negative core beliefs, and practicing self-compassion.

How Can I Start Rebuilding My Self-Worth?

Begin by separating your worth from your performance. Schiraldi identifies three components of healthy self-esteem: unconditional human worth, unconditional love for yourself, and growing competence through skill development. Therapy helps you strengthen each area through targeted exercises and reflection.

Clear Steps in the Process:

Identify negative core beliefs formed in childhood or through difficult experiences
Challenge distorted thinking patterns like all-or-nothing thinking or overgeneralization
Practice self-compassion through guided exercises and real-life application
Build competence by setting achievable goals and acknowledging growth
Develop healthy boundaries that honor your needs and values

The Benefit: As you work through these steps with a trained therapist, you'll notice yourself making decisions with greater confidence, tolerating discomfort without harsh self-judgment, and experiencing more authentic connections with others. The critical inner voice loses its power, replaced by a steady sense of your own inherent worth.

You don't have to navigate this journey alone. If low self-esteem is holding you back from the life you want, compassionate support is available. The therapists at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte understand the complexities of rebuilding self-worth and are here to walk alongside you. Call us today to begin reclaiming the confidence you deserve.

References:

Schiraldi, G. R. (2016). The self-esteem workbook (2nd ed.). New Harbinger Publications.

Stress Management Therapy in Charlotte: Finding Relief Through Counseling

Wed, 29 Apr 2026 15:08:05 GMT

When Stress Becomes Overwhelming

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." – Matthew 11:28

Does it feel like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders? Do you lie awake at night with your mind racing, your body tense, unable to find peace? You're not imagining it—stress has become a national health crisis.

When Stress Becomes Overwhelming

Stress is a normal part of life, but chronic stress takes a serious toll on your mental and physical health. According to the American Psychological Association's Stress in America survey, a significant majority of adults report that stress negatively impacts their health, relationships, and quality of life (APA, 2023). When stress becomes chronic, it can contribute to anxiety, depression, sleep problems, headaches, digestive issues, and weakened immune function.

You might find yourself snapping at loved ones, withdrawing from activities you once enjoyed, or relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms like overeating, alcohol, or endless scrolling. The constant pressure can leave you feeling exhausted, irritable, and trapped in a cycle you can't escape. But there is hope: stress management therapy can help you break free and find lasting relief.

A Path to Peace

Counseling offers evidence-based strategies to help you identify stress triggers, develop healthy coping skills, and create sustainable balance in your life. Therapeutic approaches such as IFS, mindfulness-based stress reduction, and relaxation training have proven effective in reducing stress and improving overall well-being (APA, 2023). At Bareiter Counseling Center, our experienced therapists in Charlotte provide personalized stress management counseling that addresses your unique challenges and goals.

Application

Reflection Prompt: What does your body tell you when you're stressed? Where do you feel tension or discomfort?

Gentle Practice: Set aside five minutes today for deep breathing. Breathe in slowly for four counts, hold for four, exhale for six. Notice how your body responds.

Spiritual Anchor: "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." – 1 Peter 5:7

Understanding Stress Management Counseling

Stress management therapy isn't about eliminating all stress from your life—that's neither possible nor desirable. Instead, it's about learning to respond to stress in healthier ways, building resilience, and creating boundaries that protect your well-being.

How Does Therapy Help With Stress?

In counseling, you'll work with your therapist to identify the sources of your stress and examine how your thoughts, behaviors, and physical responses interact. You'll learn to recognize unhelpful thinking patterns—like catastrophizing or all-or-nothing thinking—that amplify stress. Your counselor will teach you practical techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery, time management strategies, and assertive communication skills.

What Can I Expect in Stress Management Therapy?

Your therapist will begin by understanding your specific stressors, symptoms, and how stress is impacting your daily life. Together, you'll develop a personalized plan that may include cognitive restructuring (changing stress-inducing thoughts), behavioral strategies (improving sleep, exercise, and time management), and relaxation techniques you can use in the moment. You'll also explore deeper issues that may be contributing to chronic stress, such as perfectionism, people-pleasing, or unresolved trauma. The benefit? You'll develop a toolkit of skills that serve you for life, reducing stress's grip and restoring your sense of calm and control.

You Deserve Relief

If stress is stealing your peace and affecting your health, relationships, or joy, know that you don't have to carry this burden alone. Relief is possible, and balance can be restored.

We invite you to reach out to Bareiter Counseling Center . Our compassionate counselors in Charlotte are here to help you find the relief and peace you deserve.

References:

American Psychological Association. (2023). Stress in America survey . https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress

Counseling for Depression and Mood Disorders in Charlotte: Find Hope and Healing

Thu, 23 Apr 2026 18:07:46 GMT

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." – John 1:5

Have you been living under a cloud that won't lift? Do you find yourself going through the motions of daily life, but feeling nothing—or feeling everything all at once? You're not alone, and what you're experiencing has a name.

When Sadness Becomes Something More

Depression and mood disorders are among the most common mental health challenges, affecting millions of people each year. Unlike temporary sadness or mood fluctuations that everyone experiences, clinical depression is a persistent condition that affects how you think, feel, and function in daily life. Mood disorders can include major depressive disorder, persistent depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, and seasonal affective disorder, each with unique patterns and symptoms.

Research shows that mood disorders involve complex interactions between biological, psychological, and environmental factors (Akiskal & Tohen, 2006). You may experience changes in sleep, appetite, energy, concentration, self-worth, or motivation. The weight of depression can make even simple tasks feel insurmountable, and the isolation it creates often deepens the struggle.

A Path Toward Light

The encouraging news is that depression and mood disorders are highly treatable through counseling. At Bareiter Counseling Center, our compassionate therapists in Charlotte specialize in working with clients experiencing depression and mood disorders, providing personalized care that addresses your unique needs.

Application

Reflection Prompt: What small thing brought you even a moment of peace or comfort this week?

Gentle Practice: Each day, write down one thing you accomplished, no matter how small. Getting out of bed counts. Taking a shower counts. You are doing more than you think.

Spiritual Anchor: "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." – Psalm 147:3

Understanding Therapy for Depression

Therapy for depression isn't about simply "thinking positively" or "snapping out of it." It's a collaborative process where you work with a trained counselor to understand the roots of your depression, challenge unhelpful thought patterns, develop coping strategies, and create meaningful changes in your life.

How Does Counseling Help With Depression?

In therapy, your counselor will help you identify negative thinking patterns that fuel depression—thoughts like "I'm worthless" or "Things will never get better." You'll learn to examine the evidence for these thoughts and develop more balanced, realistic perspectives. Your therapist may also help you reconnect with activities that once brought joy, improve your relationships, and address underlying issues contributing to your mood disorder.

What Can I Expect in Therapy for Mood Disorders?

Your counselor will begin by understanding your unique experience, symptoms, and goals. Together, you'll develop a treatment plan that may include talk therapy, behavioral activation (gradually reengaging with life), skills training, and strategies for managing difficult emotions. Many clients also find it helpful to work with a psychiatrist for medication management alongside counseling. Over time, you'll notice shifts—small at first, then more significant—as the fog begins to lift and hope returns.

You Don't Have to Walk This Path Alone. If depression or a mood disorder is stealing your joy and keeping you from the life you want to live, know that help is available. Healing is possible, and brighter days are ahead.

We invite you to reach out to Bareiter Counseling Center . Our experienced counselors in Charlotte are here to walk alongside you toward hope and healing.

Therapy for Panic Attacks in Charlotte: Regain Calm and Control

Thu, 16 Apr 2026 14:26:32 GMT

When Fear Takes Over

Your heart races. Your chest tightens. You can't catch your breath. In that moment, it feels like you're dying—or losing your mind. If you've ever experienced a panic attack, you know the terror is real, even when the danger isn't.

When Fear Takes Over

Panic attacks are sudden episodes of intense fear that trigger severe physical reactions when there is no real danger or apparent cause. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, panic disorder affects approximately 2-3% of adults in the United States each year, and many more experience isolated panic attacks (NIMH, 2022). Symptoms can include rapid heartbeat, sweating, trembling, shortness of breath, chest pain, dizziness, and an overwhelming sense of impending doom.

The unpredictability of panic attacks can leave you feeling powerless. You may begin avoiding places or situations where attacks have occurred, leading to increasing isolation and fear. But there is hope: panic attacks are highly treatable, and therapy can help you regain a sense of calm and control over your life.

A Path Back to Peace

Evidence-based therapies have proven highly effective in treating panic attacks and panic disorder. Therapy helps you identify and change the thought patterns and behaviors that fuel panic, while also teaching practical skills to manage symptoms when they arise (NIMH, 2022). At Bareiter Counseling Center, our experienced counselors in Charlotte are trained to guide you through this process with compassion and expertise.

Application

Reflection Prompt: What activities or places have you been avoiding because of fear of a panic attack?

Gentle Practice: When you feel anxiety rising, try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique: Name 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste. This brings your mind back to the present moment.

Spiritual Anchor: "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." – Psalm 56:3

Understanding Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Panic

CBT is a structured, goal-oriented form of therapy that focuses on the connection between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. For panic attacks, CBT helps you understand what triggers your symptoms and how your interpretation of physical sensations can escalate into full-blown panic.

How Does CBT Help With Panic Attacks?

In therapy, you'll work with your counselor to identify the catastrophic thoughts that accompany panic—thoughts like "I'm having a heart attack" or "I'm going to pass out." You'll learn to challenge these thoughts with evidence and develop more realistic interpretations of your physical sensations. Your therapist may also use exposure techniques, gradually helping you face feared situations in a safe, controlled way.

What Can I Expect in Therapy for Anxiety?

Your counselor will teach you breathing exercises, relaxation techniques, and coping strategies you can use during moments of high anxiety. Together, you'll create a personalized plan that addresses your unique triggers and symptoms. Over time, you'll build confidence in your ability to manage panic, reducing both the frequency and intensity of attacks. The benefit? You'll reclaim the freedom to live fully without the constant fear of the next attack.

You Don't Have to Live in Fear

If panic attacks are controlling your life, know that you don't have to face this alone. With the right support and evidence-based treatment, you can find lasting relief and peace of mind.

We invite you to reach out to Bareiter Counseling Center . Our compassionate therapists in Charlotte are here to help you regain calm and control.

Reference:

National Institute of Mental Health. (2022). Panic disorder: When fear overwhelms . https://www.nimh.nih.gov

OCD Treatment in Charlotte: Evidence-Based Help for Intrusive Thoughts

Thu, 09 Apr 2026 20:04:45 GMT

The Weight of Intrusive Thoughts

Do you ever have a thought that won't let go? A fear that loops endlessly, no matter how much you try to reason it away? For many people living with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), intrusive thoughts aren't just occasional worries—they're persistent, distressing, and can feel impossible to control.

OCD is more than perfectionism or a preference for order. It's a mental health condition characterized by unwanted, intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors or mental rituals (compulsions) performed to ease the anxiety those thoughts create. According to the International OCD Foundation, OCD affects approximately 1 in 100 adults in the United States, yet many people suffer in silence, unsure if what they're experiencing is "normal" or treatable (IOCDF, n.d.).

These intrusive thoughts can range from fears of contamination to disturbing, violent, or sexual images that feel completely at odds with who you are. The shame and confusion that follow can be isolating. But here's the hope: OCD is highly treatable with the right therapeutic approach.

A Path Toward Freedom

The gold standard treatment for OCD is Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), a specialized form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). ERP helps individuals gradually face their fears without engaging in compulsive behaviors, teaching the brain that the anxiety will pass on its own. Research consistently shows that ERP significantly reduces OCD symptoms and improves quality of life (IOCDF, n.d.). At Bareiter Counseling Center, our therapists in Charlotte are trained to walk alongside you through this evidence-based process with compassion and expertise.

Application

Reflection Prompt: What would life look like if your intrusive thoughts didn't control your day?

Gentle Practice: Instead of trying to push a distressing thought away, try simply noticing it without judgment. You might say to yourself, "This is just a thought. It doesn't define me."

Spiritual Anchor: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." – Philippians 4:6

What Is Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy?

ERP is a type of therapy designed specifically for OCD. It involves two key components: exposure (gradually facing feared situations or thoughts) and response prevention (resisting the urge to perform compulsions). This might sound intimidating, but it's done in a controlled, supportive environment with a trained counselor.

How Does ERP Help With Intrusive Thoughts?

ERP works by breaking the cycle of obsession and compulsion. When you're exposed to a trigger without performing a ritual, your anxiety naturally decreases over time—a process called habituation. You learn that you can tolerate discomfort and that your feared outcomes are unlikely to occur. Over weeks and months, the power of the intrusive thought diminishes.

In therapy, you and your counselor will create a personalized plan, starting with less distressing exposures and building up gradually. You'll also learn skills to manage anxiety and challenge unhelpful thinking patterns. The benefit? Real, lasting relief—and the ability to reclaim your time, energy, and peace of mind.

You Don't Have to Do This Alone

If intrusive thoughts are stealing your joy or making daily life feel unbearable, know that help is available. OCD doesn't have to define your story. With the right support and evidence-based treatment, freedom is possible.

We invite you to reach out to Bareiter Counseling Center . Our compassionate therapists in Charlotte are here to help you find relief and move toward healing.

Reference:

International OCD Foundation. (n.d.). About OCD . https://iocdf.org

Anxiety Therapy in Charlotte: How Our Counselors Can Help You Find Relief

Thu, 02 Apr 2026 15:58:24 GMT

Evidence-Based Approaches That Work

Do you ever feel like your thoughts are racing, your chest is tight, and no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to calm down? You're not alone. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), anxiety disorders affect 40 million adults in the United States—nearly one in five people. Yet despite being highly treatable, only about 37% of those struggling receive the help they need (ADAA, 2023).

Living with anxiety can feel overwhelming. It shows up in sleepless nights, avoidance of social situations, constant worry about the future, or physical symptoms like headaches and stomach issues. Many people in Charlotte and the surrounding areas carry this weight silently, unsure where to turn or whether therapy can truly make a difference.

The good news is that anxiety is one of the most responsive conditions to counseling. Through evidence-based therapeutic approaches, our counselors help clients identify the root causes of their anxiety, develop practical coping strategies, and reclaim a sense of peace and control in their daily lives.

Application:

Reflection Prompt: What would your life look like if anxiety didn't have the final say in your decisions?

Gentle Practice: This week, try naming one anxious thought when it arises and asking yourself, "Is this thought based on fact, or fear?"

Spiritual Anchor: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" (Philippians 4:6).

Evidence-Based Approaches That Work

Research consistently shows that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Exposure Therapy, and mindfulness-based interventions are highly effective in treating anxiety disorders (ADAA, 2023). Our therapists in Charlotte are trained in these modalities and tailor treatment to each individual's unique needs.

What does anxiety therapy actually look like?

In therapy, you'll work with a counselor to understand the patterns driving your anxiety. You'll explore how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected, and you'll learn skills to interrupt the cycle. This might include challenging distorted thinking, practicing relaxation techniques, or gradually facing feared situations in a safe and supported way.

How does this approach help with anxiety?

CBT and related therapies help you build a toolkit for managing anxiety in real time. Instead of simply talking about your worries, you'll actively practice new ways of responding. Over time, these skills become second nature, reducing the intensity and frequency of anxious episodes. Many clients report feeling more confident, more present, and more hopeful after just a few sessions.

You don't have to face anxiety alone. Our counselors at Bareiter Counseling Center are here to walk with you every step of the way. If you're ready to take the first step toward relief, give us a call or read more about anxiety counseling here: https://www.bareitercc.com/anxiety-counseling . We're here to help.

References:

Anxiety and Depression Association of America. (2023). Facts & statistics . https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/facts-statistics

Autism Therapy for Children: Specialized Support for Families in Charlotte

Fri, 27 Mar 2026 13:54:20 GMT

Finding the Right Path Forward When Your Child Needs More

You've noticed it for months now—the way your child lines up their toys just so, or struggles to make eye contact during conversations. Maybe preschool teachers have gently mentioned concerns, or family members have asked if everything is okay. You're not imagining it, and you're not alone. Many parents in Charlotte and surrounding areas find themselves searching for answers when their child's development looks different than expected.

The Challenge of Navigating an Autism Diagnosis

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) affects how children communicate, interact socially, and process the world around them. According to the CDC, signs can include delayed speech development, difficulty understanding social cues, repetitive behaviors, and intense focus on specific interests. The spectrum is wide—no two children with autism present exactly the same way—which can make finding appropriate support feel overwhelming. Parents often experience a mix of relief at finally having answers and anxiety about what comes next.

Specialized Therapy Offers Hope and Progress

The good news is that early intervention and specialized therapy can make a significant difference. Children with autism benefit from structured support that meets them where they are and builds skills at their own pace. Evidence-based approaches like Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), speech therapy, occupational therapy, and play-based counseling help children develop communication skills, manage sensory sensitivities, and build meaningful connections with others.

Application

Reflection Prompt: What small victories has my child already achieved, and how can I celebrate their unique way of experiencing the world?

Gentle Practice: Create a consistent daily routine with visual schedules. Predictability helps children with autism feel safe and reduces anxiety.

Spiritual Anchor: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

What Does Autism Therapy for Children Actually Look Like?

Specialized autism therapy isn't one-size-fits-all. Counselors and therapists trained in autism interventions work closely with families to develop individualized treatment plans. These might include sensory integration activities, communication strategies using visual supports, and parent coaching to reinforce skills at home.

How Can Therapy Help My Child Connect with Others?

Many children with autism want to connect but don't instinctively understand the unspoken rules of social interaction. Therapists break down complex social situations into manageable steps, teaching skills like turn-taking, reading facial expressions, and starting conversations. Through consistent practice in a safe environment, children gain confidence and competence.

The CDC emphasizes that recognizing signs early and seeking professional support leads to better long-term outcomes. If you're concerned about your child's development, trust your instincts.

You Don't Have to Navigate This Alone

Every child deserves support that honors their unique strengths while addressing their challenges. If you're searching for compassionate, specialized counseling for your child in the Charlotte area, Bareiter Counseling Center is here to help. Call us to discuss how our therapists can support your family's journey. You can also find more information at https://www.bareitercc.com/child-play-therapy.

Reference:

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (n.d.). Signs and symptoms of autism spectrum disorder . https://www.cdc.gov/autism/signs-symptoms/index.html

Family Therapy in Charlotte: Strengthening Communication and Connection

Fri, 20 Mar 2026 11:28:45 GMT

How Family Counseling Helps Charlotte Families Break Unhealthy Patterns and Build Stronger Bonds

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." — Proverbs 27:17

Does it feel like your family is stuck in the same painful patterns? Maybe conversations escalate into arguments within minutes, or perhaps everyone has learned to avoid conflict altogether, leaving important issues unresolved. You might notice that one family member always becomes the focus of problems, while deeper dynamics go unaddressed. Family life is supposed to be a source of support and connection, but when communication breaks down and old patterns take over, even the most loving families can feel fractured and discouraged.

The Challenge: Families Get Stuck in Unhealthy Patterns

Every family develops patterns of interaction—some healthy, some not. When these patterns become rigid or destructive, families struggle with chronic conflict, emotional distance, anxiety, and a sense that no matter what they try, nothing really changes. According to Dr. Murray Bowen, founder of Bowen Family Systems Theory, families function as emotional units where each member's behavior influences and is influenced by others (Gilbert, 2006). When one person is anxious or struggling, that anxiety ripples through the entire system.

Many families in Charlotte seek counseling when they notice recurring issues: a teenager withdrawing and acting out, constant battles between parents and children, siblings who can't get along, or multi-generational tensions that never seem to resolve. Without understanding the underlying family dynamics—the invisible patterns that drive behavior—families can feel stuck, hopeless, and uncertain about how to move forward together.

The Solution: Family Therapy Addresses the System, Not Just Symptoms

Family therapy recognizes that individual problems don't exist in isolation—they develop within the context of relationships and family patterns. At Bareiter Counseling Center, our therapists use evidence-based approaches to help families understand the emotional patterns that shape their interactions. Rather than blaming one person or focusing only on symptoms, family counseling explores how the entire system operates and how each member can contribute to healthier dynamics.

Our counselors work compassionately with families to improve communication, reduce anxiety, strengthen boundaries, and help each person develop greater emotional maturity and self-awareness. When families understand the "why" behind their patterns, they can begin to make meaningful, lasting changes together.

Application

Reflection Prompt: What pattern keeps repeating in your family? When conflict arises, who typically takes which role—the peacemaker, the scapegoat, the distancer, the pursuer?

Gentle Practice: This week, notice your automatic reactions in family interactions. Before responding, pause and ask yourself: "Am I reacting from anxiety, or am I responding thoughtfully?"

Spiritual Anchor: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." — Proverbs 15:1

How Does Family Therapy Help with Communication?

Family therapy helps families move from reactive, emotionally-driven patterns to more thoughtful, intentional ways of relating. In family counseling at Bareiter Counseling Center, you can expect:

Identifying family patterns — Your therapist will help you recognize recurring dynamics: Who gets anxious first? Who distances? Who steps in to fix things? Understanding these patterns is the first step toward change.
Reducing anxiety — Much family conflict is driven by anxiety that spreads through the system. Family therapy teaches skills to manage your own anxiety rather than letting it control your reactions.
Improving differentiation — Learning to stay connected to family members while maintaining your own thoughts, feelings, and values reduces conflict and increases respect.
Breaking triangulation — When two people are in conflict, they often pull in a third person (a child, parent, or sibling) to take sides or diffuse tension. Therapy helps families address issues directly rather than through triangles.
Strengthening communication — Families learn to express needs clearly, listen without defensiveness, and navigate disagreements without damaging relationships.
Healing generational patterns — Understanding how family-of-origin experiences shape current behavior helps break cycles and create healthier patterns for future generations.

The benefit of family therapy is transformative: families report feeling more connected, less reactive, and better equipped to handle life's challenges together. Individual members gain self-awareness and emotional maturity, while the family as a whole becomes a healthier, more supportive system.

Creating the Family You Long to Be

Just as the verse from Proverbs reminds us, we sharpen one another through relationships. Family therapy isn't about assigning blame or fixing one person—it's about helping the entire family grow, communicate more effectively, and build the connection you long for. With understanding, intention, and support, even deeply entrenched patterns can change.

If your family is struggling with communication, conflict, anxiety, or feeling stuck in unhealthy patterns, the counselors at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte are here to help. Our family therapists provide compassionate, research-based counseling that addresses the whole system and creates lasting change. Call us today at 704-334-0524 to schedule your first family therapy session.

Reference:

Gilbert, R. M. (2006). The eight concepts of Bowen theory . Leading Systems Press.

New Year Mental Health Goals: Setting Intentions That Actually Last

Thu, 12 Mar 2026 19:51:02 GMT

How to Create Meaningful Mental Health Goals in Charlotte Using Evidence-Based Psychology

"Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." — Proverbs 16:3

It's a new year, and you're ready for change. Maybe you want to manage your anxiety better, improve your relationships, or finally address the depression that's been weighing you down. You set your intentions with hope and determination—but by February, the motivation has faded, and you're back where you started. Sound familiar? You're not alone. Research shows that approximately 80% of New Year's resolutions fail by the second week of February (Norcross, Mrykalo, & Blagys, 2002). The problem isn't lack of willpower—it's the way we approach goal-setting.

The Challenge: Positive Thinking Alone Doesn't Lead to Change

Many people approach New Year's goals with pure optimism, visualizing success and imagining how great life will be once they achieve their aims. While positive thinking feels good, it often backfires. Dr. Gabriele Oettingen, a psychologist at New York University, found that fantasizing about success without considering obstacles actually reduces motivation and energy (Oettingen, 2014). When we only focus on the desired outcome, we mentally experience the reward without doing the work, leaving us less prepared to face real-world challenges.

This is especially true for mental health goals. Whether you're hoping to manage anxiety, heal from trauma, overcome depression, or strengthen your relationships, optimism alone won't create lasting change. Without a realistic plan that acknowledges obstacles and prepares you to overcome them, even the most well-intentioned goals can fall apart when life gets hard.

The Solution: WOOP Strategy for Sustainable Mental Health Goals

Dr. Oettingen developed a practical, research-based strategy called WOOP: Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan. This approach combines the benefits of positive thinking with the power of realistic preparation (Oettingen, 2014). Instead of simply hoping for change, WOOP helps you create a concrete roadmap that accounts for the challenges you'll inevitably face. At Bareiter Counseling Center, our therapists help clients in Charlotte apply evidence-based strategies like WOOP to create meaningful, sustainable mental health goals.

Whether you're working on anxiety, depression, relationship issues, or personal growth, therapy provides the support and accountability you need to turn intentions into lasting change. Our counselors work collaboratively with you to identify your goals, address obstacles, and develop practical strategies tailored to your unique needs.

Application

Reflection Prompt: What mental health goal matters most to you this year? What has prevented you from achieving it in the past?

Gentle Practice: This week, choose one small mental health goal and walk through the WOOP process. Be honest about obstacles and create a specific "if-then" plan to address them.

Spiritual Anchor: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." — Jeremiah 29:11

What Is the WOOP Strategy?

WOOP is a four-step mental contrasting technique that helps you set realistic, achievable goals by balancing optimism with practical preparation. Unlike traditional goal-setting that focuses only on the positive outcome, WOOP acknowledges both the desired result and the obstacles standing in your way (Oettingen, 2014).

How Do I Use WOOP for Mental Health Goals?

Here's how to apply WOOP to your mental health goals:

Wish — Identify a meaningful, achievable mental health goal. Be specific. Instead of "be happier," try "practice mindfulness for 10 minutes daily to reduce anxiety."
Outcome — Visualize the best possible result of achieving this goal. How would your life be different? What would you feel? Let yourself imagine the positive changes in detail. This step harnesses the motivational power of positive thinking.
Obstacle — Identify the main internal obstacle preventing you from reaching this goal. This might be lack of time, self-doubt, fear of failure, difficulty with consistency, or emotional resistance. Be honest about what typically gets in your way.
Plan — Create an "if-then" plan to overcome your obstacle. For example: "If I feel too anxious to meditate, then I will start with just three minutes and remind myself that something is better than nothing." This implementation intention prepares you to respond effectively when challenges arise.

The benefit of WOOP is powerful: research shows that mental contrasting significantly increases goal achievement compared to positive thinking alone (Oettingen, 2014). By acknowledging obstacles upfront and creating specific plans to overcome them, you build resilience and increase your likelihood of success. People who use WOOP report feeling more prepared, motivated, and capable of following through on their intentions.

Turning Intentions Into Lasting Change

Just as the verse from Proverbs reminds us, committing your plans with intention and wisdom leads to establishment and success. Setting mental health goals isn't about perfection—it's about creating realistic, compassionate steps toward the life you want. With the right strategy and support, change is not only possible but sustainable.

If you're ready to make this the year you prioritize your mental health, the counselors at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte are here to help. Whether you're struggling with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, or simply want support in achieving your mental health goals, we provide compassionate, evidence-based therapy tailored to your needs. Call us today at 704-334-0524 to schedule your first appointment.

References:

Norcross, J. C., Mrykalo, M. S., & Blagys, M. D. (2002). Auld lang syne: Success predictors, change processes, and self-reported outcomes of New Year's resolvers and nonresolvers. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 58 (4), 397-405.

Oettingen, G. (2014). Rethinking positive thinking: Inside the new science of motivation . Current.

Building Emotional Safety: The Foundation of Trust in Relationships

Tue, 03 Mar 2026 13:00:39 GMT

How to Create Secure, Lasting Connection Through Emotional Safety

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." — 1 Peter 4:8

What makes some relationships feel like a safe harbor while others feel like walking on eggshells? You might find yourself hesitating before sharing your thoughts, wondering if your partner will listen or dismiss you. Maybe you've learned to keep certain feelings to yourself because past conversations have led to defensiveness or criticism. When emotional safety is missing, even the strongest relationships can feel fragile and disconnected.

The Challenge: Without Emotional Safety, Trust Erodes

Emotional safety is the foundation of trust in any relationship—whether romantic, familial, or friendship. It's the feeling that you can be vulnerable, express your needs, and share your true self without fear of judgment, rejection, or retaliation. According to Dr. John Gottman, renowned psychologist and relationship researcher, trust is built in the smallest of moments through what he calls "sliding door moments"—everyday interactions where one partner makes a bid for attention, affection, or support (Gottman & Silver, 2015).

When these bids are met with responsiveness and attunement, trust grows. When they're ignored or dismissed, emotional safety diminishes. Over time, patterns of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—what Gottman calls the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse"—can destroy even the most committed relationships (Gottman, 1999). Many couples in Charlotte seek counseling not because they've stopped loving each other, but because they've stopped feeling safe with each other.

The Solution: Cultivating Emotional Safety Through Intentional Connection

Building emotional safety requires intentionality, awareness, and practice. At Bareiter Counseling Center, our therapists help couples and individuals understand the dynamics that either foster or erode trust in relationships. Using research-based approaches grounded in Gottman Method Couples Therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy, we guide clients in creating secure attachments and deepening emotional intimacy.

Emotional safety isn't created through grand gestures; it's built through consistent, small acts of turning toward each other rather than away. When partners learn to recognize and respond to each other's bids for connection, they create a relationship where both people feel seen, valued, and understood.

Application

Reflection Prompt: Think about a recent moment when you reached out to your partner (or a loved one) for connection. How did they respond? How did their response make you feel?

Gentle Practice: This week, notice when your partner makes a bid for your attention—whether it's a comment about their day, a request for help, or a shared observation. Turn toward them with curiosity and presence, even if it's just for a moment.

Spiritual Anchor: "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." — Ephesians 4:2

What Are Bids for Connection?

Dr. Gottman's research reveals that successful relationships are built on partners consistently turning toward each other's bids for connection rather than turning away or against them (Gottman & Silver, 2015). A bid can be as simple as "Look at that sunset" or "I had a rough day." These moments are invitations for connection, and how we respond determines whether trust deepens or deteriorates.

How Do I Build Emotional Safety in My Relationship?

Building emotional safety is a daily practice. Here are clear steps to strengthen trust and connection:

Notice the bids — Pay attention when your partner reaches out, even in small ways. A comment, a question, or a gesture is often an invitation to connect.
Turn toward, not away — Respond with interest and warmth. Put down your phone, make eye contact, and engage. Even a simple "Tell me more" shows you care.
Practice curiosity over judgment — When your partner shares something vulnerable, resist the urge to criticize, fix, or dismiss. Ask questions and listen to understand, not to respond.
Repair when you miss the mark — No one responds perfectly every time. When you turn away or react defensively, acknowledge it and reconnect. "I'm sorry I snapped earlier—I want to hear what you were saying."
Create rituals of connection — Build small daily habits like morning coffee together, a walk after dinner, or a weekly check-in where you both share what's on your heart.

The benefit of building emotional safety is transformative. Couples report feeling more connected, less defensive, and more hopeful about their relationship. When both partners feel safe, they can navigate conflict with respect, share their needs without fear, and grow together rather than apart.

Creating the Safe Harbor You Long For

Just as the verse from 1 Peter reminds us, love requires depth and intentionality. Emotional safety isn't automatic—it's cultivated through consistent acts of turning toward each other, listening with empathy, and responding with care. When you invest in emotional safety, you create the secure foundation every lasting relationship needs.

If you're struggling with trust, communication, or feeling emotionally disconnected in your relationship, you don't have to navigate it alone. The counselors at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte specialize in helping individuals and couples build emotional safety and strengthen their connections. Call us today at 704-334-0524 or visit us at https://www.bareitercc.com/marriage-counseling-and-couples-therapy to learn more about our couples counseling and relationship therapy services.

References:

Gottman, J. M. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work . Crown Publishers.

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country's foremost relationship expert (Rev. ed.). Harmony Books.

Trauma Counseling: Compassionate Therapy for Healing from the Past

Mon, 23 Feb 2026 22:55:50 GMT

How Trauma-Informed Therapy in Charlotte Helps You Reclaim Your Life

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." — Psalm 34:18

Have you ever felt like your body remembers something your mind is trying to forget? Maybe certain sounds, smells, or situations trigger intense anxiety, anger, or a desire to shut down completely. You might feel constantly on edge, struggle with sleep, or find yourself reliving painful memories even though the danger has passed. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone—and you're not broken. Your body and mind are doing exactly what they were designed to do in response to trauma.

The Challenge: Trauma Lives in the Body

Trauma is more than a distressing memory; it's an experience that fundamentally changes how our nervous system responds to the world. According to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, psychiatrist and author of The Body Keeps the Score , trauma is stored not just in our thoughts but in our bodies—in muscle tension, breathing patterns, and physical sensations (van der Kolk, 2014). This is why people who have experienced trauma often struggle with chronic pain, digestive issues, panic attacks, and a sense of being disconnected from their own bodies.

Many people in Charlotte live with the aftermath of traumatic experiences—whether from childhood abuse, domestic violence, car accidents, military service, medical trauma, or other deeply painful events. Traditional talk therapy alone may not be enough to address trauma because it primarily engages the thinking brain, while trauma is held in the emotional and physical parts of the brain that don't respond to logic or reasoning (van der Kolk, 2014). Without trauma-informed treatment, survivors may feel stuck, hopeless, and as though healing is impossible.

The Solution: Trauma-Informed Counseling Offers a Path to Healing

Trauma counseling recognizes that healing requires addressing the whole person—mind, body, and emotions. At Bareiter Counseling Center, our therapists are trained in trauma-informed approaches that create safety, rebuild trust, and help clients process painful experiences without retraumatization. We use evidence-based therapies such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), somatic experiencing, and cognitive processing therapy to help clients move from survival mode to a place of empowerment and peace.

Our counselors understand that trauma is not your fault and that your reactions—whether hypervigilance, avoidance, or emotional numbness—are adaptive responses to overwhelming experiences. With compassion and expertise, we walk alongside you as you reclaim your life and discover that healing is possible.

Application

Reflection Prompt: When you think about your trauma, where do you feel it in your body? What sensations arise—tightness, heaviness, numbness, or something else?

Gentle Practice: This week, practice grounding yourself when triggered. Notice five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. This brings you back to the present moment.

Spiritual Anchor: "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." — Psalm 147:3

How Does EMDR Help with Trauma?

EMDR is a specialized therapy designed to help the brain reprocess traumatic memories so they no longer trigger overwhelming emotional and physical reactions. Van der Kolk explains that trauma memories are often stored in fragments—images, sounds, sensations—that feel as vivid and threatening as the original event (van der Kolk, 2014). EMDR uses bilateral stimulation, such as guided eye movements, to help the brain integrate these fragments and move them from a place of distress to a place of resolution.

What Can I Expect in Trauma Counseling?

Trauma therapy is a collaborative, client-centered process that moves at your pace. At Bareiter Counseling Center, trauma counseling typically includes:

Building safety and trust — Creating a therapeutic relationship where you feel seen, heard, and respected. Your counselor will work with you to establish coping skills and a sense of stability before processing trauma.
Understanding your trauma response — Learning how trauma affects the brain and body helps normalize your experiences. You're not overreacting—your nervous system is protecting you.
Processing traumatic memories — Using approaches like EMDR, IFS, somatic therapy, or narrative therapy, you'll work through painful experiences in a way that reduces their emotional charge and allows healing to occur.
Reconnecting with yourself — Trauma often leads to disconnection from your body, emotions, and sense of self. Therapy helps you rebuild that connection and discover who you are beyond the trauma.
Building resilience and moving forward — As healing progresses, you'll develop new coping strategies, strengthen relationships, and create a life that reflects your values and hopes.

The benefit of trauma counseling is profound: clients report feeling less triggered, more grounded, and able to engage in life without constantly feeling on guard. They learn that their past doesn't have to define their future and that they have the strength to heal.

Reclaiming Your Story

Just as the psalm reminds us, the brokenhearted are not forgotten. Trauma may have shaped your story, but it doesn't have to write the ending. With compassionate, trauma-informed care, healing is not only possible—it's within reach.

If you're struggling with the effects of trauma—whether anxiety, depression, PTSD, or feeling disconnected from yourself and others—you don't have to carry this burden alone. The counselors at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte are here to provide compassionate, research-based trauma therapy tailored to your unique needs. Learn more about trauma therapy at Bareiter Counseling Center by following this link: https://www.bareitercc.com/therapy-for-trauma

Call us today at 704-334-0524 to begin your healing journey.

Reference:

van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma . Viking.

Premarital Counseling at Bareiter: Build a Strong Foundation for Marriage

Thu, 18 Dec 2025 19:54:25 GMT

How Premarital Counseling in Charlotte Prepares Couples for a Lifetime Together

"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." — Mark 10:9

You've said yes to forever. The ring is on your finger, the venue is booked, and excitement fills the air. But amid the wedding planning, have you thought about marriage planning? While choosing flowers and cake flavors is fun, the real work of building a lasting relationship requires intentionality, honest conversation, and preparation. Premarital counseling isn't about fixing problems—it's about preventing them and creating a strong foundation before you say "I do."

The Challenge: Many Couples Enter Marriage Unprepared

Despite the best intentions, many couples enter marriage without fully understanding what it takes to build a healthy, lasting partnership. According to Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, authors of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts , most couples spend more time planning their wedding than preparing for their marriage (Parrott & Parrott, 2015). Without addressing expectations around finances, conflict resolution, intimacy, family dynamics, and personal values, couples can find themselves blindsided by challenges they didn't see coming.

Unspoken assumptions about roles, communication styles, and life goals can create misunderstandings and disappointment. Research shows that couples who participate in premarital counseling report higher levels of marital satisfaction and are 30% less likely to divorce than those who don't (Stanley, Amato, Johnson, & Markman, 2006). The investment you make before marriage can shape the quality of your relationship for years to come.

The Solution: Premarital Counseling Creates a Roadmap for Success

Premarital counseling provides engaged couples with the tools, insights, and skills they need to navigate the journey ahead. At Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte, our licensed therapists work with couples to explore important topics such as communication patterns, conflict resolution, financial planning, family expectations, intimacy, and shared values. Rather than waiting for problems to arise, premarital counseling equips couples to build healthy habits from the start.

Using evidence-based approaches and resources like the Parrots' Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts workbook, our counselors help couples identify potential areas of growth, understand each other's backgrounds and attachment styles, and create a shared vision for their future together.

Application

Reflection Prompt: What are your biggest hopes and fears about marriage? Have you shared these openly with your partner?

Gentle Practice: This week, set aside time to discuss one topic you've been avoiding—whether it's money, in-laws, or how you'll handle conflict. Approach the conversation with curiosity rather than judgment.

Spiritual Anchor: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." — 1 Corinthians 13:4

What Happens in Premarital Counseling?

Premarital counseling is a proactive, collaborative process designed to strengthen your relationship before challenges arise. The Parrotts emphasize that successful marriages are built on self-awareness, realistic expectations, and effective communication (Parrott & Parrott, 2015). Sessions typically focus on helping couples understand themselves and each other more deeply.

What Topics Are Covered in Premarital Counseling?

In premarital counseling at Bareiter Counseling Center, couples can expect to explore:

Communication and conflict resolution — Learning how to express needs, listen actively, and navigate disagreements without damaging the relationship.
Financial goals and values — Discussing money management, spending habits, debt, and how to make financial decisions together.
Family backgrounds and expectations — Understanding how your upbringing shapes your view of marriage, parenting, and relationships.
Intimacy and connection — Addressing physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy and how to maintain closeness over time.
Shared vision and values — Identifying common goals, discussing roles and responsibilities, and creating a roadmap for your life together.
Potential challenges — Preparing for stressors like career changes, parenting, health issues, and how to support each other through difficult seasons.

The benefit of premarital counseling is clear: couples gain clarity, build trust, and enter marriage with confidence. Rather than hoping things will work out, you'll have the tools and understanding needed to create a resilient, joyful partnership.

Investing in Your Future Together

Just as the verse from Mark reminds us, what God joins together is meant to last. Premarital counseling isn't a sign that something is wrong—it's a sign that you're committed to doing things right. By investing in your relationship now, you're setting the stage for a lifetime of growth, connection, and love.

If you're engaged and want to build a strong foundation for your marriage, the counselors at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte are here to help. Our premarital counseling services provide the support and guidance you need to start your marriage with confidence and clarity. Call us today at 704-334-0524 or visit our website at https://www.bareitercc.com/marriage-counseling-and-couples-therapy to learn more about our premarital and couples counseling and to schedule your first session.

References:

Parrott, L., & Parrott, L. (2015). Saving your marriage before it starts: Seven questions to ask before—and after—you marry . Zondervan.

Stanley, S. M., Amato, P. R., Johnson, C. A., & Markman, H. J. (2006). Premarital education, marital quality, and marital stability: Findings from a large, random household survey. Journal of Family Psychology, 20 (1), 117-126.

Teen & Young Adult Counseling: Helping Adolescents Navigate Life's Challenges

Wed, 10 Dec 2025 18:38:06 GMT

Supporting Teens Through the Transformative Years of Adolescence

If you've ever watched a teenager struggle with emotional intensity, impulsivity, or seemingly irrational decisions, you're not alone. Parents across Charlotte often wonder: Is this normal? Will they outgrow this? How can I help? The adolescent years—from roughly age 12 to 24—are among the most misunderstood periods of human development, yet they hold extraordinary potential for growth, creativity, and transformation.

The Challenge: Understanding the Adolescent Brain

Adolescence is not simply a phase to endure; it's a critical developmental period characterized by profound changes in the brain. According to Dr. Daniel J. Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA and author of Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain , the teenage years are marked by four key features: novelty seeking, social engagement, increased emotional intensity, and creative exploration (Siegel, 2013). While these traits can lead to risk-taking and conflict, they also serve essential purposes in helping young people develop independence, form meaningful relationships, and discover their identity.

Many teens and young adults in the Charlotte area struggle with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, and the pressure to succeed academically and socially. Without understanding the neurological basis for their behavior, both teens and their parents can feel frustrated, disconnected, and hopeless. Traditional counseling approaches that don't account for adolescent brain development may miss the mark entirely.

The Solution: Developmentally-Informed Therapy for Teens

Effective teen and young adult counseling begins with understanding why the adolescent brain works the way it does. Therapists who specialize in this age group recognize that the teenage years involve significant remodeling of brain circuits, particularly in areas responsible for emotional regulation, impulse control, and decision-making (Siegel, 2013). Rather than pathologizing normal developmental processes, skilled counselors help teens harness their natural strengths while building skills to manage the challenges.

At Bareiter Counseling Center, our therapists work collaboratively with adolescents to address issues like anxiety, depression, trauma, self-esteem struggles, and family conflict. We create a safe, non-judgmental space where young people can explore their thoughts and feelings, develop healthy coping strategies, and build resilience for the future.

Application

Reflection Prompt: When you think about your teen years (or your teen's current experience), what emotions or struggles stand out most? What strength or quality helped you (or could help them) navigate that time?

Gentle Practice: This week, practice curiosity instead of judgment when observing teenage behavior. Ask, "What might be driving this?" rather than "Why are they acting this way?"

Spiritual Anchor: "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." — Romans 12:2

How Does Understanding Brain Development Help in Therapy?

When teens understand that their brains are literally under construction, it normalizes their experience. Siegel explains that increased dopamine activity during adolescence drives the desire for rewards and novel experiences, while the prefrontal cortex—responsible for weighing consequences and controlling impulses—is still maturing (Siegel, 2013). This mismatch can lead to poor decisions, but it also fuels creativity, passion, and the courage to try new things.

In counseling, we help teens recognize these patterns in themselves. We teach practical skills for emotion regulation, such as mindfulness techniques, cognitive reframing, and distress tolerance. For teens dealing with trauma, approaches like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can be particularly effective in processing painful memories without reliving them in detail.

What Can Parents and Teens Expect in Counseling?

Teen therapy is collaborative and tailored to each individual. Sessions may include:

Building rapport and trust — Creating a safe space where teens feel heard and understood
Identifying goals — What does the teen want to change or feel better about?
Skill-building — Learning practical tools for managing anxiety, depression, anger, or stress
Processing difficult experiences — Working through trauma, grief, or relationship challenges
Strengthening family connections — When appropriate, involving parents to improve communication and understanding

The benefit? Teens gain self-awareness, confidence, and the ability to navigate life's challenges with resilience. They learn that their struggles don't define them and that growth is always possible.

Moving Forward with Hope

Just as the quote from Romans reminds us, transformation happens through the renewing of the mind. The teenage years are not something to simply survive—they're an opportunity for profound growth and discovery. With the right support, teens and young adults can harness the unique strengths of their developing brains and emerge with greater clarity, purpose, and emotional health.

If your teen or young adult is struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, or the everyday challenges of adolescence, you don't have to navigate it alone. The counselors at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte are here to provide compassionate, research-based support tailored to the unique needs of this age group. Check out our teen counseling webpage here: https://www.bareitercc.com/teen-counseling

Call us today at 704-334-0524 to learn more about our teen and young adult counseling services.

Reference:

Siegel, D. J. (2013). Brainstorm: The power and purpose of the teenage brain . TarcherPerigee.

Child Counseling in Charlotte: How Our Therapists Help Children Thrive

Thu, 04 Dec 2025 14:57:37 GMT

Helping Your Child Navigate Big Emotions Through Brain-Based Counseling in Charlotte

"Why does my child melt down over the smallest things?" "How can I help them when they're so overwhelmed they can't even talk to me?" If you've asked yourself these questions, you're not alone. Many parents in Charlotte come to us feeling exhausted and confused by their child's intense emotional reactions. The good news is that understanding how your child's brain works can transform these challenging moments into opportunities for growth and connection.

When Children Struggle to Manage Their Emotions

Children often experience emotions that feel too big to handle. Whether it's anxiety about school, sadness over friendship struggles, or explosive anger that seems to come from nowhere, these overwhelming feelings can leave both children and parents feeling helpless. Without the right tools and support, these patterns can impact a child's self-esteem, relationships, and ability to succeed in daily life.

Brain-Based Counseling: A Path to Emotional Resilience

Our child therapists in Charlotte use brain-based approaches to help children develop emotional regulation skills. Research from neuroscience shows us that a child's brain is still developing, particularly the areas responsible for self-control and emotional management. Dr. Daniel Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson explain in The Whole-Brain Child that when children are upset, their "downstairs brain" (the reactive, emotional part) takes over, while their "upstairs brain" (the thinking, reasoning part) goes offline. Our counselors help children strengthen the connection between these two parts of the brain, building skills that last a lifetime.

Application

Reflection Prompt: When does your child seem most overwhelmed by their emotions? What patterns do you notice?

Gentle Practice: The next time your child is upset, get down on their level, make eye contact, and simply name what you see: "You seem really frustrated right now." This simple act of connection can help bring their upstairs brain back online.

Spiritual Anchor: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1)

Teaching Children to "Name It to Tame It"

What Does Brain-Based Therapy Look Like for Children?

One powerful tool our Charlotte counselors use is helping children learn to identify and express their feelings. Siegel and Bryson call this "name it to tame it." When children can put words to their emotional experience, it actually calms the reactive parts of their brain and engages the thinking parts. This isn't just theory—brain imaging studies show that labeling emotions reduces activity in the amygdala, the brain's alarm center.

How Does Naming Emotions Help with Anxiety and Big Feelings?

In therapy sessions, our counselors create a safe space where children can explore their feelings without judgment. Through play, art, and conversation, children learn to recognize physical sensations in their bodies that signal different emotions. A child might discover that anxiety feels like butterflies in their stomach, while anger feels like heat in their chest.

Here's how this process typically unfolds in counseling:

Building Safety : The therapist creates a warm, accepting environment where the child feels comfortable expressing themselves
Developing Emotional Vocabulary : Children learn names for different feelings and practice identifying them in stories, pictures, and their own experiences
Connecting Body and Brain : Kids discover how emotions show up physically and learn to recognize warning signs before emotions become overwhelming
Practicing Regulation : Therapists teach age-appropriate coping strategies like deep breathing, movement, or creative expression

The benefit of this approach is profound. Children who learn to name their emotions develop greater self-awareness, improved relationships with peers and family, and increased confidence in handling life's challenges. They move from feeling controlled by their emotions to feeling capable of managing them.

Supporting Your Child's Emotional Growth

Understanding that your child's brain is still developing can bring compassion to those difficult moments. With the right support, children can learn to navigate their big emotions and build resilience that serves them throughout life. Our child counselors in Charlotte specialize in creating individualized treatment plans that meet each child exactly where they are.

If your child is struggling with anxiety, emotional regulation, behavioral challenges, or trauma, we're here to help. Contact Bareiter Counseling Center at 704-334-0524 to schedule an appointment. Together, we can help your child develop the skills they need to thrive.

For more information about children’s therapy at Bareiter Counseling Center, click here: https://www.bareitercc.com/child-play-therapy

References

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child's developing mind . Bantam Books.

Finding Hope Through Evidence-Based Treatment: Your Path to Anxiety and Depression Recovery

Thu, 27 Nov 2025 15:28:47 GMT

Discover How Professional Therapists in Charlotte Use ADAA Guidelines to Transform Lives Through Proven Counseling Methods

Have you ever felt trapped in a cycle where anxiety feeds depression, and depression fuels more anxiety? You're not alone. Sarah, a 34-year-old teacher in Charlotte, described it perfectly: "It's like being caught in a storm where the rain makes the wind stronger, and the wind makes the rain feel heavier."

The Problem

Millions of Americans struggle with the devastating combination of anxiety and depression. The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that more than 21% of U.S. adults will experience a mood disorder at some point in their lives and 31% will experience an anxiety disorder. Yet despite these staggering numbers, many people suffer in silence, unsure of where to turn or whether treatment will actually work.

The challenge isn't just finding help—it's finding the right help. With so many therapeutic approaches available, how do you know which treatments are backed by solid research and proven results?

The Solution

The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) is an international nonprofit membership organization dedicated to the prevention, treatment, and cure of anxiety, depression, OCD, PTSD, and co-occurring disorders through education, practice, and research. Their evidence-based guidelines provide a roadmap for effective treatment, ensuring that both therapists and clients can move forward with confidence.

Evidence-Based Therapy: Your Foundation for Healing

Research consistently shows that certain therapeutic approaches deliver measurable results. Internal Family Systems (IFS), for instance, doesn't just help you feel better temporarily—it teaches you skills that create lasting change.

Here's how evidence-based therapy works:

Assessment : Your therapist conducts a thorough evaluation to understand your specific symptoms and triggers
Goal Setting : Together, you establish clear, measurable objectives for your healing journey
Skill Building : You learn practical techniques to manage anxiety and depression symptoms
Practice : You apply these tools in real-life situations with ongoing support
Progress Monitoring : Regular check-ins ensure your treatment is working effectively

The Clear Benefit : Treatment should be tailored to a specific diagnosis, designed to help a person manage and reduce the symptoms of both disorders, often at the same time. This personalized, research-backed approach means you're not just hoping for improvement—you're following a proven path to recovery.

Your Journey Forward

Just like Sarah, who initially felt trapped in that storm, you have the power to find calm. Through evidence-based treatment, countless individuals have discovered that anxiety and depression don't have to define their lives. The storm clouds can part, revealing clear skies ahead.

Professional counselors who follow these established protocols aren't just offering hope—they're providing a structured pathway to genuine healing and lasting peace.

Ready to take the first step toward evidence-based treatment that can transform your life? Contact Bareiter Counseling Center today at 704-334-0524 to schedule your consultation and discover how our trained therapists can guide you toward lasting recovery using proven, research-based methods.

Citations:

Anxiety and Depression Association of America. (2025). Patient Guide to Mood and Anxiety Disorders . American Psychiatric Association Publishing.

Anxiety and Depression Association of America. (2025). Depression Treatment and Management . Retrieved from https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/depression/treatment-management

Anxiety and Depression Association of America. (2025). Treatment . Retrieved from https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/depression/treatment

#IT - Depression Counseling

Breaking Free from Complicated Grief: Evidence-Based Hope for Those Who Feel Stuck in Loss

Wed, 19 Nov 2025 13:55:30 GMT

When Grief Becomes a Prison: Understanding the Path to Healing Through Expert-Backed Therapy and Counseling

Sarah stared at her husband's empty chair across the breakfast table, just as she had every morning for the past two years. The acute pain of his sudden passing had never softened, never evolved into the gentle remembrance her friends described experiencing with their own losses. Instead, it felt as raw and consuming as the day he died, leaving her unable to work, socialize, or imagine any future without him.

The Problem: When Normal Grief Becomes Complicated

While grief is a natural response to loss, some individuals become trapped in what mental health professionals call "complicated grief" or prolonged grief disorder. Complicated grief is intense grief after the death of a loved one that lasts longer than expected according to social norms and causes functional impairment. Unlike typical bereavement, which gradually softens over time, complicated grief maintains its sharp intensity, preventing individuals from adapting to life without their loved one.

Dr. Katherine Shear estimates the syndrome afflicts seven percent of the bereaved population, describing how complicated grief "grabs some people by their heels and pulls them under so they are drowning in their lives." This research from Columbia University's Center for Prolonged Grief has revolutionized our understanding of why some people struggle to move forward after loss.

The Solution: Specialized Treatment That Actually Works

The breakthrough in complicated grief treatment came through Dr. Shear's development and testing of Prolonged Grief Disorder Therapy (previously called Complicated Grief Treatment), which proved to be efficacious in randomized controlled trials. This specialized approach recognizes that complicated grief is not simply depression and requires targeted intervention rather than traditional grief counseling alone.

Research shows the response rate was greater for complicated grief treatment (51%) than for interpersonal psychotherapy (28%) and produced faster healing times. This evidence-based therapy combines elements from multiple therapeutic approaches to address the specific needs of those experiencing prolonged grief.

The Memory Work Technique: Transforming Pain into Connection

Complicated grief therapy includes techniques similar to prolonged exposure (repeatedly telling the story of the death and in vivo exposure activities). The treatment also involves focusing on personal goals and relationships.

The Process:

Safe Recounting : Work with your therapist to repeatedly tell the story of your loss in a controlled, supportive environment
Memory Integration : Process traumatic aspects of the death while preserving loving memories
Exposure Exercises : Gradually engage with avoided places, activities, or reminders connected to your loved one
Goal Setting : Identify meaningful life activities and relationships to re-engage with

The Benefits: This approach helps transform overwhelming grief reactions into manageable sadness while maintaining your connection to your loved one. Rather than "getting over" the loss, you learn to carry your love forward while rebuilding your capacity for joy and meaning.

Moving Forward: Your Path to Healing

Just as Sarah sat at that breakfast table each morning, you may feel trapped in your grief, wondering if healing is possible. Successful adaptation requires understanding the finality and consequences of the loss, revising future hopes and plans, and redefining the relationship with the deceased. The research is clear: with proper treatment, people can and do recover from complicated grief while maintaining their precious connection to those they've lost.

If you recognize yourself in Sarah's story, know that specialized help is available. The pain you're experiencing is real, valid, and treatable. You don't have to remain stuck in a grief that feels impossible to bear.

Ready to take the first step toward healing? The caring therapists at Bareiter Counseling Center understand the unique challenges of complicated grief and are trained in evidence-based approaches to help you find your path forward. Call us today at 704-334-0524 to begin your journey toward hope and renewed connection with life.

References:

Shear, M. K. (2015). Complicated grief. New England Journal of Medicine, 372(2), 153-160.
Shear, M. K., et al. (2005). Treatment of complicated grief: a randomized controlled trial. JAMA, 293(21), 2601-2608.
Center for Prolonged Grief, Columbia University School of Social Work.

Finding Balance: Practical Strategies for Supporting Aging Parents While Caring for Yourself

Tue, 18 Nov 2025 15:56:21 GMT

Navigating the Challenges of Caring for Aging Parents with Professional Counseling Support

Are you caught in the middle of managing your household while increasingly worried about your aging parent's well-being? You're not alone. According to the National Alliance for Caregiving, over 53 million Americans are providing unpaid care for adult family members, with many experiencing significant emotional and physical strain in the process (NAC & AARP, 2020).

The Hidden Toll of Caregiver Stress

The journey of supporting aging parents often begins with small tasks—driving to doctor appointments or helping with groceries—but can gradually evolve into a complex web of responsibilities. Research from the American Psychological Association shows that family caregivers report higher levels of stress, anxiety, and depression compared to their non-caregiving peers (APA, 2023). This stress, often called "caregiver burnout," can manifest as exhaustion, withdrawal from social activities, and even physical health problems.

Dr. Christina Hibbert, clinical psychologist, and author, notes, "The emotional impact of watching parents age while simultaneously juggling your life responsibilities creates a unique form of stress that can be overwhelming when faced alone" (Hibbert, 2022).

Creating a Sustainable Support System

Establish Boundaries Through Open Communication

The foundation of balanced caregiving starts with honest conversations. Schedule a family meeting to discuss:

Your parents' preferences and expectations for care
Realistic assessment of what you can sustainably provide
Options for sharing responsibilities among siblings or other family members
Professional support services available in your community

Dr. Amy D'Aprix, gerontologist and life transition expert, emphasizes, "Setting clear boundaries isn't selfish—it's essential for sustainable caregiving. Being specific about what you can and cannot do helps manage everyone's expectations" (D'Aprix, 2021).

Prioritize Self-Care as a Necessity

Self-care isn't optional when you're supporting aging parents—it's essential. Research published in The Gerontologist shows that caregivers who maintain their own health needs report higher quality of care for their loved ones and greater satisfaction in their caregiving role (Schulz & Eden, 2016).

Effective self-care strategies include:

Scheduling regular short breaks throughout your week
Maintaining your medical appointments and health screenings
Continuing activities that bring you joy and purpose
Connecting with a support group of fellow caregivers
Working with a professional counselor to process complex emotions

Leverage Community and Professional Resources

You don't have to manage everything alone. A comprehensive approach includes investigating:

Adult day programs that provide structured activities and socialization
Meal delivery services for nutritional support
Transportation assistance programs
Home modification services for safety
Respite care options for when you need a break

Finding Your Path Forward

The journey of supporting aging parents while maintaining your own well-being requires balance, boundaries, and support. Remember the airplane safety demonstration—you must secure your own oxygen mask before helping others. By prioritizing your mental and physical health, you'll be better equipped to provide the quality support your parents need.

If you're feeling overwhelmed by caregiver stress or struggling to find balance in this challenging life stage, professional support is available. At Bareiter Counseling Center , our experienced therapists specialize in helping families navigate these complex transitions. Contact us at 704-334-0524 to schedule a consultation and discover strategies tailored to your unique situation.

References:

National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP. (2020). Caregiving in the United States 2020. https://www.caregiving.org/caregiving-in-the-us-2020/

American Psychological Association. (2023). Caregiver stress: The impact of chronic stress on family caregivers. American Psychologist, 78(2), 145-158.

Hibbert, C. (2022). When parents age: A guide to the emotional journey. Family Psychology Today, 15(3), 27-39.

D'Aprix, A. (2021). The sandwich generation: Finding balance when caring for children and parents. Journal of Gerontological Social Work, 64(5), 478-492.

Schulz, R., & Eden, J. (2016). Families caring for an aging America. National Academies Press.

When Your Child's Behavior Tells a Story: Understanding Trauma Through a Compassionate Lens

Sun, 09 Nov 2025 13:55:09 GMT

Helping Charlotte Families See Beyond the Surface with Trauma-Informed Counseling

Eight-year-old Marcus sits in the principal's office again. His teacher describes him as "disruptive," "defiant," and "unable to focus." His parents feel frustrated and defeated, wondering why their son can't just "behave." But what if Marcus's behavior isn't about defiance at all? What if it's his way of communicating something much deeper?

The Hidden Language of Behavior

When children experience trauma—whether from abuse, neglect, witnessing violence, or even seemingly less severe events like family divorce or medical procedures—their developing brains adapt to survive. Research shows preliminary evidence for the efficacy of trauma-informed approaches in improving the mental and emotional well-being of children, yet many families and even professionals still view challenging behaviors through a lens of discipline rather than understanding.

Bonnie Badenoch, a leading expert in relational neuroscience and trauma-informed care, emphasizes that "trauma survivors and those with significant attachment wounds" need support to "reshape their neural landscape". This neuroplasticity—the brain's ability to form new connections—offers hope for healing when we approach children with compassion rather than punishment.

The Trauma-Informed Solution

Trauma-informed care represents a fundamental shift in how we understand and respond to children's behavior. Instead of asking "What's wrong with this child?" we begin to ask "What happened to this child?" This simple reframe opens doors to healing that traditional disciplinary approaches cannot.

Research supports this approach: studies show that exposure to adverse, potentially traumatic events in childhood is not uncommon, with some data indicating that 55% of preschool children had experienced one adverse childhood experience and 12% had experienced more than three.

Creating Safety Through Understanding

The foundation of trauma-informed care rests on creating physical and emotional safety. For children like Marcus, this means recognizing that his "disruptive" behavior might actually be his nervous system's attempt to feel safe in an environment that triggers memories of past experiences.

Here are practical steps parents and caregivers can take:

Observe patterns: Notice when challenging behaviors occur. Are there specific triggers like loud noises, transitions, or certain people?
Regulate yourself first: Children co-regulate with the adults around them. Your calm presence becomes their anchor.
Validate emotions: "I can see you're really upset right now. That makes sense" communicates safety without condoning harmful actions.
Create predictable routines: Consistency helps traumatized nervous systems begin to relax and trust.

The benefit of this approach extends far beyond behavior management. When children feel truly seen and understood, their capacity for connection, learning, and growth naturally expands. Research suggests that traumatized children need "safe, stable, and nurturing relationships and environments" to heal and thrive.

A New Lens for Understanding

Returning to Marcus in the principal's office: when his school began implementing trauma-informed practices, they discovered that his "disruptive" behavior often occurred during fire drills—the loud alarm triggered memories of domestic violence he'd witnessed years earlier. With this understanding, they developed strategies to help him feel safe during these events, and his overall behavior improved dramatically.

This is the power of seeing behavior as communication rather than defiance. Every child has a story, and when we take time to understand that story with compassion, we create space for genuine healing and growth.

If your family is struggling with challenging behaviors, or if you suspect trauma may be impacting your child's development, know that help is available. At Bareiter Counseling Center , our therapists are trained in trauma-informed approaches that honor your child's story while building pathways to healing. Contact us at 704-334-0524 to learn more about how trauma-informed counseling can support your family's journey toward understanding and hope.

References:

Australian Institute of Family Studies. "Trauma-informed care in child/family welfare services." AIFS Policy and Practice Papers . https://aifs.gov.au/resources/policy-and-practice-papers/trauma-informed-care-childfamily-welfare-services

Badenoch, B. "Cultivating Presence Over Technique." The Trauma Therapist Project , July 11, 2021.

Butler, L. D., et al. "Trauma Informed Child Welfare Systems—A Rapid Evidence Review." PMC , https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6651663/

ZERO TO THREE. "Trauma-Informed Practices in Early Childhood Education." October 31, 2024. https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/journal/trauma-informed-practices-in-early-childhood-education/

Sand Tray Therapy: Healing Anxiety, Trauma & Depression | Charlotte

Fri, 31 Oct 2025 15:59:18 GMT

Discover Margaret Lowenfeld's Revolutionary World Technique for Deeper Therapeutic Breakthroughs

Picture this: A client sits across from you, struggling to put their deepest feelings into words. The weight of anxiety, depression, or trauma feels too heavy to verbalize. Traditional talk therapy hits a wall when emotions run too deep for language. What if there was a way to bypass words entirely and access the unconscious mind through creative expression?

The Problem

Many clients find themselves stuck in therapy when verbal communication fails to capture the complexity of their inner world. Traditional counseling approaches can feel limiting, especially for those who have experienced trauma, children who lack developed verbal skills, or adults who struggle with emotional expression. The conscious mind often blocks access to deeper healing through its natural defenses and intellectual barriers.

The Solution

Sand tray therapy offers a powerful alternative pathway to healing that speaks directly to the unconscious mind. This therapeutic approach allows clients to create three-dimensional scenes using miniature figures, objects, and sand, providing a safe space for non-verbal expression and emotional processing.

Research Foundation

Dr. Margaret Lowenfeld established the World Technique in 1929 using sand trays, toys, and models, first presenting it to the psychology community in 1931 and later to the British Psychological Society in 1937. Her groundbreaking work laid the foundation for what we now recognize as sand tray therapy, demonstrating that "the processes of a child's mind" could be studied and understood through toy placement in sand trays.

The World Technique: A Window into the Unconscious

Overview of Dr. Lowenfeld's Approach

The World Technique was developed by Margaret Lowenfeld as a way to engage children in a therapeutic process and to allow them to express themselves non-verbally through play. The method involves providing clients with wet and dry sand in separate trays along with a diverse collection of miniature figures and objects.

Clear Steps for Implementation

Create a Safe Space : The therapist provides a non-judgmental environment where clients feel free to explore without interpretation or direction.
Offer Materials : Clients have access to sand trays and hundreds of miniature figures representing people, animals, buildings, vehicles, and symbolic objects.
Allow Natural Expression : The scene created acts as a reflection of the person's own life and allows them the opportunity to resolve conflicts, remove obstacles, and gain acceptance of self.
Witness Without Interpretation : The therapist observes and validates the client's creation without immediately analyzing or interpreting the symbolism.
Process Through Discussion : After the sand tray is complete, therapist and client explore the experience together, allowing insights to emerge naturally.

Clear Benefits

Sand tray therapy offers unique advantages for treating anxiety, depression, and trauma. It is based on the notion that, if the therapist provides the client with a safe space, the client will use the sand tray to create solutions to their problems on their own. This approach bypasses verbal defenses, accesses unconscious material, and provides a concrete representation of internal experiences that can be modified and transformed.

The technique proves particularly effective for trauma survivors who may find verbal processing overwhelming or retraumatizing. By creating external representations of their inner world, clients can safely explore difficult emotions while maintaining a sense of control and distance from their experiences.

Conclusion

Just as that client sitting across from you needs a bridge to their healing, sand tray therapy provides a pathway beyond words. Dr. Lowenfeld's revolutionary World Technique continues to offer hope for those struggling with anxiety, depression, and trauma by honoring the wisdom of non-verbal expression and the healing power of creative play.

Call to Action

If you're seeking a therapist who understands the depth of non-verbal healing approaches, the counselors at Bareiter Counseling Center are trained in evidence-based techniques including sand tray therapy. Don't let words be the only path to your healing journey. Call us today at 704-334-0524 to discover how sand tray therapy can unlock new possibilities for your emotional well-being.

References:

Lowenfeld, M. (1929). The World Technique . Institute for Child Psychology.

Lowenfeld, M. (1931). The World Technique in Child Psychology . British Psychological Society Conference.

Transform Your Relationship: How Understanding Love Languages Can Strengthen Your Connection

Thu, 23 Oct 2025 13:59:32 GMT

Discover How Charlotte Couples Are Using Love Languages to Build Deeper, More Fulfilling Relationships Through Professional Counseling

Sarah stared at the beautiful diamond earrings her husband had given her for their anniversary, feeling more confused than grateful. Despite his thoughtful gesture, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing from their relationship. "I wish he would just spend time with me," she confided to her friend. "I don't need expensive gifts – I need him to be present."

The Problem

Many couples find themselves in Sarah's situation, expressing love in ways that don't resonate with their partner. Partners may feel unappreciated, disconnected, or emotionally distant despite genuine efforts to show love. This disconnect often stems from a fundamental misunderstanding: we tend to give love in the way we want to receive it, not necessarily in the way our partner needs to receive it. When couples speak different emotional languages, feelings of frustration, resentment, and loneliness can grow, creating barriers to intimacy and connection.

The Solution

Dr. Gary Chapman's groundbreaking framework, introduced in "The 5 Love Languages," offers couples a practical roadmap for understanding how to give and receive love effectively. The five love languages are five different ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. By identifying and speaking each other's primary love language, couples can create deeper emotional connections and strengthen their relationship foundation.

The Love Language Discovery Process

Understanding your partner's love language begins with observation and intentional communication. In couples therapy, partners can complete assessments and compare their answers, ranking their love languages in order of importance and discussing what they learned about each other.

Step 1: Identify Your Own Love Language Pay attention to what makes you feel most loved and valued. Notice what you naturally give to others and what you request most often from your partner.

Step 2: Observe Your Partner's Language Watch how your partner expresses love to you and others. Listen to their complaints – they often reveal their unmet emotional needs.

Step 3: Experiment and Communicate Try expressing love in different ways and notice your partner's response. Have open conversations about what feels most meaningful to each of you.

Step 4: Practice Consistently Make speaking your partner's love language a daily habit, not just something you do during special occasions.

The Clear Benefits When couples learn to speak each other's love languages, they experience increased emotional intimacy, reduced conflict, and deeper satisfaction in their relationship. Partners feel more appreciated, understood, and connected, creating a positive cycle of love and responsiveness.

Conclusion

Just like Sarah discovered in therapy, the answer to feeling more connected wasn't about receiving different gifts – it was about her husband understanding that quality time was her primary love language. When he began setting aside dedicated time for meaningful conversations and shared activities, she felt truly cherished and valued.

Ready to discover your love languages and transform your relationship? The professional counselors at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte specialize in helping couples develop stronger communication and deeper connections. Whether you're dealing with relationship challenges, seeking premarital counseling, or simply want to strengthen your bond, our experienced therapists can guide you through the process of understanding and applying love languages in your relationship.

Contact Bareiter Counseling Center today at 704-334-0524 to schedule your couples therapy consultation and begin building the loving, connected relationship you deserve.

Citations: Chapman, G. (2015). The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts . Northfield Publishing.

How Understanding Your Child's Brain Development Can Transform Their Emotional Regulation

Thu, 16 Oct 2025 15:10:12 GMT

Discover the Science Behind Connection and Regulation in Child Development Through Interpersonal Neurobiology

Eight-year-old Emma threw herself on the floor, screaming about her broken crayon while her exhausted mother watched helplessly. "She's normally such a good kid," her mom whispered. "I don't understand why she can't just calm down."

The Hidden Challenge in Child Behavior

Many parents struggle to understand their child's intense emotional reactions, often feeling frustrated when traditional discipline methods don't work. Children experiencing anxiety, depression, trauma, or everyday stress may have meltdowns that seem disproportionate to the situation. Without understanding the neurological basis of these behaviors, parents and caregivers often feel helpless and resort to punishment rather than connection, inadvertently making the situation worse.

The Solution: Understanding Your Child's Developing Brain

Dr. Dan Siegel's groundbreaking work in Interpersonal Neurobiology (INB) reveals that a child's behavior is directly connected to their brain development and nervous system regulation. Siegel explains that "connection is why we're here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives" (Siegel, 2012). This research shows us that children's emotional outbursts aren't defiance—they're communication about their internal state and developmental needs.

INB demonstrates that the brain develops through relationships, and children need co-regulation from caring adults to learn self-regulation. Studies show that when parents understand and respond to their child's neurological needs, behavioral challenges decrease significantly while emotional resilience increases.

Practice Co-Regulation Before Self-Regulation

Co-regulation is the process where a calm, regulated adult helps a dysregulated child return to a state of emotional balance. This neurological process literally shapes the developing brain.

Steps to practice effective co-regulation:

Notice your own emotional state first—children mirror our nervous systems
Move physically close to your child (if they're receptive)
Match their emotional intensity initially, then gradually lower your tone and energy
Use simple, soothing words: "I see you're really upset. I'm here with you."
Focus on connection before correction—address behavior only after they've calmed

The benefit: When children experience consistent co-regulation, their brains develop stronger pathways for self-soothing and emotional management. This leads to fewer meltdowns, increased confidence, and better relationships throughout their lives.

Building Your Child's Emotional Resilience

Remember Emma from our opening? When her mother learned to see the meltdown as Emma's developing nervous system being overwhelmed rather than defiant behavior, everything changed. By offering comfort first and teaching coping skills later, Emma learned to regulate her emotions more effectively.

Your child's challenging behaviors aren't character flaws—they're opportunities to build connection and support their developing brain. Understanding the science behind their emotions empowers you to respond with compassion rather than frustration.

If you're ready to better understand your child's emotional world and build stronger family connections, the therapists at Bareiter Counseling Center are trained in developmentally-informed approaches. Call us today at 704-334-0524 to support your family's journey toward emotional wellness.

Citation: Siegel, D. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are . Guilford Press.

How Professional Counseling Helps Children Navigate Grief with Expert-Backed Strategies

Thu, 09 Oct 2025 11:24:26 GMT

Charlotte Therapists Share Research-Based Methods for Supporting Children Through Loss and Trauma

Eight-year-old Emma stopped talking about her grandmother after the funeral. Her parents noticed she'd withdrawn from friends, struggled with bedtime, and began having angry outbursts at school. Like many families in Charlotte facing loss, Emma's parents wondered how to help their child process grief in a healthy way.

The Hidden Impact of Childhood Grief

When children experience loss, whether through death, divorce, or other significant changes, their emotional responses often manifest differently than adult grief. Research shows that unaddressed childhood grief can lead to long-term challenges including anxiety, depression, academic difficulties, and relationship struggles. The National Alliance for Children's Grief emphasizes that "no child grieves alone" and that all grieving children deserve appropriate support to heal.

The problem extends beyond the immediate family. Many well-meaning adults struggle to know what to say or do, sometimes inadvertently minimizing a child's experience or rushing them through the grieving process. Without proper guidance, children may develop unhealthy coping mechanisms that impact their development and future relationships.

Evidence-Based Solutions from Leading Organizations

The National Alliance for Children's Grief (NACG) provides comprehensive resources and education for supporting grieving children and teens, offering specialized training and evidence-based approaches. Professional counselors trained in childhood grief utilize proven therapeutic methods to help children understand and process their emotions in age-appropriate ways.

Creating Safe Spaces for Expression Through Therapeutic Support

Professional grief counseling creates structured environments where children can safely explore their emotions without judgment. During individual counseling sessions, grief therapists work one-on-one with children, helping them understand the grieving process and encouraging healthy emotional expression through evidence-based therapeutic techniques.

Steps therapists use to support grieving children:

Establish trust and rapport through child-friendly communication and consistency
Normalize grief responses by explaining that all feelings are valid and expected
Facilitate expression through art, play, storytelling, and age-appropriate activities
Develop coping strategies tailored to the child's personality and needs
Involve family systems to ensure support continues at home

Clear benefits of professional support:

Children learn healthy ways to express difficult emotions
Families receive guidance on supporting their child's unique grieving process
Risk of long-term mental health complications decreases significantly
Children develop resilience and coping skills for future challenges

Moving Forward with Hope and Healing

Just as Emma's story began with withdrawal and confusion, with proper therapeutic support, children can learn to honor their losses while rebuilding their sense of security and joy. Effective grief counseling emphasizes active listening, empathy, and helping clients find personal meaning in their experience while normalizing grief and encouraging healthy coping strategies.

Professional counseling doesn't erase the pain of loss, but it provides children and families with tools to navigate grief in healthy ways. When children receive appropriate support during their most vulnerable moments, they often emerge with greater emotional intelligence and resilience.

If your child is struggling with grief or loss, you don't have to navigate this journey alone. The compassionate therapists at Bareiter Counseling Center specialize in supporting children and families through difficult transitions. Call us today at 704-334-0524 to learn how professional counseling can help your family heal and move forward together.

Citations

National Alliance for Children's Grief. (2025). Home Page . Retrieved from https://nacg.org/

National Center for Interprofessional Practice and Education. (2025). National Alliance For Children's Grief . Retrieved from https://nexusipe.org/informing/resource-center/national-alliance-childrens-grief

University of Illinois Chicago Division of Specialized Care for Children. (2024). National Alliance for Children's Grief (NACG) . Retrieved from https://dscc.uic.edu/dscc_resource/the-national-alliance-for-childrens-grief-nacg/

Positive Psychology. (2025). 10 Grief Counseling Therapy Techniques & Interventions . Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/grief-counseling/

Choosing Therapy. (2024). Grief Counseling for Children: What it Is & How it Can Help . Retrieved from https://www.choosingtherapy.com/grief-counseling-for-children/

SonderMind. Grief Counseling for Children: What To Know and How To Help . Retrieved from https://www.sondermind.com/resources/articles-and-content/grief-counseling-for-children/

Finding Balance: Practical Strategies for Supporting Aging Parents While Caring for Yourself

Thu, 02 Oct 2025 12:37:48 GMT

Navigating the Challenges of Caring for Aging Parents with Professional Counseling Support

The Hidden Toll of Caregiver Stress

Creating a Sustainable Support System

Establish Boundaries Through Open Communication

The foundation of balanced caregiving starts with honest conversations. Schedule a family meeting to discuss:

Your parents' preferences and expectations for care
Realistic assessment of what you can sustainably provide
Options for sharing responsibilities among siblings or other family members
Professional support services available in your community

Prioritize Self-Care as a Necessity

Effective self-care strategies include:

Scheduling regular short breaks throughout your week
Maintaining your medical appointments and health screenings
Continuing activities that bring you joy and purpose
Connecting with a support group of fellow caregivers
Working with a professional counselor to process complex emotions

Leverage Community and Professional Resources

You don't have to manage everything alone. A comprehensive approach includes investigating:

Adult day programs that provide structured activities and socialization
Meal delivery services for nutritional support
Transportation assistance programs
Home modification services for safety
Respite care options for when you need a break

Finding Your Path Forward

If you're feeling overwhelmed by caregiver stress or struggling to find balance in this challenging life stage, professional support is available. At Bareiter Counseling Center, our experienced therapists specialize in helping families navigate these complex transitions. Contact us at 704-334-0524 to schedule a consultation and discover strategies tailored to your unique situation.

References:

National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP. (2020). Caregiving in the United States 2020. https://www.caregiving.org/caregiving-in-the-us-2020/

American Psychological Association. (2023). Caregiver stress: The impact of chronic stress on family caregivers. American Psychologist, 78(2), 145-158.

Hibbert, C. (2022). When parents age: A guide to the emotional journey. Family Psychology Today, 15(3), 27-39.

D'Aprix, A. (2021). The sandwich generation: Finding balance when caring for children and parents. Journal of Gerontological Social Work, 64(5), 478-492.

Schulz, R., & Eden, J. (2016). Families caring for an aging America. National Academies Press.

How Understanding Your Attachment Style Can Transform Your Intimate Relationship

Fri, 26 Sep 2025 11:28:18 GMT

Discover the Science Behind Building Deeper Connection and Intimacy with Your Partner

"I love you, but I don't feel close to you anymore." Sarah's words hung in the air as she sat across from her husband of twelve years. Like many couples, they had drifted into a pattern of parallel lives—sharing a home but not truly sharing themselves.

The Hidden Problem in Modern Relationships

Many couples struggle with intimacy, not because they lack love, but because they lack understanding of how emotional connection actually works. Research shows that 70% of relationship conflicts stem from underlying attachment needs going unmet, yet most people are unaware of their own attachment patterns or how they impact their relationships.

The Solution: Understanding Attachment in Adult Relationships

Dr. Sue Johnson, developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), has revolutionized how we understand intimate relationships through her groundbreaking research on adult attachment. Her work reveals that "we are bonding mammals, and our need for secure emotional connection is absolute" (Johnson, 2019). This isn't weakness—it's biology.

Johnson's research demonstrates that couples who understand their attachment styles and learn to respond to each other's emotional needs create lasting, passionate relationships. Her studies show that 90% of couples who complete EFT therapy report significant improvement in their relationship satisfaction.

Identify Your Attachment Dance

Every couple develops what Johnson calls an "attachment dance"—predictable patterns of interaction that either build or erode emotional safety. Understanding this dance is the first step toward change.

Steps to recognize your pattern:

Notice what triggers feelings of disconnection (criticism, withdrawal, defensiveness)
Identify your typical response (pursue, withdraw, or protest)
Observe how your response affects your partner
Recognize the underlying need (reassurance, space, understanding)

The benefit: When couples can step out of their reactive patterns and address the underlying attachment needs, they create a secure emotional bond that enhances both emotional and physical intimacy.

Creating Your Secure Base

Johnson emphasizes that healthy relationships serve as a "secure base"—a safe haven where partners can be vulnerable and authentic. This emotional safety becomes the foundation for deeper intimacy in all areas of the relationship.

Remember Sarah from our opening? By learning to express her need for emotional connection rather than criticizing her husband's availability, and by him learning to respond with reassurance rather than defensiveness, they rebuilt the intimacy they had lost.

Building lasting intimacy isn't about perfection—it's about understanding the science of connection and having the courage to be vulnerable with the person you love most.

If you're ready to strengthen your relationship and build deeper intimacy, the therapists at Bareiter Counseling Center are trained in evidence-based approaches that can help. Call us today at 704-334-0524 to begin your journey toward a more connected relationship.

Citation: Johnson, S. (2019). Attachment in Psychotherapy . Guilford Press.

Understanding the Heart Behind Big Behaviors: Keys to Supporting Children with Trauma

Thu, 18 Sep 2025 14:36:06 GMT

Transforming Your Approach to Parenting Children with Traumatic Backgrounds Through Compassionate Connection

Have you ever found yourself bewildered by your child's seemingly irrational outbursts, wondering what triggered such an intense reaction to what appeared to be a minor situation? For parents raising children with trauma histories, these confusing moments can feel like navigating an emotional minefield without a map.

When Traditional Parenting Approaches Fall Short

Children who have experienced early trauma—whether from adverse experiences, adoption, foster care, or family disruption—often respond to the world differently. Their nervous systems have been wired for survival, not connection. As trauma specialist Robyn Gobbel explains, "Children with trauma histories aren't giving us a hard time—they're having a hard time" (Gobbel, 2023). Traditional discipline methods can inadvertently worsen behaviors by triggering stress responses in children whose brains perceive ordinary situations as threatening.

Research from the field of interpersonal neurobiology shows that children's difficult behaviors are often communication about their internal states, not willful disobedience. Dr. Bruce Perry, renowned child psychiatrist, notes that "the most powerful buffer in times of stress and distress is our social connectedness" (Perry & Szalavitz, 2017).

Building Safety Before Addressing Behavior

The good news is that approaches focused on connection rather than correction can help children heal and develop healthier responses. Robyn Gobbel's work emphasizes that regulation must come before reasoning—connection before correction.

The PACE Approach: Creating Felt Safety

One evidence-based strategy is the PACE approach developed by Dr. Daniel Hughes, which stands for Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy. This approach helps create an environment of psychological safety essential for healing.

To implement PACE in your daily interactions:

Start with playfulness : Use a light, warm tone even during difficult moments to signal safety and reduce threat responses.
Practice acceptance : Acknowledge your child's emotions without judgment, communicating that all feelings are acceptable even when certain behaviors aren't.
Approach with curiosity : Wonder aloud what might be happening for your child instead of assuming you know their motivation. Try "I wonder if you're feeling scared right now?" instead of "Stop trying to get attention."
Lead with empathy : Connect with the feelings beneath the behavior before attempting to address it. Simply saying, "This is really hard" can help a child feel seen.

When parents consistently use this approach, children learn that they're safe, their emotions matter, and they have an adult who can help them navigate big feelings. As Gobbel emphasizes, "When a child feels safe and connected, challenging behaviors naturally diminish because they no longer serve a purpose" (Gobbel, 2023).

Meeting Needs Behind Behaviors

Remember that children's challenging behaviors often represent unmet needs. By shifting your perspective from "How do I stop this behavior?" to "What is my child trying to communicate?", you open the door to deeper healing and connection.

When your child seems most unlovable is precisely when they need your love and understanding most. Supporting a child with trauma requires patience, consistency, and often professional guidance, but the rewards of witnessing their healing journey are immeasurable.

If you're parenting a child with a trauma history and finding yourself exhausted, confused, or discouraged by challenging behaviors, you don't have to navigate this path alone. At Bareiter Counseling Center, our trauma-informed therapists specialize in supporting families through these complex dynamics. Contact us at 704-334-0524 to learn how we can help you and your child move toward healing and connection.

References:

Gobbel, R. (2023). Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors .

Perry, B. D., & Szalavitz, M. (2017). The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook . Basic Books.

Unlock Deeper Connections: Transforming Relationships Through Love Languages

Wed, 10 Sep 2025 18:46:50 GMT

The Silent Communication Gap in Relationships

Many individuals struggle to feel genuinely appreciated and understood by their partners, friends, and family members. Despite best intentions, miscommunication and emotional disconnection can create invisible barriers that gradually erode relationships. What works as an expression of love for one person may feel meaningless to another.

A Scientifically-Backed Approach to Emotional Connection

Dr. Gary Chapman's groundbreaking Love Languages framework offers a transformative solution to understanding how we give and receive love. Based on decades of counseling experience and extensive research, this approach reveals that people have distinct ways of experiencing and expressing emotional connection.

The Five Love Languages: A Roadmap to Meaningful Relationships

Dr. Chapman identified five primary love languages:

Words of Affirmation : Expressing love through verbal appreciation
Acts of Service : Showing love by doing helpful things
Receiving Gifts : Feeling loved through thoughtful presents
Quality Time : Demonstrating love through undivided attention
Physical Touch : Connecting through physical affection

Practical Steps to Discovering Your Love Language

Love Language Assessment: Understanding Your Emotional Needs

Action Steps:

Take a comprehensive love language assessment
Reflect on how you most feel loved
Discuss your love language with close relationships
Learn your loved ones' primary love languages

Benefit: Gain insights into your emotional communication style and improve relationship satisfaction.

Implementing Love Languages in Daily Life

Key Strategies:

Identify your primary and secondary love languages
Observe how your loved ones prefer to receive love
Intentionally speak their love language
Communicate your own emotional needs clearly

Benefit: Create deeper, more meaningful connections by speaking the right emotional language.

Your Path to More Fulfilling Relationships

Understanding love languages is more than a communication tool—it's a pathway to empathy, connection, and mutual understanding. By recognizing and respecting how others experience love, we can bridge emotional gaps and create more profound relationships.

Remember, love is a language that goes beyond words—it's about understanding and connection.

Ready to transform your relationships and communicate love more effectively? Bareiter Counseling Center is here to guide you. Our experienced therapists can help you navigate the nuances of emotional connection. Call us today at 704-334-0524 to start your journey of deeper understanding.

Citations:

Chapman, G. (1992). The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate . Northfield Publishing.
Chapman, G., & Campbell, R. (2016). The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts . Moody Publishers.

Healing from Within: How IFS Therapy Offers New Hope for Trauma Recovery

Wed, 27 Aug 2025 14:03:02 GMT

Transforming Trauma: The Power of Internal Family Systems Therapy in Charlotte

Have you ever felt like parts of yourself are in conflict – one part wanting to move forward while another holds you back? Perhaps you've heard an internal voice saying, "I need to heal" while another whispers "it's not safe to change"? This inner struggle can be especially pronounced for those carrying the weight of past trauma.

When Traditional Approaches Fall Short

Trauma doesn't just leave emotional scars; it fragments our inner world. Traditional therapy often focuses solely on symptoms or behaviors without addressing the deeper internal system that maintains our patterns. Many trauma survivors find themselves caught in cycles of improvement followed by regression, leaving them wondering if lasting healing is possible.

"Trauma creates a division of labor within us," explains psychiatrist and trauma specialist Dr. Frank Anderson. "Parts of us carry the pain while other parts work overtime to keep us functioning."

A Revolutionary Approach to Trauma Healing

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, pioneered by Dr. Richard Schwartz and further developed by trauma experts like Dr. Frank Anderson, offers a transformative framework for understanding and healing trauma. Rather than seeing symptoms as problems to eliminate, IFS recognizes them as protective responses from different parts of our internal system.

Dr. Anderson's work integrates neuroscience with the IFS model, providing a comprehensive approach to trauma healing that honors the wisdom of the body and the complexity of the mind.

Self-Leadership: The Core of IFS Healing

At the heart of IFS is developing "Self-leadership" – connecting with your core Self that contains qualities like compassion, curiosity, and calm. Here's how this process works:

Recognition - Acknowledge the different parts within you, especially those carrying trauma or trying to protect you from pain.
Relationship - Develop a compassionate relationship with these parts rather than trying to eliminate them.
Unburdening - Help traumatized parts release the emotional burdens they've been carrying.
Integration - Allow your core Self to guide your internal system in harmony.

The benefit of this approach is profound. As Dr. Anderson notes, "When we heal the parts that carry our trauma, we don't just reduce symptoms—we transform our relationship with ourselves and others, creating lasting change that conventional symptom management can't achieve."

A Journey Worth Taking

Remember those conflicting internal voices? Through IFS therapy, you can transform that inner conflict into cooperation. Rather than battling yourself, you can build an inner team working together toward healing.

Are you ready to begin your journey toward deep, lasting trauma recovery? At Bareiter Counseling Center, our trained therapists offer IFS-informed trauma therapy that honors your unique internal system and guides you toward Self-leadership and healing. Take the first step by calling us at 704-334-0524 to schedule a consultation .

References:
Anderson, F. (2021). Transcending Trauma: Healing Complex PTSD with Internal Family Systems. PESI Publishing & Media.

How to Break Free from the Anxiety-Avoidance Trap Today

Wed, 20 Aug 2025 13:29:37 GMT

Breaking the Cycle: Practical Steps to Overcome Anxiety and Avoidance

Have you ever found yourself canceling plans at the last minute because of overwhelming anxiety? Or perhaps you've taken the longer route to avoid running into a certain person or situation? If so, you're not alone. Many of us fall into what therapists call the "anxiety-avoidance trap" – a cycle that might provide temporary relief but ultimately strengthens our fears.

The Problem: When Avoidance Becomes the Solution

When faced with anxiety-provoking situations, our natural instinct is to avoid them. This avoidance provides immediate relief – the uncomfortable feelings subside, and we feel better... temporarily. However, renowned psychiatrist Dr. David Burns explains in his book "When Panic Attacks" that avoidance actually reinforces anxiety over time.

"Every time you avoid something that makes you anxious, you teach your brain that the only way to feel safe is to avoid it," writes Dr. Burns. "This creates a vicious cycle where the feared situation becomes more frightening, not less."

The Solution: Breaking the Cycle Through Gradual Exposure

Research consistently shows that confronting fears in a gradual, controlled manner is one of the most effective ways to overcome anxiety. Dr. Burns calls this approach "exposure therapy," and it's backed by decades of clinical research.

The Exposure Ladder: Climbing Your Way to Confidence

The exposure ladder is a powerful tool for confronting anxiety. Here's how to implement it:

Identify your avoided situations - Make a list of situations you tend to avoid due to anxiety.
Rank them by difficulty - Arrange these situations from least anxiety-provoking (maybe a 3/10) to most challenging (10/10).
Start small - Begin with situations that cause only mild anxiety, staying in them until your anxiety naturally decreases.
Practice regularly - Consistent practice is key to rewiring your brain's response.
Gradually work upward - Once lower-level situations no longer provoke anxiety, move up your ladder.

The benefit of this approach is remarkable. As Dr. Burns notes, "When you face your fears repeatedly without running away, something amazing happens – your anxiety begins to diminish naturally, and situations that once seemed unbearable become manageable."

Conclusion: Small Steps Lead to Big Changes

Remember that breaking free from the anxiety-avoidance trap isn't about eliminating anxiety completely—it's about learning to move forward despite it. By taking small, consistent steps toward what you fear, you can gradually reclaim areas of your life that anxiety has taken from you.

Are anxiety and avoidance limiting your life? You don't have to face this challenge alone. At Bareiter Counseling Center, our trained therapists can guide you through evidence-based approaches to managing anxiety and breaking free from avoidance patterns. Take the first step toward a more fulfilling life by calling us today at 704-334-0524.

References: Burns, D. D. (2006). When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life. Broadway Books.

Finding Your Path Through Loss: A Practical Guide to Navigating Grief

Wed, 13 Aug 2025 20:14:15 GMT

How Understanding the Grief Process Can Help You Heal and Move Forward

"Why doesn't this get easier? Shouldn't I be over this by now?" These questions echo in the minds of many who are experiencing grief. The truth is, grief isn't something you simply "get over"—it's something you move through, one step at a time.

When loss enters our lives, it can feel like navigating unfamiliar territory without a map. The disorientation, overwhelming emotions, and uncertainty about how to proceed can leave anyone feeling lost and alone. Many people expect grief to follow a predictable pattern or timeline, and when their experience doesn't match these expectations, they often blame themselves, adding unnecessary suffering to an already painful process.

The good news is that grief specialists have developed frameworks that can help us understand and navigate the grief journey. Dr. J. William Worden, a renowned grief counselor and researcher, developed the "Four Tasks of Mourning" model, which offers valuable insights into the active steps we can take to process grief in a healthy way.

Dr. Worden's approach shifts our understanding of grief from a passive experience that happens to us to an active process we can engage with. Rather than viewing grief as stages we simply pass through, his model emphasizes tasks we can actively work on, giving us a sense of agency during a time when so much feels beyond our control.

The Four Tasks of Mourning: A Roadmap Through Grief

Dr. Worden's model identifies four essential tasks that contribute to healing:

Accept the reality of the loss : Allow yourself to acknowledge the full truth of what has happened. This might involve talking about the loss, participating in memorial rituals, or simply sitting with the painful reality that life has changed.
Process the pain of grief : Give yourself permission to feel all emotions that arise—sadness, anger, guilt, relief—without judgment. Avoiding these feelings often prolongs the grieving process.
Adjust to a world without what was lost : Develop new skills, identities, and relationships that help you adapt to your changed circumstances. This might involve taking on new responsibilities or finding new sources of meaning.
Find an enduring connection with what was lost while embarking on a new life : Discover ways to maintain a meaningful bond with what you've lost while still moving forward. This could involve carrying forward traditions, creating memorial projects, or integrating lessons learned from your relationship.

Working through these tasks isn't linear or time-bound. You may find yourself revisiting them as you grow and change. The benefit of understanding these tasks is that they provide direction when grief feels overwhelming and chaotic.

Finding Your Way Forward

Remember those questions we started with? "Why doesn't this get easier? Shouldn't I be over this by now?" Understanding the grief process helps us recognize that these questions themselves reflect common misconceptions about grief. Healing doesn't mean forgetting or "getting over" a loss—it means learning to integrate the experience into your life in meaningful ways.

If you're struggling with grief, professional support can make a significant difference in your journey. At Bareiter Counseling Center, our experienced grief counselors can help you navigate the tasks of mourning in ways that honor your unique experience and beliefs. Call us today at 704-334-0524 to schedule an appointment and take a supported step forward on your path to healing.

References:
Worden, J. W. (2018). Grief counseling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner (5th ed.). Springer Publishing Company.

5 Ways to Reconnect and Heal: Breaking Free from Depression's Isolation Trap

Wed, 06 Aug 2025 16:41:49 GMT

How Connection Therapy Can Help You Overcome Depression's Isolation Cycle

Have you ever noticed how depression pulls you away from the very people who might help you feel better? "I just want to be alone" becomes both a symptom and fuel for the emotional darkness. This isolation cycle is perhaps one of depression's most insidious traps.

In our Charlotte counseling practice, we frequently see how social withdrawal deepens depression's grip. When feeling low, the natural tendency is to retreat from social connections—precisely when we need them most. This withdrawal isn't simply a preference for solitude; it's a symptom of depression that creates a dangerous feedback loop.

As Dr. Stephen Ilardi explains in his groundbreaking work "The Depression Cure," humans are social creatures who "were never designed for the socially isolated existence that has become so common in our modern way of life." Our brains and bodies need meaningful social connections to function properly, especially when battling depression or anxiety.

Social Connection as Medicine: The Therapeutic Power of Community

Research consistently shows that social connection isn't just nice to have—it's essential for mental health. Dr. Ilardi's therapeutic approach, Therapeutic Lifestyle Change (TLC), places social connection at the center of depression recovery. His research demonstrates that regular, meaningful social interaction can be as effective as medication for many people suffering from depression.

Here are five practical steps to break the isolation cycle:

Schedule Connection Time : Set specific times for social interaction, even brief ones. Mark them on your calendar as non-negotiable appointments.
Start Small : Begin with low-pressure situations like a 15-minute phone call or coffee with a supportive friend rather than large gatherings.
Use Technology Wisely : While in-person connection is ideal, video calls provide many of the same benefits when physical meetings aren't possible.
Join a Structured Group : Consider activity-based groups focused on shared interests, which often feel less overwhelming than purely social gatherings.
Practice Vulnerability : Share small struggles with trusted people. This builds deeper connections and reduces the burden of carrying difficulties alone.

The benefit of breaking the isolation cycle extends beyond mood improvement. Regular social connection strengthens your immune system, reduces stress hormones, improves sleep quality, and creates resilience against future depressive episodes.

Finding Your Way Back to Connection

Remember that question we started with? Depression convinces you that isolation is protecting you, but in reality, it's only deepening the struggle. The path out of depression's darkness often begins with a single step toward connection.

If you're finding it difficult to break the isolation cycle on your own, professional support can help. At Bareiter Counseling Center, our therapists specialize in depression treatment and can help you develop personalized strategies for rebuilding meaningful connections. Call us today at 704-334-0524 to schedule an appointment and begin your journey toward healing.

References:
Ilardi, S. S. (2009). The depression cure: The 6-step program to beat depression without drugs. Da Capo Lifelong Books.

Unlocking Your Child's Emotional World: How Play Therapy Creates Healing Conversations

Wed, 23 Jul 2025 14:04:54 GMT

Understanding Therapeutic Play: A Window into Your Child's Inner World

When children struggle with anxiety, trauma, or emotional challenges, they often lack the vocabulary to express their complex feelings. Play therapy offers a powerful solution, allowing children to communicate through their natural language—play. But how exactly does this therapeutic approach work?

Many parents in Charlotte and surrounding areas wonder if play therapy is right for their child. Unlike traditional talk therapy that relies on verbal expression, play therapy meets children where they are developmentally, creating a safe space for healing.

According to renowned play therapy expert Dr. Garry Landreth, "Toys are used like words by children, and play is their language." This profound insight forms the foundation of effective play therapy techniques that counselors use to help children process their experiences.

The Therapeutic Powers of Play: Building Emotional Resilience

Play therapy isn't just about having fun—it's a structured approach that leverages specific therapeutic elements. Dr. Landreth's child-centered play therapy model emphasizes that through carefully selected toys and materials, children can:

Express feelings they cannot verbalize
Process traumatic or difficult experiences
Develop problem-solving skills
Build self-esteem and confidence

The playroom becomes a place where children can safely explore emotions that are too overwhelming to face directly. Through this process, therapists observe patterns, themes, and metaphors that reveal the child's inner world.

Creating Healing Moments: The TEEL Technique

One powerful approach from Dr. Landreth's work is the Tracking, Empathy, Encouragement, and Limit-Setting (TEEL) technique. Here's how it works:

Tracking : The therapist narrates the child's play without judgment or direction, building awareness and validation.
Empathy : Reflecting the emotions observed during play helps children feel understood.
Encouragement : Recognizing efforts (not results) builds intrinsic motivation and self-worth.
Limit-setting : When needed, therapists establish boundaries using the ACT method (Acknowledge the feeling, Communicate the limit, Target acceptable alternatives).

This structured yet flexible approach allows children to experience freedom within safe boundaries—a balance that promotes healing and growth. Dr. Landreth notes, "In play therapy, toys are the child's words and play is the child's conversation with the therapist."

Building Bridges to Understanding and Healing

When children lack words for their feelings, play becomes their voice. Through the language of play, trained therapists help children express what troubles them, process difficult emotions, and develop healthier coping strategies.

If your child is struggling with anxiety, depression, behavioral issues, or processing trauma, play therapy might be the bridge they need to healing. At Bareiter Counseling Center, our trained therapists utilize evidence-based play therapy techniques to help children find their voice and parents understand their child's needs.

Call Bareiter Counseling Center today at 704-334-0524 to learn how our play therapy services can help your child find healing through play.

References:
Landreth, G. L. (2012). Play therapy: The art of the relationship (3rd ed.). Routledge.
Landreth, G. L., & Bratton, S. C. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT): A 10-session filial therapy model. Routledge.

Finding Peace: How Understanding Complex PTSD Can Transform Your Healing Journey

Wed, 16 Jul 2025 22:21:47 GMT

Navigating the Path to Recovery from Complex Trauma with Professional Counseling Support

Have you ever felt like your emotional reactions were disproportionate to the situation at hand? Or perhaps you've struggled with persistent feelings of emptiness, shame, or disconnection that therapy hasn't quite addressed? For many trauma survivors, these experiences are hallmarks of a condition that goes beyond traditional PTSD—Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD).

Complex PTSD often goes unrecognized or misdiagnosed, leaving many people struggling with symptoms they don't understand. Unlike single-incident trauma, C-PTSD typically develops from prolonged exposure to traumatic situations—particularly during childhood—where escape was difficult or impossible. According to renowned trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, "The body keeps the score: If the memory of trauma is encoded in the viscera, in heartbreaking and gut-wrenching emotions, in autoimmune disorders and skeletal/muscular problems, then talk therapy, which engages the cognitive brain, doesn't address the deeper problem" (van der Kolk, 2014, p. 86).

Understanding Complex PTSD is the first step toward effective treatment. When we recognize how deeply trauma can impact our bodies, relationships, and sense of self, we can begin healing from a more holistic perspective.

Body-Centered Awareness: Reconnecting with Your Physical Self

The journey to healing Complex PTSD often begins with reconnecting to your body. Dr. van der Kolk explains that "traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort" (van der Kolk, 2014, p. 97).

To begin practicing body-centered awareness:

Start with simple grounding exercises—focus on your five senses to anchor yourself in the present moment
Practice gentle body scans, noticing physical sensations without judgment
Incorporate mindful movement practices like yoga or tai chi
Work with a trauma-informed therapist who can guide you through somatic experiencing techniques

The benefit of this approach is significant: as you learn to feel safe in your body again, you begin to reclaim your sense of agency and control.

Creating Safety in Relationships: The Power of Secure Connections

Complex trauma often occurs within relationships, making healthy connections both challenging and essential for healing. Dr. van der Kolk emphasizes that "being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health" (van der Kolk, 2014, p. 79).

Working with a compassionate counselor can help you:

Identify relationship patterns stemming from trauma
Practice healthy boundaries and communication skills
Gradually build trust in safe relationships
Process attachment wounds in a supportive environment

Just as Complex PTSD doesn't develop overnight, healing is a journey that unfolds over time. By understanding the unique challenges of C-PTSD and engaging in body-centered, relationship-focused healing practices, you can begin to transform your relationship with trauma. Remember, as Dr. van der Kolk reminds us, "trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body" (van der Kolk, 2014, p. 21).

Are you ready to begin your healing journey? The compassionate counselors at Bareiter Counseling Center specialize in trauma-informed approaches to Complex PTSD. Call us today at 704-334-0524 to schedule your first appointment .

References: van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma . Viking.

Healing from Childhood Trauma: How to Reclaim Your Life

Tue, 08 Jul 2025 17:16:45 GMT

A Charlotte Therapist Explains Understanding and Overcoming the Impact of Early Trauma

Have you ever felt like past experiences still have a hold on you, even years later? Maybe certain situations trigger anxiety, or relationships feel strained without clear reasons. Childhood trauma can shape our nervous system, emotions, and behaviors in ways we don’t always recognize. But healing is possible.

The Lingering Impact of Childhood Trauma

Unresolved childhood trauma can affect mental and physical health, making it challenging to feel safe, trust others, or regulate emotions. According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, traumatic experiences can disrupt brain development, leading to heightened stress responses, anxiety, depression, and even chronic health issues.

Traditional talk therapy can help, but trauma often lives in the body as much as in the mind. That’s why somatic approaches—therapies that engage both the body and mind—are gaining recognition as practical tools for healing.

Healing Trauma with Somatic Experiencing

Dr. Peter Levine, a pioneer in trauma therapy, developed Somatic Experiencing (SE), a body-focused approach designed to help individuals process and release trauma stored in the nervous system. In his book Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma , Levine explains that trauma is not just the event itself but how our body responds to it. Unresolved trauma gets trapped in our nervous system, causing symptoms like chronic stress, emotional overwhelm, and physical pain.

Through Somatic Experiencing, individuals learn to gently reconnect with their bodies, restore a sense of safety, and complete the body's natural self-regulation processes.

The Power of Pendulation

One of Levine’s key techniques is pendulation , which helps individuals move between feelings of distress and feelings of safety. This method allows for trauma processing in manageable doses, reducing overwhelm.

How to Practice Pendulation:

Identify a Safe Feeling: Think of a place, memory, or sensation that brings comfort (e.g., warmth from the sun, a peaceful moment).
Notice a Difficult Emotion or Sensation: Without diving too deep, observe a feeling of discomfort or tension in your body.
Move Between the Two: Shift your focus from the difficult feeling back to the safe sensation. Go back and forth gently, noticing how your body responds.
Breathe and Observe: Allow yourself to feel the contrast without rushing. This teaches your nervous system that distress doesn’t last forever and that safety is accessible.

The Benefit: Reclaiming Control Over Your Emotions

Pendulation helps retrain the nervous system, so distressing emotions don’t feel as overwhelming. With practice, individuals gain greater emotional resilience and feel more in control of their responses to stress.

Finding Healing with Bareiter Counseling Center

If childhood trauma still affects your daily life, healing is within reach. At Bareiter Counseling Center , we offer trauma-informed therapy, including somatic approaches, to help you regain peace and emotional balance. Call us at 704-334-0524 to begin your journey toward healing today.

Citations:
Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma . North Atlantic Books.
National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (n.d.). "Effects of Trauma." Retrieved from www.nctsn.org

Transform Your Relationship: Breaking Harmful Communication Patterns

Wed, 25 Jun 2025 19:57:07 GMT

How Therapy Can Help You Identify and Overcome Destructive Communication Patterns in Charlotte

Introduction

"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives." Relationship expert Tony Robbins' powerful observation highlights a fundamental truth: communication is the foundation of our connections. Yet, for many couples in Charlotte seeking counseling, communication is often their greatest struggle.

The Problem

When communication breaks down, relationships suffer. Research shows that certain negative communication patterns can accurately predict relationship failure. Dr. John Gottman, a world-renowned psychologist and relationship researcher, identified four destructive communication patterns so harmful that he named them the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" - criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. When left unchecked, these patterns can erode trust, diminish intimacy, and ultimately lead to relationship dissolution.

The Solution

The good news is that these destructive patterns can be identified and replaced with healthier alternatives. Through evidence-based therapy, couples can learn to recognize their harmful communication habits and develop more constructive ways to express needs, concerns, and feelings.

Understanding the Four Horsemen

Dr. Gottman's extensive research at the University of Washington's "Love Lab" found that these four negative communication patterns are highly predictive of divorce:

Criticism : Attacking your partner's character rather than addressing specific behaviors
Contempt : Treating your partner with disrespect, mockery, or disgust
Defensiveness : Refusing to take responsibility and instead counter-attacking
Stonewalling : Withdrawing completely from interaction, shutting down emotionally

Gottman states, "Contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce" (Gottman & Silver, 2015). His research shows that couples who regularly display these patterns have over a 90% chance of divorce if the behaviors continue unchecked.

Breaking Destructive Patterns

Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward change. Here's how to begin transforming your communication:

Replace criticism with a gentle startup - express needs without blame
Counter contempt with building a culture of appreciation
Substitute defensiveness with taking responsibility
Combat stonewalling by practicing physiological self-soothing

Each antidote creates space for understanding rather than escalation, allowing couples to discuss complex topics while maintaining connection.

Conclusion

Communication patterns can either build bridges or walls in our relationships. By recognizing destructive patterns like Gottman's Four Horsemen and implementing healthier alternatives, couples can transform their interactions and strengthen their bonds.

Are harmful communication patterns affecting your relationship? At Bareiter Counseling Center, our specialized therapists are trained in Gottman Method Couples Therapy and other evidence-based approaches to help you break destructive cycles and build more fulfilling connections. Call 704-334-0524 to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward healthier communication today.

References: Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work . Harmony Books.

Understanding the Difference: How Anxiety Affects Children and Adults Differently

Wed, 18 Jun 2025 13:33:20 GMT

Expert Insights on Anxiety Treatment for Children and Adults in Charlotte

Imagine a seven-year-old refusing to attend school, complaining of stomach pains every morning. At the same time, their parent lies awake at night, consumed by worries about finances, health, and their child's future. Though both are experiencing anxiety, the manifestation and appropriate treatment approaches differ significantly.

The Growing Concern of Anxiety Across Generations

Anxiety disorders affect approximately 31.9% of adolescents and 19.1% of adults in the United States, making them the most common mental health condition across age groups. However, recognizing anxiety looks different depending on the developmental stage presents a challenge for many families seeking help.

According to Dr. Daniel Pine, Chief of the Development and Affective Neuroscience Section at the National Institute of Mental Health, "Children often can't articulate their anxious feelings the way adults can. Instead, they might show physical symptoms or behavioral changes that parents might not immediately recognize as anxiety."

How Anxiety Presents Differently: Children vs. Adults

Dr. Pine's research highlights several key differences in how anxiety manifests across developmental stages:

In Children:

More likely to express anxiety through physical complaints (stomachaches, headaches)
May display behavioral issues like tantrums, crying, or refusing activities
Often struggle to identify or verbalize what they're feeling
May show regression in developmental milestones during stressful periods

In Adults:

Generally better able to articulate specific worries and anxious thoughts
More likely to experience cognitive symptoms (rumination, catastrophizing)
May develop avoidance behaviors that impact work and relationships
Often aware they're experiencing anxiety, even if they can't control it

Age-Appropriate Anxiety Management Techniques

Understanding these differences allows for tailored therapeutic approaches. Dr. Pine emphasizes that while medication can be helpful in some cases, evidence-based psychological treatments should be first-line interventions for most children and adults.

Play therapy and family-based cognitive behavioral therapy have shown remarkable effectiveness for children. These approaches involve parents in treatment and use age-appropriate activities to help children develop coping skills.

For adults, individual cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness practices, and stress management techniques often yield positive results, giving adults concrete tools to recognize and challenge anxious thought patterns.

Finding Support for Your Family

Whether you're concerned about your child's anxiety symptoms or struggling with your anxiety, recognizing how these conditions manifest differently across developmental stages is the first step toward effective treatment.

Just as that seven-year-old with stomach aches and the parent lying awake with worries need different approaches to address their anxiety, your family deserves personalized care that considers each individual's developmental needs and circumstances.

At Bareiter Counseling Center, our experienced therapists specialize in treating anxiety across all age groups using evidence-based approaches tailored to each client's unique needs. If anxiety affect you or your child, call us today at 704-334-0524 to schedule an appointment with one of our compassionate counselors in Charlotte.

References: Pine, D. S. (2022). Developmental perspectives on pediatric anxiety disorders: Implications for research and treatment. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry , 63(4), 425-438.

National Institute of Mental Health. (2023). Anxiety Disorders in Children and Adolescents. Retrieved from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders/index.shtml

Healing Together: Rediscovering Intimacy After Trauma with Professional Support in Charlotte

Thu, 12 Jun 2025 14:48:58 GMT

Healing Together: Rediscovering Intimacy After Trauma with Professional Support in Charlotte

Have you ever felt like invisible walls keep you from experiencing the deep, meaningful connection you desire in your relationships? You're not alone on this journey.

Trauma can profoundly impact our ability to form and maintain intimate relationships. Whether stemming from childhood experiences, past relationships, or other significant life events, trauma often creates barriers to emotional and physical intimacy that can feel insurmountable. These challenges might manifest as difficulty trusting others, fear of vulnerability, emotional numbness, or physical responses to intimacy that feel beyond our control.

Dr. Wendy Maltz, a pioneering researcher in sexual healing from trauma, has extensively documented how trauma affects intimate relationships. Her research shows that approximately 25% of women and 10% of men experience sexual difficulties related to past trauma. However, she emphasizes that healing is possible and achievable through professional guidance and evidence-based therapeutic approaches.

Creating Safety: The Foundation for Healing Dr. Maltz's research emphasizes establishing a foundation of safety as the crucial first step toward healing. This involves:

Identifying and communicating personal boundaries
Developing clear, honest communication skills
Learning to recognize and express emotional needs
Understanding triggers and developing effective coping strategies
Building a support network of trusted individuals

The benefit: Individuals report feeling more in control of their healing journey and experiencing increased emotional security in relationships.

Rebuilding Trust Through Mindful Connection Dr. Maltz's approach introduces gradual exercises to restore trust and intimacy:

Start with non-sexual touch exercises to reestablish comfort with physical connection
Practice mindful breathing exercises together to stay present
Establish regular emotional check-ins with your partner
Create and respect a "pause" signal for overwhelming moments
Gradually increase intimate activities at a comfortable pace
Celebrate small victories and progress along the way

Understanding the Healing Timeline Recovery from trauma isn't linear, and everyone's journey is unique. Dr. Maltz's research indicates that healing often occurs in stages:

Establishing safety and stability
Processing traumatic memories
Reconnecting with self and others
Integrating new patterns of intimacy

Remember, just as those first steps toward healing might seem daunting, every journey begins with a single step. The path to healing intimate relationships after trauma requires patience, understanding, and often professional guidance. You don't have to walk this path alone.

At Bareiter Counseling Center, our experienced therapists specialize in trauma-informed care and understand the delicate nature of healing from trauma. We provide a safe, supportive environment where you can explore your healing journey at your own pace. Our evidence-based approaches, combined with compassionate care, can help you rebuild the intimate connections you deserve.

Ready to begin your healing journey? Contact Bareiter Counseling Center at 704-334-0524. Let us help you navigate the path toward healthy intimacy and meaningful relationships.

Source: Maltz, W. (2012). The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse. William Morrow Paperbacks.

ADHD in Children: A Practical Guide for Parents to Support Focus, Learning, and Confidence

Wed, 04 Jun 2025 17:11:09 GMT

Understand how ADHD affects your child’s brain and behavior—and discover proven strategies to help them thrive at home, in school, and in life.

As ADHD diagnoses are on the rise, there are more and more questions as to what it is and how parents can help their children navigate school and social situations and regulate their emotions.

First, it is important to change our perspective on ADHD by stating what it is not.

It is not a learning disability.
It is not laziness or defiance.
It is not immaturity.

ADHD is a type of mind and a style of learning. ADHD brains can be creative, problem-solving, hyper-observant, emotionally aware, and quick-thinking. By understanding their child’s learning and thinking style, parents can help their children blossom in school, confidence, and relationships!

Introduction to ADHD. Two systems within the brain focus on completing tasks. One system focuses on internal concerns and functions (i.e., self-reflection, emotional awareness/regulation, thinking about communication, etc.). It is called DMN or Default Mode Network. The other system focuses on external activities (i.e., school work, chores, communicating with others, expressing emotions). It is called TPN or Task Positive Network. A brain that does not operate under the ADHD umbrella can change between these two systems when a different task arises (no one does this perfectly, as everyone occasionally becomes preoccupied with their thoughts or overly focused on an external task). For a brain that does operate under an ADHD umbrella, these task systems overlap, making it more difficult to focus entirely on a task at hand or to express specific thoughts and feelings.

Dr. Hallowell, in his book ADHD 2.0, stated that ‘An ADHD brain is like having a racecar with bicycle brakes.’ ADHD brains are powerful and can accomplish amazing things, but as any racecar driver, you must practice using it well.

Tips and Tricks for helping your children with ADHD

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a great skill to teach your children, especially those with ADHD. It involves increasing awareness of one's daily life, including thought patterns, feelings, and reactions. Being more mindful can help one be more proactive than reactive. Mindfulness can be accomplished by writing thought patterns (A+B=C), journaling to bring more awareness to one's internal world, and taking deep breaths!

Breathing exercises

This works best when thoughts, anxiety, and hyperactivity begin. Breathing sends signals to our brain and nervous system to slow down. As with any new habit, starting this can feel difficult and clunky, but it is not about doing perfect! It is about trying.

Box Breathing - Breath in for four counts, hold for four counts, out for four counts, and then hold for four counts (Try doing this for about 2 - 3 minutes)
Breathing slowly out - when we breathe out for longer than we breathe in, this also sends a signal to our nervous system to slow down (i.e. Breathe in for four and out for six counts)
Drawing your breath- whether this is on a piece of paper or you are just tracing a surface with your finger, drawing your breath can give us a visual to create a deeper mind/body connection with ourselves!

Movement in general

ADHD brains can have a lot of energy that can bounce around easily! Getting energy out before doing a task that requires the TPN part of our brain is important! This allows the DPN part of our brain to get what it needs so that the TPN can focus more. Movement is also a great way to regulate our emotions. In his book, The Body Keeps the Score, Dr. states that emotions and memories can get stuck in different parts of the body. Emotion= energy+motion, so moving your body is a great way to process your feelings.

Acceptance

Shame can be prevalent within the neurodivergence community due to the way our society operates. Schools can be rigid and not open to working with kids whose brains operate differently. Because of that, it is vital to provide acceptance and encouragement to your child with ADHD! This will encourage their self-confidence and acknowledge their ability to think outside the box!

Tips and Tricks for School

Time Management and Routine

Having a set routine is helpful for ADHD brains, as these minds can run away with many different thoughts. A set homework, self-care, and daily task routine can help your child remember what needs to be done.
Help your child go through what is due each week with a planner and have a set time for your child to work on a specific subject

Staying engaged

ADHD can make it difficult for someone to stay focused on a specific task. Providing a fidget toy or allowing your child to doodle during class can help them concentrate or learn more easily.
Switching between homework assignments and breaking assignments down into smaller tasks can help your child stay engaged. ADHD brains become bored quickly, so they can easily get bogged down on one task. Switching it up can prevent this.

Bibliography: Hallowell E.M. & Ratey J.J. (2023) ADHD 2.0, (Sheldon Press)

By Sarah Rogers

Protect Your Child's Mental Health: Expert Screen Time Guidelines for Parents

Wed, 28 May 2025 18:10:36 GMT

Charlotte Therapists Share Research-Based Screen Time Management Strategies for Family Wellness

"Mom, just five more minutes!" Does this sound familiar? As parents navigate the digital age, managing screen time has become one of our greatest challenges. With devices constantly at our children's fingertips, how do we balance technology use and healthy development?

The problem isn't just about time spent on screens – it's about the impact on children's mental health, sleep patterns, and social development. Studies show excessive screen time can contribute to anxiety, depression, and attention difficulties in children and teens.

Fortunately, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) provides explicit, research-based guidelines to help parents manage screen time effectively while promoting healthy child development.

Creating Age-Appropriate Screen Time Boundaries

The AAP recommends specific daily screen time limits based on age:

Under 18 months: No screen time except video chatting
18-24 months: Limited high-quality programming with parent participation
2-5 years: 1 hour per day of quality programming
6+ years: Consistent limits that don't interfere with sleep, physical activity, and other healthy behaviors

Implementation Strategy: The Family Media Plan

Schedule screen-free times (meals, car rides, bedtime)
Designate screen-free zones in your home
Choose quality content that aligns with your family's values
Model healthy screen use as parents
Replace screen time with alternative activities like reading, outdoor play, or family games.

Benefits: Following these guidelines helps children develop better sleep habits, stronger social skills, and improved emotional regulation. Parents often report fewer behavioral issues and more meaningful family interactions.

Device-Free Dinner Challenge

Start with one dinner per week, completely device-free
Engage children in conversation using open-ended questions
Gradually increase to more device-free meals
Celebrate successful screen-free time together

When implemented consistently, these strategies create healthier boundaries around technology use while strengthening family bonds.

Remember that opening scenario? Instead of battling over "five more minutes," you can now confidently set and maintain healthy screen time boundaries using expert-backed guidelines.

Are you struggling to implement healthy screen-time habits in your family? At Bareiter Counseling Center, our experienced therapists can help you develop personalized strategies for managing technology use while promoting your child's mental and emotional well-being. Call us at 704-334-0524 to schedule a consultation .

Citations: American Academy of Pediatrics. (2016). Media and Young Minds. Pediatrics, 138(5): e20162591 Council on Communications and Media. (2016). Media Use in School-Aged Children and Adolescents. Pediatrics, 138(5): e20162592

Strengthen Your Child's Future Success: How Emotional Coaching Builds Resilience

Fri, 23 May 2025 14:56:13 GMT

Building Emotional Intelligence in Children Through Effective Emotional Coaching Techniques for Families Seeking Therapy

Have you ever wondered why some children navigate life's challenges with remarkable composure while others struggle with emotional regulation? The difference often lies in emotional intelligence—a vital skill set that can be intentionally developed from an early age.

The Problem: Children's Mental Health Challenges

Today's children face unprecedented stressors. According to recent studies, approximately 1 in 5 children experiences a mental health disorder in a given year (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2022). Many parents feel ill-equipped to help their children process complex emotions, often defaulting to dismissing feelings or attempting to quickly fix problems—approaches that can inadvertently hinder emotional development.

The Solution: Emotional Coaching

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist and researcher at the University of Washington, has extensively studied emotional intelligence in families. His research reveals that children whose parents practice "emotional coaching" demonstrate greater emotional resilience, academic success, and social competence than their peers (Gottman et al., 1997).

The Five Steps of Emotional Coaching

Emotional coaching is a practical approach that helps children understand and manage their feelings effectively. Dr. Gottman's research identifies five essential components:

Become aware of your child's emotions: Pay attention to facial expressions, body language, and verbal cues that signal emotional states.
Recognize emotional expression as an opportunity for connection: View emotional moments as chances to teach rather than problems to solve.
Listen empathetically and validate feelings: Allow your child to express emotions fully without interruption, using reflective listening techniques.
Help your child label emotions: Provide accurate words for what they're feeling, expanding their emotional vocabulary beyond basic terms like "sad" or "mad."
Set limits while problem-solving: Guide your child toward appropriate expressions of emotions while collaboratively addressing underlying issues.

The benefit of this approach is profound. Children who receive emotional coaching show improved concentration, higher academic achievement, stronger friendships, and reduced behavioral problems (Gottman & DeClaire, 1997). Perhaps most importantly, these children develop the internal resources to self-regulate, bouncing back from disappointments more quickly.

Conclusion

Every parent wants to raise children who can navigate life's complexities with confidence and resilience. By implementing Dr. Gottman's emotional coaching techniques, you're not just addressing current challenges—you're equipping your child with emotional intelligence skills to serve them throughout their lifetime.

Professional guidance can make a significant difference if you're finding it challenging to implement these strategies or if your child is experiencing persistent emotional difficulties. At Bareiter Counseling Center, our therapists specialize in helping families build stronger emotional connections and develop effective parenting strategies. Call us today at 704-334-0524 to schedule a consultation and begin your family's journey toward greater emotional well-being.

References:

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2022). Data and Statistics on Children's Mental Health. Retrieved from CDC website.

Gottman, J. M., Katz, L. F., & Hooven, C. (1997). Meta-emotion: How families communicate emotionally. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (1997). The heart of parenting: How to raise an emotionally intelligent child. New York: Simon & Schuster.

Protect Your Health: Understanding and Managing the Hidden Costs of Chronic Stress

Thu, 08 May 2025 15:27:52 GMT

Charlotte Therapists Explain How Chronic Stress Impacts Physical Health and Share Evidence-Based Solutions

"Your body's stress response system is beautiful in the short term and disastrous in the long term." - Dr. Robert Sapolsky's stark observation perfectly captures our modern predicament. While our bodies are designed for brief bursts of stress, many of us live in a constant state of high alert.

According to The American Institute of Stress, 77% of people experience stress that affects their physical health. Our bodies weren't designed to handle prolonged stress - it's like keeping your car engine constantly revved in the red zone.

When stress becomes chronic, it disrupts nearly every system in your body. Dr. Sapolsky's research shows that persistent stress can lead to cardiovascular problems, weakened immunity, digestive issues, and accelerated aging.

The Body-Mind Reset Protocol

This evidence-based approach helps interrupt the stress cycle and restore healthy functioning:

Morning Stress Audit (2 minutes)

Rate your stress level (0-10)
Identify physical tension spots
Note any stress-related symptoms

2. Strategic Pause Practice (3 times daily)

Take five deep breaths
Consciously relax shoulders and jaw
Perform gentle neck rolls
Stretch major muscle groups

3. Evening Wind-Down Ritual

Dim lights 2 hours before bed
Engage in calming activity
Limit screen exposure
Practice gentle stretching

Benefits: Research shows these practices can lower cortisol levels, reduce inflammation, improve sleep quality, and enhance immune function.

The Science Behind Success

Dr. Sapolsky's studies demonstrate that consistent stress management can reverse damage to the hippocampus - the brain's memory center - and improve cardiovascular health. The American Institute of Stress reports that regular relaxation practices can reduce healthcare visits by up to 43%.

Remember that opening quote about stress responses? By consistently practicing these strategies, you can transform your body's stress reaction from "disastrous" to manageable.

Are chronic stress symptoms affecting your daily life? At Bareiter Counseling Center, our experienced therapists can help you develop personalized stress management strategies that work with your lifestyle. Contact us at 704-334-0524 to begin your journey toward better health.

Citations: Sapolsky, R. M. (2004). Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers. Henry Holt and Company. The American Institute of Stress. (2023). Stress Research. https://www.stress.org/stress-research

Understanding Your Relationship Pattern: Transform Your Connections

Thu, 08 May 2025 15:13:24 GMT

Charlotte Therapist Helps Us Understand Our Attachment Styles: Unlocking Healthier Relationships Through Expert Insights

Have you ever wondered why you react the way you do in close relationships?

Many individuals struggle to understand the underlying patterns that shape their romantic and personal connections. Relationship dynamics are complex, often rooted in early life experiences that create specific attachment styles influencing how we connect, communicate, and respond to intimacy.

Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading relationship expert and founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), has pioneered groundbreaking research revealing how attachment styles fundamentally impact adult relationships. Her work demonstrates that approximately 50% of adults exhibit insecure attachment patterns that can significantly challenge emotional connections.

Identifying Your Attachment Blueprint. Dr. Johnson's research identifies four primary attachment styles:

Secure Attachment
Anxious Attachment
Avoidant Attachment
Disorganized Attachment

Transforming Relationship Patterns: Practical steps to understand and improve your attachment style:

Recognize your default emotional response in relationships
Practice self-reflection on past relationship patterns
Develop emotional awareness and communication skills
Seek professional guidance to address underlying attachment challenges

The benefits: Improved relationship satisfaction, deeper emotional connections, and healthier interpersonal dynamics.

Creating Secure Connection Strategies Key action items for developing secure attachments:

Practice vulnerable, honest communication
Learn to identify and express emotional needs
Develop active listening skills
Build trust through consistent, predictable behavior
Create safety in emotional interactions

Your relationship patterns are not fixed. Just as you first recognized the challenges in your connections, you can now choose a path of understanding and growth.

Ready to transform your relationships? Contact Bareiter Counseling Center at 704-334-0524. Our experienced therapists specialize in relationship dynamics and can help you develop healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Source: Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown Spark.

Transform Your Parenting: Less Stress, More Connection Using Brain-Based Discipline

Wed, 23 Apr 2025 12:33:24 GMT

Discover How Charlotte Parents Can Use Science-Backed Strategies for Peaceful Discipline

Picture this: Your six-year-old is melting down in the grocery store. Your face burns as other shoppers stare. In this moment, you have a choice: react from frustration or respond with understanding. What if you could transform these challenging moments into opportunities for connection?

Traditional discipline methods often leave both parents and children feeling discouraged and disconnected. Parents struggle with guilt over harsh reactions while children's emotional needs go unmet. Dr. Dan Siegel, author of "The Whole-Brain Child," explains that conventional punishment can hinder a child's emotional development and strain the parent-child relationship.

The brain-based positive discipline offers a different approach. Understanding how your child's brain works, you can respond to misbehavior by building connections while teaching important life skills.

According to Dr. Siegel's research in "The Whole-Brain Child," children's challenging behaviors often stem from an overwhelmed and dysregulated nervous system rather than defiance.

Connect-Then-Redirect Strategy: When your child is upset, their emotional brain is in charge. By connecting with their feelings first, you help calm their nervous system, making them more receptive to guidance.

Get down to your child's eye level
Acknowledge their feelings: "I see you're frustrated."
Offer physical comfort if they're receptive
Wait for signs of calming (slower breathing, relaxed muscles)
Only then, address the behavior and problem-solve together

This approach helps your child develop emotional regulation skills while strengthening your relationship. They learn they can count on you to understand their feelings, even when their behavior needs correction.

Choice-Within-Limits Technique Offering controlled choices helps children feel empowered while maintaining necessary boundaries.

Identify the non-negotiable (Example: bedtime routine)
Create two acceptable options
Present choices calmly: "Would you like to put on pajamas first or brush your teeth first?"
Honor their choice
Praise their decision-making

Children learn responsibility and decision-making skills while cooperating with necessary routines.

Time-In Instead of Time-Out Replace isolation-based punishment with connection-based guidance.

Create a calm-down corner in your home
Stock it with comfort items (soft toys, books, stress balls)
Join your child there during difficult moments
Help them identify and express feelings
Practice calming strategies together

Children learn emotional regulation skills while feeling supported and understood.

Remember that grocery store meltdown? With these brain-based strategies, you now have the tools to turn challenging moments into opportunities for connection and learning. Your response to your child's struggles can strengthen rather than strain your relationship.

If you're ready to transform your parenting approach but feel overwhelmed about where to start, our experienced family therapists at Bareiter Counseling Center are here to help. We offer personalized parent coaching to help you implement these strategies in your unique family situation. Contact us today at info@bareitercc.com or call 704-334-0524 to schedule an appointment and take the first step toward more peaceful parenting.

Simple Steps to Calmer Parenting: How Understanding Your Child's Brain Can Transform Discipline

Thu, 17 Apr 2025 14:24:36 GMT

Transform Your Family's Daily Struggles Into Peaceful Solutions: A Charlotte Parent's Guide to Brain-Based Discipline

Your toddler is screaming in the middle of Target. Your school-aged child refuses to do homework. Your tween slams their bedroom door. In these moments, wouldn't it be wonderful to have a roadmap for responding in a way that works?

Parents often feel trapped in a cycle of threats, punishments, and escalating emotions. Traditional discipline methods can leave both parent and child frustrated, misunderstood, and disconnected. Parents might interpret misbehavior as defiance rather than dysregulation without understanding what's happening in their child's brain.

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, co-author of "The Yes Brain" and "No-Drama Discipline," offers a revolutionary approach. Instead of focusing on punishment, she suggests understanding your child's brain state first, then responding with strategies that build connection and teach skills.

"When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it's our job to share our calm, not join their chaos," explains Dr. Bryson. This approach is backed by neuroscience research showing that children can't learn when they're emotionally overwhelmed.

The Connect-First Approach

Before addressing any behavior, create safety through connection. Your child's brain needs to feel secure before it can be ready to learn or change behavior.

Move closer to your child rather than sending them away
Get down to their eye level
Use a soft, calm voice
Reflect on what you see: "You seem upset right now."
Wait for signs of regulation (calmer breathing, softer face)

When you connect first, your child learns they can count on you during difficult moments, strengthening your relationship and emotional resilience.

The Name-It-To-Tame-It Method

Help your child understand and manage their emotions by giving them words for their experience.

Notice your child's emotional state.
Label the emotion: "It looks like you're feeling frustrated."
Validate their experience: "It's hard when things don't go as planned."
Share a similar experience of your own
Problem-solve together once calm

This strategy helps develop emotional intelligence and gives children tools for managing big feelings independently.

The Redirect with Respect Strategy

Once your child is calm, guide them toward better choices while maintaining their dignity.

Acknowledge their original desire.
State the boundary clearly
Offer acceptable alternatives
Support their choice
Celebrate their flexibility

Children learn problem-solving skills and feel respected even when they can't get their way.

Remember that Target meltdown? With these brain-based approaches, you now have the tools to turn challenging moments into opportunities for connection and learning. Each difficult situation becomes a chance to build your child's emotional intelligence while strengthening your relationship.

Are you ready to transform your parenting approach but feeling overwhelmed about where to start? Bareiter Counseling Center's experienced family therapists specialize in helping parents implement brain-based strategies in real-life situations. Contact us today at 704-334-0524 to schedule a consultation and begin your journey toward more peaceful parenting.

Letting Go of Anger: Finding Peace and Strength Through Self-Compassion

Thu, 07 Nov 2024 14:54:22 GMT

How Holding Onto Anger Hurts Us More Than Anyone Else

"Anger is like acid; it inflicts more damage on the vessel that contains it than on anything else it touches." Mark Twain's words resonate powerfully, underscoring the destructive nature of anger—not only toward others but also toward ourselves. In a world where emotional intelligence is crucial, recognizing the impact of anger on our well-being is non-negotiable. While anger may appear to be a quick fix in moments of frustration, it is imperative to acknowledge that, if left unchecked, it can erode us from within. Just as acid gradually destroys its container, bottled-up anger wreaks havoc on our own mental and emotional health. It is time to constructively confront and manage our anger before it causes irreparable damage.

Holding onto anger is often a product of unresolved conflicts, unexpressed emotions, or even a sense of injustice. It simmers beneath the surface, and we might convince ourselves that keeping it hidden helps us manage it. However, the reality is that internalized anger only breeds more pain, disrupting our mental and physical health. Chronic anger has been linked to various health issues like heart disease, anxiety, and digestive disorders, illustrating the toll it takes when we suppress or ignore it. Ironically, what we think we’re containing escapes and seeps into other aspects of our lives, impacting our relationships, goals, and overall sense of peace.

Releasing anger can be challenging, and it’s important to acknowledge that valid frustrations and painful experiences deeply impact us. It’s completely natural to feel this way, but holding onto anger often does more harm than good. Engaging in practices like journaling, mindful breathing, and open communication can be incredibly helpful in constructively processing these intense emotions. By choosing to confront our anger healthily, we not only protect ourselves from its long-term effects but also allow ourselves to grow stronger, more resilient, and more centered. Remember, feeling anger is entirely valid; what’s important is finding a way to transform that emotion into something positive for our well-being. You’re not alone in this; many of us are navigating similar feelings, and there is always hope for healing and growth.

In the end, releasing anger is an act of self-compassion. When we forgive, when we let go, we do it not only to heal our relationships with others but to nurture the relationship we have with

ourselves. Twain’s words are a gentle nudge toward this essential practice of self-care and emotional awareness. Instead of allowing anger to erode our joy and peace, we can use our energy to build a foundation for growth, connection, and inner strength.

By Bareiter Center Staff

Reconciliation 101: How to Heal After an Argument with a Loved One

Wed, 30 Oct 2024 13:31:03 GMT

Steps to Reconcile After a Fight: Apology, Forgiveness, and Moving Forward

The aftermath of an argument or fight with your loved one can leave you a place of sadness and even despair. You want to reconcile and move on but don’t know where to start and what to say to begin the reconciliation process. The first thing you can do is to apologize, which means expressing regret for something you said and did. This involves a few critical steps.

When you apologize:

Reflect on your behavior: Consider how you believed about the person and what you said and did that contributed to the conflict/issue, suspending your reasoning for the behavior. “ What was my role in this?”
Take Responsibility: Say “I’m sorry” clearly and sincerely without justifying your behavior by saying why you did it. “I’m sorry that I used unkind words and tone of voice. That was rude; I did wrong.”
Listen with Empathy and Make Changes: Give the other person an opportunity to respond without interruption. Then, discuss the changes you will make to prevent the same pattern of interaction from happening again.
Forgive Yourself

When being apologized:

Acknowledge your feelings (ex., anger, disappointment, disrespect)
Assertively express your expectations and boundaries with the problem in the future.
Let go of your right to vengeance, retribution, and negative thoughts toward the person who did wrong to you.
Communicate your forgiveness and work toward reconciliation.

Forgiveness can be a long process. A sincere apology can accelerate it, helping to build a more secure base and safety in repairing the hurt and damaged relationship.

By JoonAh Nesbitt

MA, LCMHCA

How to Strengthen Your Relationship as New Parents

Wed, 23 Oct 2024 13:04:12 GMT

Strengthening Your Relationship While Navigating Parenthood

Nothing throws a curveball into a couple’s relationship quite like having a baby! On the one hand a new baby has the potential to bring a couple closer together and to amplify the joy in the home. And simultaneously, it brings a whole added load of stressors to the table that the couple now has to navigate. Drs. John and Julie Gottman found in their research that 67% of couples report becoming very unhappy with each other during their first three years of their babies life, while only 33% report that they remained content in their relationship.

Some of the topics that we can talk through to actively work towards that place of contentment as a couple are:

Preparing for birth- decision making in the birthing room, how to support the mother during birth, how to help the father feel a part of the birthing process, identifying any boundaries you may want for your baby right after birth- visitors or no visitors in the hospital?, are we ok with family members kissing our baby?, what if loved ones don’t agree with our birthing plan? These are just some examples of the many questions that could arise and there are no right or wrong answers here! A therapist’s job is to help you identify what is the right answer for YOUR family.
Setting up support in those immediate postpartum weeks and helping both partners understand what is happening hormonally in a mother’s body after birth (the very real experience of the “baby blues” for a majority of postpartum women)
Sharing parenting tasks and decision making
Adjusting to demands of baby creating less time and focus on one another (and how to be intentional to get some of that focus back!)
Allowing each parent to have their own unique relationship with child- and this may mean that you approach parenting in slightly different ways

While I spoke specifically here in this article to some of the specifics involved in a couple bringing their biological child into their family by birth, these conversations are so important to be had however your family is formed. Please schedule an appointment to help prepare for and/or adjust to your role as parents, and we will approach your counseling experience with care and specificity to your unique situation.

By Lauren Owens Hill

MA, LCMHC, PMH-C

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor,
Certified Perinatal Mental Health

How to Become Securely Attached: Steps to Building Healthier Relationships

Wed, 16 Oct 2024 12:34:08 GMT

How to Become Securely Attached: A Guide to Healthier Relationships

Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby (1907-1990), is about how one emotionally bonds with another person. Attachment style has two big categories: securely attached or insecurely attached. For example, if you are insecurely attached to avoidance, you might avoid intimate relational and emotional relationships with someone because of your fear of being unwanted. You might not want to ask for help from other people or express your needs for affection from the other person, so try to take care of all these needs and longings independently. Or you might find faults with someone you thought you liked and be disappointed in them quickly, leading you to break up, leaving you feeling alone and empty inside–” Alone again!” You can become securely attached by increasing your self-awareness by following the steps

1. Family of origin work: Our attachment style now is mostly based on our bonding experiences with our primary caregivers as infants or children. Knowing what happened then may help you increase your awareness of your emotional bonding style.

2. Knowing yourself: you must have an idea of yourself that motivates you to behave the way you do now in your relationship. Make an internal shift and know your self-worth.

3. Surrogate attachment figure: To earn a secure attachment, you need to observe, interact, experience, and learn from the relationship. This healthier attachment figure can be a mentor, teacher, or friend.

4. Imparting what you have achieved: Reach out and pass on what you know, learn, and become.

Change doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient and mindful of who you are now. Be committed to intentional changes and how you can be changed with time without losing self-worth or beating yourself up in the process.

By JoonAh Nesbitt

MA, LCMHCA

Navigating the Natural Rhythms of the Year

Wed, 09 Oct 2024 14:52:17 GMT

How Seasons Influence Our Moods and Behaviors

Seasons play a profound role in shaping our emotions and behaviors. The warmth of summer and the chill of winter not only affect our daily routines but also influence how we perceive life. As daylight hours vary, our moods can sway, with brighter, sunnier months bringing more energy and darker, colder periods leaving us feeling more lethargic. Moreover, cultural traditions tied to certain seasons can deeply impact our generosity and sociability, particularly during the holiday season.

Seasons often bring about environmental changes that can influence our behavior directly. For instance, during the winter months, there is usually an increase in illnesses such as the flu, prompting people to be more mindful of their health and adopt more cautious behavior. When people are more susceptible to illness, they tend to spend more time indoors, reduce social interactions, and prioritize self-care. These seasonal fluctuations in health-related habits illustrate how our environment can drive changes in our behavior, both on an individual and community level.

The impact of seasons is also evident in regions that experience fluctuations in population, such as popular tourist destinations. In places like the Bahamas or Arizona, tourist numbers peak during specific seasons, bringing a surge in population density. These temporary changes don’t just affect local economies; they also influence how people plan their lives. When population levels rise, individuals may prioritize long-term goals, like saving for the future, and make more deliberate choices regarding family planning. These behavioral shifts highlight how deeply connected we are to the world around us.

Understanding how the seasons affect our behavior can help us navigate the different moods and energy levels we experience throughout the year more smoothly. By being aware that our feelings and motivation can shift with the seasons, we can prepare ourselves for these changes and find ways to adapt. Whether embracing the festive buzz of the holiday season or discovering ways to stay active during the winter, being in tune with seasonal influences allows us to maintain balance and well-being.

Seasons influence every aspect of our lives, from the most minor habits to the most significant decisions. By paying attention to these natural rhythms, we can adapt our behavior to the changing environment and make more informed choices throughout the year. Whether managing a business, planning a vacation, or simply adjusting your daily routine, understanding how the seasons affect us can lead to more mindful living.

By Bareiter Center Staff

Why Vulnerability is Key to Building Real Connections

Wed, 02 Oct 2024 16:42:47 GMT

Charlotte Therapist discusses the Importance of Vulnerability in Building Authentic Connections with Others.

In order for us to be truly connected with others and to be able to love and be loved, it is important that we can be vulnerable with others. Being vulnerable can be challenging, at is can allow us to feel exposed and more likely to get hurt or disappointed. However, it is crucial to develop an ability to be vulnerable, especially in our close relationships.

Understanding Vulnerability

Whenever you put yourself in a situation where you do don’t have control or you try something new, you are being vulnerable. This involves exposing yourself, taking risks, and being uncertain. Sometimes vulnerability feels like weakness, because taking risks and emotionally exposing ourselves can lead to feelings of embarrassment or shame. But being vulnerable is not a weakness. It requires strength, courage and bravery to really put ourselves our there.

Benefits of Vulnerability

Builds authentic connections with others
Can lead to effective communication
Builds trust and empathy
Can lead to greater sense of creativity
Can lead to personal growth

We can learn to be vulnerable in many areas of our lives. This includes in our personal relationships, including family, friends, and intimate partners. We can also learn go be more vulnerable in our work or school setting or in our community.

Ways to Become More Vulnerable

Get to know your self in an authentic way. It is important that welearn to love ourselves and embrace who we really are. This can be very difficult, as it involves accepting all parts of us, even the parts of us that feel unlovable or unworthy. This also means accepting and forgiving ourselves for the mistakes that we have made in the past.
Share your true feelings with others. It is important to let others know your authentic and true self. You can start by sharing smaller or more insignificant details and eventually share more. Of course, you will want to do so in a way that is respectful.
Heal emotional wounds from the past. When we fear being vulnerable, it is generally because we fear abandonment or rejection. Oftentimes, this is rooted in past experiences where we have experienced loss, rejection or abandonment. It can be very beneficial to meet with a therapist who can help you to heal these attachment wounds, so that you can be more open to being truly vulnerable with others.

At Bareiter Counseling Center, I work with individuals, ages twelve and older, and families. Exploring attachment wounds using Internal Family Systems, Family Systems, and Attachment Theory can all be helpful ways to find healing. This can be done in individual or family therapy. If to learn more about this and how I can help you, please contact 704-334-0524.

Melissa Mosca Fabeny

MA, LCMHC

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor

Unpacking the Past: The Benefits of Family of Origin Therapy

Thu, 26 Sep 2024 13:51:08 GMT

Explore Your Roots with Family of Origin Therapy

Family-of-origin therapy focuses on your early family experiences, helping you connect the dots of your life story. This process enhances self-awareness and clarifies behaviors and relationships that may have previously felt confusing. By exploring the influence of childhood family dynamics on your current relationships, you can better understand longstanding patterns, roles, and communication styles.

Examining these family dynamics allows you to gain insight into your self-perceptions and interactions with others. Acknowledging and understanding these experiences can facilitate healing and empower you to make intentional choices in your present relationships.

This type of therapy can be particularly valuable for those seeking to deepen their self-understanding, improve their connections with others, and foster positive change based on insights from their family history. In our sessions, we often use genograms to visually map out family relationships across generations.

We also incorporate experiential techniques, such as role-playing, guided imagery, and psychodrama. These methods allow clients to reenact important family interactions or process unresolved emotions in a supportive environment. These approaches promote self-awareness, emotional expression, and healing, ultimately guiding clients toward healthier patterns and dynamics in their lives.

By Beth Ann Sullivan

MA, LCMHC, LMFT, AAMFT Approved Supervisor

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Exploring Your Inner World Through Sandtray Therapy

Wed, 18 Sep 2024 12:05:50 GMT

Discover Healing Through Sandtray Therapy

Sandtray therapy is a creative counseling technique that involves a standardized sand tray and figurines or miniatures to create images, scenes, and stories. Clients are invited to externalize their inner world, emotions, and experiences by creatively arranging these figurines.

Often, words are not enough to express the complex emotions and sensations you experience. This can hinder your self-exploration in therapy, leaving you feeling stuck in your thoughts and unable to move forward. Sand tray work helps you to visualize what you experience internally without verbalizing it, which increases the sense of control and safety due to its non-judgmental approach. This promotes the client’s autonomy, emotional release, self-awareness, and creative problem-solving. Anyone can engage in sand tray work using their innate creativity—imagination. Using imagination, images, and symbols involves the right side of the brain, which is responsible for intuitive, emotional, and visual functions, where trauma also lies. This is why sand tray therapy technique is often used to treat those with trauma.

A sand tray therapy session is structured into five stages: Introduction, Creation, Reflection, Integration, and Follow-Up. Each stage requires the client to actively engage with their emotions, intuition, imagination, and the personal meanings they assign to the symbols they select, fostering deep self-reflection. This clear structure ensures that the therapeutic potential of sand tray therapy is fully realized.

By JoonAh Nesbitt - MA, LCMHCA

Transforming Conflict: How Skilled Resolution Can Strengthen Relationships

Thu, 12 Sep 2024 17:47:02 GMT

Navigating Conflict: How to Turn Challenges into Opportunities

Often, when we hear the word conflict , we think about something bad. What if I told you that conflict doesn’t always have to ring the alarm bells in your mind? Conflict actually could be something that, when approached with curiosity and care, could enhance your relationships.

Conflict is part of our everyday lives. It is and will be inevitable as long as relationships or human interaction exists. You see it is quite natural, if you think about how uniquely we all have been created. And as you know from your experiences, this uniqueness also allows for differences in values and perspectives.

So maybe we agree that conflict is just that , two people looking at the same thing through different lenses. It is the interaction of opposing perspectives which we developed throughout our lives. We may have learned those via our family traditions, from caregivers or other influential people as we were growing up, or simply we developed them through our own experiences.

So what can one do , when those opposing viewpoints come to clash? As hard as it may seem and as challenging as it may be, conflict resolution ‘done the right way’ could provide deeper understanding and opportunities for individual and relational growth. Some of the things that help this positive outcome are self-awareness, compassion and skilled communication.

So how do we do it ? Luckily, at BCC our therapists are trained in guiding you to understand the root causes of your conflict (individual or couple), help you learn how to manage your emotions, foster empathy towards yourself and others, and enhance your communication skills. Through therapy you can learn how to collaborate vs collide, how to explore and embrace common ground and find shared values, goals and better harmony in your relationship(s).

By Bareiter Center Staff

What Does It Mean to See a Counseling Intern? Affordable Therapy Explained

Mon, 09 Sep 2024 14:32:29 GMT

Considering Counseling? Why Seeing an Intern Could Be a Great Option

What does it mean to see an intern for counseling?

Are you considering counseling, but finding it difficult due to insurance constraints or high deductibles? Or perhaps you're without insurance and can only afford a small fee? In such cases, seeing a counseling intern, who offers a more affordable price point, could be a beneficial option for you.

What is a counseling intern?

Interns are graduate counseling students, which means they are working towards a Master’s degree in counseling. Most internships occur in the latter half of graduate counseling programs, which means that interns have taken several classes on various aspects of the counseling process to get to this point in their graduate school journey. Interns are well-equipped to be trauma-informed, culturally competent, and ethical counselors. Additionally, interns undergo weekly supervision from a trained supervisor at Bareiter Counseling Center and their accredited universities for extra support, feedback, and assistance in meeting their clients' unique needs.

What can I expect when I see a counseling intern?

Counseling interns are counselors in training learning the ins and outs of the therapeutic process! To learn and grow in their counseling skills, an intern might, with your permission, video or audio record your sessions. This allows them to watch or listen to re-experience their sessions and gain a greater understanding of your time together. It’s also helpful for them to play these clips during their supervision time so they can gain valuable feedback from their supervisors.

If you’re considering seeing an intern for counseling, rest assured that they are eager, excited, and dedicated to learning the counseling process and supporting their clients. Whether it's you, your partner, or your family, our intern at Bareiter Counseling Center is committed to providing the support you need during this time

By Madison Price - Intern

Couples Intensives: Building Meaningful Connections

Wed, 28 Aug 2024 16:36:57 GMT

Creating Stronger Bonds Through Couples Intensives

Two unheard hearts cannot make the bridge to a meaningful connection. What is blocking your effort to listen to the person you care for? Is it a lack of curiosity, or do you not know how to make the other person feel heard/understood? The renowned couples therapist and researcher, Dr. Gottman, said that the two people accepting influence from each other can make a meaningful connection in their relationship, which is one of the critical factors of a successful marriage. Accepting influence doesn’t mean agreeing or giving in but being open to the other person's thoughts, feelings, and ideas. It is acknowledging that the person has a valid point on the issue.

You can use many more skills and tools to improve your communication with your partner–all based on research that was proven to be effective. For example, what you can do to get an understanding of your partner’s dreams and aspirations within the conflicts that you are experiencing, how you can reconcile the arguments that hurt both you and your partner so much, how you can compromise, what it means to have a good argument that leads you to where you want to be with your partner. You can learn what those skills and tools are and how to implement them in your relationship through couples' intensive sessions at Bareiter Counseling Center.

JoonAh Nesbitt

MA, LCMHCA

Navigating Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER): What Every New Mom Should Know

Thu, 22 Aug 2024 19:41:32 GMT

Understanding Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER) and Its Impact on New Mothers

The hormonal changes that accompany motherhood can be startling- from pregnancy to postpartum to breastfeeding, a lot is going on in a new mother’s body beyond just the physical changes that can leave her feeling out of control and confused as to why she doesn’t feel like herself. One of the conditions that hormones can bring on during breastfeeding is dysphoric milk ejection reflex (D-MER). With D-MER, a woman experiences an abrupt feeling of dysphoria that occurs right before her milk lets down and lasts for less than 5 minutes. This dysphoria is experienced as feelings of depression, anxiety, irritability, panic, agitation, or restlessness. The prevalence of D-MER is estimated to be around 9.1%- a rate significant enough to impact a large number of moms, yet a condition not commonly talked about or understood.

The condition is described as a reflex because hormones entirely control it and is not controlled by the mother- in other words, it is not your fault! Some basic facts about hormones and the milk ejection reflex:

Milk is released out of the breast as a result of rising oxytocin
Dopamine levels decrease to trigger the body to make more milk- when the body is functioning as intended, the mother does not notice this dip in dopamine.
In a mother with D-MER, the dopamine levels drop way too low, causing a wave of dysphoria.

This is an example where knowledge can be empowering and comforting. I would love to help you wade through the vast opinions and misinformation I’m sure we have all encountered on the internet and look at the facts surrounding your postpartum season. Understanding that dysphoria is a physical reaction of the body rather than the onset of a genuine depression can help prevent the fear and panic that may coincide with such a confusing onset of emotions. Additionally, we can work together to track your symptoms, consider possible action steps to relieve them, and help you maintain your breastfeeding journey for longer if that is your desire.

By Lauren Hill

MA, LCMHC, PMH-C

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor,
Certified Perinatal Mental Health

The Healing Power of Connection: Why the Therapeutic Relationship Matters Most

Wed, 14 Aug 2024 14:00:00 GMT

Unlocking Growth Through Trust: The Vital Role of the Therapeutic Relationship

Therapists are often taught that the therapeutic alliance or relationship is the most significant factor in growth and healing in the therapy room. This may be surprising for a field with so much research, tools, modalities, and avenues for client care. The reality is that all of these are obsolete if there is no trust or connection between the client and clinician in the therapy room. When clinicians are genuine, empathetic, caring, and intentional, people feel a sense of safety – almost as if they can “exhale.” In this state, a person can have corrective emotional experiences, understand the fundamentals of developing a healthy relationship, feel safe in their bodies, and learn how to regulate their nervous system.

The therapeutic relationship can help people change. There is no other place where a human is actively listened to, empathized with, and fully enveloped in intimate stories than in a therapy room. Every “mhmm,” mirroring of facial expressions, and reflections spoken back contribute to authentic growth as the client begins to feel deeply heard and known. The therapist is attuned to the client in a way that the client gets to view themselves and how they are in relationships with others. As the therapist interacts with their client with genuine curiosity, the client can understand their own story and make sense of it.

When selecting a therapist, it's crucial to consider these qualities. How you feel in their presence is significant. It's akin to a well-tended garden bed – a place of nourishment and growth, where you can flourish in ways you might not have expected.

By Sarah Laneve

MA, LCMHCA

Page Title Finding Your Inner Voice: Unlocking the Power of Literature and Narration

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 14:16:10 GMT

Finding Your Inner Voice Through the Power of Literature

It's so easy to lose touch with our inner voice in the whirlwind of our daily lives. This internal compass, which guides our thoughts, decisions, and creativity, often gets drowned out by external noise and distractions. However, finding and nurturing this inner voice is essential for personal growth, self-awareness, and authentic living. One deeply impactful way to reconnect with this inner voice is through the world of literature.

Here are some guiding ideas on how to find and use your inner voice:

The Inner Voice: Your Guide

Your inner voice is a unique blend of intuition, thoughts, and feelings. That quiet, insightful whisper knows your true desires, values, and aspirations. Listening to this voice helps you make decisions that align with your authentic self and fosters a deeper understanding of who you are.

However, hearing this inner voice can be challenging in a world filled with constant stimuli and external opinions. That's where literature comes in.

Literature: A Gateway to Your Inner World

Reading literature is a profound way to connect with your inner voice. Great books serve as mirrors, reflecting our deepest thoughts, fears, and dreams. When you engage with a well-crafted story, you embark on a journey that can lead to greater self-discovery.

Here’s how literature can help nurture your inner voice:

1. Exploring Diverse Perspectives

Literature exposes you to different perspectives and experiences. Whether you're reading a classic novel, a contemporary piece, or even poetry, each work invites you to see the world through the eyes of others. This broadens your understanding and empathy, helping you to articulate your thoughts and feelings better.

2. Stimulating Critical Thinking

Good literature challenges you to think critically. It raises questions about morality, society, and the human condition. As you ponder these questions, you dialogue with your inner voice, clarifying your beliefs and values.

3. Inspiring Creativity and Imagination

Stories ignite your imagination and creativity. They transport you to different worlds, times, and realities. This mental stimulation encourages your inner voice to explore new ideas and possibilities, fostering a more vibrant and dynamic inner dialogue.

The narrator plays a crucial role in guiding readers through the story in literature. Your inner voice similarly acts as the narrator of your life. Just as a skilled narrator can make a story compelling and meaningful, a well-tuned inner voice can lead to a richer and more fulfilling life.

A good narrator provides insight, context, and interpretation, helping readers understand the deeper meanings behind the story. Your inner voice does the same, offering you clarity and perspective on your experiences. It enables you to make sense of the world and your place in it, guiding you toward personal growth and self-actualization.

To cultivate a strong inner narrator, make reading a regular part of your life. Choose books that challenge you, resonate with you, and inspire you. As you read, pay attention to how the narrators shape the stories. Reflect on how they provide insight and depth, and consider how you can apply these techniques to your inner dialogue.

Finding your inner voice is a journey of self-discovery, and literature is a powerful tool. By immersing yourself in stories, you can nurture your inner voice, enrich your understanding of the world, and enhance your ability to navigate life authentically and purposefully.

So, pick up a book, dive into its world, and listen closely to your inner voice. You might be surprised by the wisdom and creativity it reveals.

By Bareiter Center Staff

Inside Out 2: How Pixar’s Sequel is Bringing Families Closer

Wed, 31 Jul 2024 16:20:48 GMT

Inside Out 2: A Heartfelt Journey for Families

When Pixar released "Inside Out" in 2015, it quickly became a favorite for its unique portrayal of how our emotions work. Now, with the release of "Inside Out 2," families have even more to look forward to. This sequel continues Riley’s story as she navigates the ups and downs of being a teenager, and it is making a big impact on how families talk about and understand emotions.

Why Inside Out 2 is Important for Families

Promoting Emotional Intelligence

Inside Out 2 helps everyone in the family better understand their feelings. Watching Riley and her emotions—Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust—encourages children and adults to embrace a wide range of emotions. The movie also introduces new emotions, demonstrating that as we mature, our emotional experiences become more intricate.

Enhancing Empathy and Understanding

Seeing Riley’s struggles can help parents and children empathize with each other. The movie illustrates that everyone has their own emotional battles, making it easier to understand and support one another. It’s a great way for parents to see what their kids might be feeling and for kids to realize their parents have emotions too.

Addressing Adolescent Challenges

The teenage years can be challenging, and "Inside Out 2" doesn't shy away from that. It shows Riley's experience of growing up in a way that many people can relate to, making it easier for parents to talk about these changes with their children. The movie can serve as a starting point for discussing difficult topics such as mood swings and identity struggles in a way that feels both safe and approachable.

Encouraging Open Dialogue

Watching Inside Out 2 together can open up conversations about emotions and mental health. It gives families a shared experience to refer back to when discussing feelings. This can make it easier for everyone to talk about what’s going on inside their heads without feeling judged or misunderstood.

Strengthening Family Bonds

Ultimately, Inside Out 2 is about understanding and accepting all parts of ourselves. This message is powerful for families because it shows that everyone’s emotions are valid and important. By working together to understand these feelings, families can strengthen their bonds and support each other better.

When my family and I watched Inside Out 2, it sparked conversations we hadn’t had before. My teenage daughter related to Riley’s journey, and it gave us a way to talk about her own experiences with growing up. It wasn’t just about the movie; it was about understanding each other better.

For me, seeing Riley’s parents trying to navigate their daughter’s changing emotions made me reflect on my own parenting. It reminded me that it’s okay not to have all the answers and that sometimes, just being there and listening is enough.

Inside Out 2 isn’t just an animated film; it’s a heartfelt journey that can help families connect on a deeper level. By promoting emotional intelligence, empathy, and open dialogue, it’s a tool that can bring families closer together. Watching Riley’s story unfold encourages us all to understand and embrace our emotions, making our family bonds stronger and more resilient.

So, gather your family, watch Inside Out 2, and let the conversations begin. You might find that it’s more than just a movie—it’s a step towards a happier, healthier family life.

By Bareiter Center Staff

Finding Healing through Grief

Wed, 10 Jul 2024 13:08:22 GMT

The Journey of Grief and Healing

A time will come when we all must travel down the pathway of grief to discover a new normal. While over time, society has created timelines and stages to help describe the grieving process, some descriptions can appear rigid, thus limiting the uniqueness of the experience to the individual. Grief appears more as a winding path, which can be moving forwards or backward at differing points, and where the final destination of a new normal will be distinctive to the individual. Here are some markers we may experience along the journey: Shock. Shock could produce feelings such as disbelief or numbness, depending on the nature of the loss. While shock can feel paralyzing to the griever, it also can allow compartmentalization to respond to crisis, therefore having an adaptive function.

After the initial shock, the system eventually moves forward. This is when reality sets in, often accompanied by difficult emotions and symptoms. Physical illness, sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt, isolation, and loneliness are just a few of the heavy experiences a griever may face. This phase is often described as 'Disorganization'. It's common for grievers to feel like they're moving backward at this point, but this is a natural part of the journey. As the road winds further, they can find themselves in a state of rebuilding. This is where changed values, new choices, and new meanings can emerge. Memories may feel more balanced or even contain gratitude. It's important to remember that the new normal is always changing, and with each loss or celebration, the way values are integrated into our lives may adapt.

For many, the difficult emotions and symptoms can be a long part of the journey. While each griever may feel alone at times, many have traveled down their own roads of grief and healing. While each pathway may be different, a powerful bond can form between those who have discovered life after loss. Finding community and support in seasons of grief can lighten the load and plant seeds of hope for future travelers.

Hannah Tomlinson

MA, LCMHC

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor

Understanding Birth Trauma from a Certified Perinatal Therapist

Wed, 03 Jul 2024 15:18:46 GMT

Birth Trauma: A Certified Perinatal Therapist’s Perspective

There are so many different feelings that can come along with having a baby. Some might describe their child's birth as the “best day of my life.” But for others, birth can be an experience that feels less joyful and more appropriately described as traumatic. How does one describe trauma in this context of birth? A life-threatening experience for mom and baby falls under this category of birth trauma, but it’s not quite as simple as that. 1 in 3 mothers would describe their birth as some degree of trauma. Sometimes, a traumatic birth may even look “normal” to an outsider looking in, but it is more about how the mother experienced the birth- how she felt during and after it. It is a distressing event related in some way to the birth of your baby- whether before, during, or after the actual birth. This could entail the birth not going according to plan, an unexpected c-section, a painful tear, not feeling heard or validated by medical professionals, a surprise NICU stay for the baby- the list could go on and on. Combined with the already present difficulties of the postpartum season (hormonal shifts, baby blues, lack of sleep, colossal life adjustment in taking care of a baby 24/7), birth trauma can lead to symptoms that make it hard to function in daily life. It can greatly increase the likelihood of developing perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs).

Birth trauma can be challenging to share with others because well-meaning loved ones can throw platitudes at a new mama, which, albeit may be well-intentioned, can be dismissive of what she is going through emotionally following a challenging birth- do any of these sound familiar? “Well, the baby is healthy; that’s what matters,” or “I’m sure it was all worth it to get your baby, right?” Additionally, that new mom may be bombarded by positive and joyful birth stories from friends or on social media, leading to increased feelings of grief/jealousy/anger over why they didn’t get to have that kind of birth experience. As a certified perinatal mental health counselor, I am passionate about creating space for mothers to express their full range of emotions about birth and entering motherhood without judgment and to process them in a way that pursues healing. It is crucial for healthcare professionals to understand and empathize with these experiences, providing the necessary support and care.

If you would like help navigating life as a new mom and processing your birth experience reach out to Bareiter Counseling Center. We would love to help.

By Lauren Hill

MA, LCMHC, PMH-C

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor,
Certified Perinatal Mental Health

The Hygge Way of Life: Enhancing Well-Being Through Danish Comfort

Wed, 26 Jun 2024 15:12:13 GMT

Embracing Hygge for Mental Health and Well-Being

Hygge is a Danish term, and way of life, that emphasizes feelings of contentment, comfort, connection, and minimalism. Practicing hygge can highlight the simple pleasures in our day to day and bring families, friends, and communities closer together.

Learning about hygge, and traveling to Denmark in the winter, I noticed that hygge is more about being than doing:

-Many families use candles, or soft light, and blankets to create atmospheres of coziness

-The Danish enjoy clean design lines and lots of multi-use items so not to clutter spaces

-Being active and appreciating nature is imperative, you would not believe the amount of bikes in Copenhagen!

-Playfulness is practiced regularly, and I noticed the Danes try not to take life too seriously and make the most of the limited daylight in the winter.

I believe that implementing a little bit of hygge in our lives can improve our mental health. Turn off screens and cozy up on the couch with your favorite warm beverage, blanket, soft lights, loved one, pet, or a book! Notice your surroundings and how they make you feel.

Acknowledge if there is a part of you that wants to get up and “do” something and ask that part to rest and connect with you.

Next time you are at a park or outside for a walk in your neighborhood, notice the nature and the people around you. Try not to rush. Connect with your community in a meaningful way. Laugh and play, especially if it feels awkward for you, it has healing powers.

And if you ever get the chance to visit Denmark, GO!

By Caroline Racher Turak

MA, LCMHC, RPT

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor

Registered Play Therapist

Intangibles of Play Therapy

Wed, 19 Jun 2024 22:14:52 GMT

Intangibles of Play Therapy

One of the most impactful parts of play therapy is the child’s experience within the therapeutic relationship. The therapist’s ability to be consistently self-aware, authentic, and attuned is essential. Garry Landreth says, “The relationship is the therapy,” and “If I focus on the problem, I will lose sight of the child.” How the therapist shows up is much more important than what you do. Children look for cues of safety and connection; this can be a long process and requires patience.

The therapist intentionally uses body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and eye contact to create an environment of unconditional positive regard and acceptance, reassuring you of the safety and care your child will experience. We prioritize your child's comfort and safety above all else. A therapeutic relationship that is genuine and true grants the child freedom to delve into and express their intense emotions without reservation.

Dr. Sue Bratton emphasizes the importance of delighting in the child, just as they are, without an agenda for change. This approach fosters a sense of understanding and respect, leading to healing in the relationship. We believe in a non-judgmental approach that respects and values your child's unique journey.

We welcome you to reach out to our office if you are interested in working with a Registered Play Therapist. We are here to assist you.

By Caroline Racher Turak

MA, LCMHC, RPT

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor

Registered Play Therapist

Believing in the Goodness of Every Human Being: A Path to Healing

Wed, 12 Jun 2024 18:15:59 GMT

Embracing Goodness, Hope, and Freedom

Believing in the goodness of every human being and believing there is hope and freedom is an essential part of healing from trauma. We can recreate what we didn’t have growing up. Delight, honor, and love are what change us. Yet, one of our biggest obstacles to healing is what we come to believe about ourselves and the shame we feel. Facing our contempt with curiosity and compassion can be a way to get to the pain and grief about our stories.

A few helpful questions to start the healing process are: How was my heart broken in my life? How well did my parents attune to me, respond to me, engage with me, and repair with me?

Betrayals in our younger years shape us. As children, the first thing we do is adapt and cover our broken hearts to feel safe. Children can read motives and intentions and sense the dis-ease in their families. Yet when we are children, the dis-ease in our families often prevents parents from being a safe place. When a child’s nervous system is overwhelmed, it needs protective strategies to cope. These ways of protection usually work well for children and shape ways of relating as adults, but they can prevent us from developing the kind of relationships we long for.

Deep hurts develop when we have not felt “delighted in” during childhood. It can be difficult to face our wounds, yet we need to understand our trauma to heal and grieve what we endured. Memories can often become fragmented, but healing can begin by honoring what we know with kindness and curiosity. Naming what is true can be life-changing. We need to ask ourselves, what am I refusing to name? Where do I need help? What do I know but don’t know?

Would you like to compassionately and curiously face the contempt that may have developed during childhood? Would you like to unpack the ways that your heart has been broken and understand your trauma? Call Bareiter Counseling Center and schedule an appointment. You can experience the joy and freedom that God meant for you.

By Beth Sullivan

MA, LCMHC, LMFT, AAMFT Approved Supervisor

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

The Healing Power of Therapeutic Journaling: Navigating Life's Ups and Downs, One Page at a Time

Wed, 05 Jun 2024 14:49:44 GMT

The Healing Power of Therapeutic Journaling

In the midst of our busy lives, it's often a challenge to acknowledge and process our emotions. But what if I shared a tool that's not only simple but also within your reach, empowering you to navigate life's emotional rollercoaster? That tool is therapeutic journaling – a practice that's as accessible as it is transformative.

At its essence, therapeutic journaling is about giving voice to our deepest thoughts and feelings, be it anger, grief, anxiety, or joy. It's about creating a liberating space on the blank pages of a journal, where you can explore the peaks and valleys of your experiences without fear of judgment or inhibition.

So, how does it work? Well, it's as simple as putting pen to paper or typing in your PC. Start by setting aside a few minutes each day to sit down with your journal. Reflect on the events that have unfolded, the emotions that have surfaced, and the thoughts swirling in your mind. Write them down, uncensored and unfiltered. Allow yourself to pour out your heart onto the page, knowing that your journal is a sanctuary free from the scrutiny of others.

But therapeutic journaling isn't just about recounting the events of the day. It can also be a powerful tool for processing and healing from specific traumatic or stressful life events. Whether it's the loss of a loved one, a breakup, or a challenging life transition, journaling allows us to confront our emotions head-on and make sense of our experiences to promote healing and growth.

One of the most significant benefits of therapeutic journaling is its ability to provide clarity and perspective amid emotional turmoil. By externalizing our thoughts and feelings onto the page, we gain distance from them, allowing us to see them more clearly and objectively. In doing so, we often uncover insights and solutions previously obscured by the fog of our emotions.

Furthermore, the act of journaling itself can be incredibly liberating. There's a unique therapeutic quality in putting our thoughts and feelings into words and seeing them materialize on the page. It's a form of self-expression that can be profoundly empowering, enabling us to reclaim our personal power in the face of life's trials.

Therapeutic journaling is a deeply personal journey, and there's no one-size-fits-all method. Some may find comfort in writing free-flowing thoughts, while others may prefer structured prompts or exercises. The key is to discover what resonates with you and approach the practice with an open mind and heart.

Therapeutic journaling is a powerful tool for navigating life's ups and downs with grace and resilience. By giving voice to our emotions and experiences, we can better understand ourselves and our inner world. So why not pick up a pen and start journaling today? Your journey to healing and self-discovery awaits one page at a time.

By Bareiter Counseling Center Staff

The Benefits Of Family Counseling To Resolve Conflict

Wed, 29 May 2024 14:26:15 GMT

Charlotte Therapist Utilizes Family Therapy to Reduce Conflict and Strengthen Relationships Among Family Members

Each family is diﬀerent, and there are often various ways that each member relates to one another. Families sometimes have great difficulty dealing with conflict or life challenges in general. Learning new skills can be very beneficial in resolving conflict more effectively and feeling more connected with other family members.

The benefits of family counseling may vary from family to family because every family may have different goals for family counseling. Each group is unique, like each family culture, so the best support for their challenges can differ.

However, some common benefits of family counseling may include the following:

Learning to negotiate and normalize requests for healthy boundaries within the family
Developing a sense of mutual respect for all families
Practicing positive conflict resolution skills
Identifying sources of conflict within the family
Improving communication within the family

Whether you consider your family life to be struggling or not, any family may benefit from practicing communication skills, showing respect for one another, and learning positive conflict-resolution strategies.

Agreeing to negotiate

Usually, our first angry impulse is to push the point that we are right and win the argument at any cost. Finding a peaceful resolution can be difficult, if not impossible when both or multiple people feel that they are in the right. It helps if everyone decides as a family to try listening to each other and negotiating instead.

Suggestions include:

Work out if the issue is worth fighting over.
Try to separate the problem from the person.
Try to cool off first if you feel too angry to talk calmly.
Remember that the idea is to resolve the conflict, not win the argument.
Remember that the other party isn’t obliged to always agree with you on everything.
Define the problem and stick to the topic.
Respect the other person’s point of view by paying attention and listening.
Talk clearly and reasonably.
Try to find points of common ground.
Agree to disagree.

At Bareiter Counseling Center, I work with individuals ages 12 and older, utilizing individual and family therapy. To learn more about how family therapy can help you and your family, please contact 704-334-0524.

Melissa Mosca Fabeny

MA, LCMHC

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor

Do You Know How Marijuana Can Affect the Body?

Wed, 22 May 2024 16:05:22 GMT

Effects of Marijuana on the Body: Insights from Bareiter Counseling Center

Do you know how marijuana can affect the body? Is marijuana really harmless, as the culture can portray?

Marijuana impairs the brain and central nervous system, which impacts thinking, mood, memory, and coordination. Additionally, it clogs the synapses between the nerve cells, which ‘slows’ the transfer of information in your brain. Marijuana has a significant impact on perception, thinking, and reality. It can contribute to poor concentration, mental confusion, loss of motivation, wide mood swings, aggression/hostility, and increased symptoms of depression, anxiety, and paranoia.

As many have observed, marijuana use can impact the appearance of the eyes, making them look sleepy, bloodshot, and glassy, and can dilate the pupils.

Marijuana use can increase your heart rate by 50%, which can impact blood pressure and pose a greater risk to those with hypertension and heart disease.

Marijuana impacts the throat and lungs as one would expect, leading to damage and increased risk of cancer, inflammation, and infection. Did you know that marijuana has twice as much tar as cigarette smoking?

Marijuana has a tremendous impact on the endocrine and reproductive system. The endocrine system is damaged, including a network of glands, organs, and hormones that impact growth, energy levels, and reproduction. Organs and glands include pituitary glands, thyroid glands, stomach, duodenum, pancreas, adrenal glands, and testis. Can you feel these organs and glands? Do you know what the endocrine system controls? This system impacts, dysregulates, and disrupts appetite, sleep, energy, motivation, and mood patterns, to name a few.

Males' and females’ reproductive systems are especially vulnerable to the impact of marijuana use during the years of puberty, as it impacts the hormone levels needed in sexual development.

Furthermore, marijuana use in males can decrease and degenerate sperm, as well as lower sex drive. Females can have egg damage, suppression of ovulation, disruption in ovulation, and menstrual cycles.

Regular marijuana use during pregnancy can lead to lower birth weight and other abnormalities similar to fetal alcohol syndrome (small head, irritability, poor growth, and development throughout childhood and adolescence). Additionally, marijuana use can impact chromosomal numbers and can even result in cell abnormalities and impaired functioning.

Lastly, like many substances, marijuana can depress the immune system, interfering with the body’s ability to protect itself from invading bacteria, viruses, chemicals, foreign particles, parasites, fungal microorganisms, and other infections (including cancer growth).

Are you or someone you love concerned about your marijuana use? Or are you concerned about a loved one’s use of marijuana? Please reach out for more help at www.bareitercc.com sh to make an appointment.

By Kara Watson-Cuellar

MA, LCAS, LCMHC

How Can Curiosity Help Calm Your Anxiety?

Wed, 15 May 2024 17:30:39 GMT

How can the proverb "Curiosity killed the cat" be reconciled with the idea that curiosity can reduce anxiety, and what strategies can therapists use to help clients harness curiosity in a beneficial way without leading to negative outcomes?

There is an old proverb, “Curiosity killed the cat.” I suppose it refers to nosy people

being overly inquisitive about others’ affairs. However, there are times when curiosity

can be helpful to us.

Research has demonstrated that when we are curious, our pupils open a bit wider. This

is a reaction to taking in more information. There is also an inverse correlation between

curiosity and anxiety. If we are curious about something, we are less likely to be

anxious. Imagine a scientist looking at the results of his experiment under a

microscope. More than likely he is curious to see whether his theory has been

confirmed or how the results will inform future experimentation. He is not afraid of the

results, he is curious.

Think about how you can use this to your advantage. When you walk in alone to a

party, rather than being nervous about how you look, whether people will talk to you,

and what you will talk about, take a moment to take the scene in. How are others

dressed? How are they interacting? What’s the vibe of the room? Externalize yourself

for a moment to take in helpful information that you can then use to inform how you

interact with others. Let your curiosity provide you with valuable data that you can use.

You may notice that with the more information that you take in, your anxiety may

decrease.

Think of this as kind of a formula for reducing anxiety: Curiosity brings in data, data

informs our decisions, making our own decisions gives us control, and having a sense

of control reduces anxiety.

By Richard Halliburton

MACC, LCMHC

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor
Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Candidate

Exploring the Polyvagal Theory: Understanding Nervous System States in Children

Wed, 08 May 2024 16:58:50 GMT

Decoding the Polyvagal Theory: A Guide to Understanding Children's Nervous Systems

The Polyvagal Theory focuses on what is happening in the body and nervous system and explains how our sense of safety, danger, or life threat can impact our behavior. The word polyvagus means “many wanderer.” The vagus nerve runs from the base of the brain through the trunk of the body and limbs.

The theory explains three different states of the nervous system.

Immobilized (dorsal), mobilized (sympathetic), and engaged (ventral) states can be explained to children using the terms shadow, bolt, and serenity state.

When the nervous system is immobilized (shadow), you might notice the emotions of freezing, dissociation, numbness, helplessness, or despair. It can also be characterized by dark thoughts, heavy eyes, an empty stomach, and weak limbs.

When the nervous system is mobilized (bolt), you might notice emotions such as fear, anger, frustration, anxiety, excitement, or panic. Racing thoughts, a hot face, a fast heartbeat, a dry mouth, and shaky limbs can also characterize this state.

When the nervous system is engaged (serenity), you might notice the emotions of calmness, contentment, curiosity, love, or trust. This state can also be characterized by focused and clear thoughts, a peaceful and content heart, a nourished stomach, and groundedness.

It’s important to know that hybrid states exist, too. Think of when you are trying something new and feel both mobilized and engaged or falling asleep and feeling a combination of immobilized and serenity.

Using a polyvagal theory approach in play therapy, the therapist remembers that techniques and interventions come second to connection to help a child’s nervous system feel safe. Familiarity and consistency are essential. Play allows for autonomic flexibility, which is when the child can move fluidly in and out of states without getting stuck in defensive states. Play is a neural exercise that increases autonomic flexibility. Play integrates a felt sense of safety!

Humming, singing, gargling, playing wind instruments, and activities with an elongated exhale regulate the vagus nerve.

Are you interested in incorporating more nervous system-informed and co-regulating play at home? You can use reciprocity games like hide-and-seek, you draw, I draw, tic-tac-toe, turn-taking, and attunement games like freeze dance, mirror game, balloon

tap, or Simon Says. Integration happens when both the left and right hemispheres of the brain are activated through words and play.

You and your child can check out Jackie Flynn’s book, “Being Human: A Polyvagal Informed Story About The States of The Nervous System.”

In addition, if you are interested in working with a registered play therapist and learning more about supporting your child’s nervous system, please reach out!

By Caroline Racher Turak

MA, LCMHC, RPT

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor

Registered Play Therapist

Boundaries: What are they and why are they important?

Wed, 01 May 2024 13:04:42 GMT

Understanding Boundaries: A Key to Personal Well-Being and Fulfillment

After bringing up the idea of boundaries, someone said, “Why would we talk about boundaries?

We aren’t cattle!” While of course we are not animals needing to be contained by a physical

fence, we are living beings with values, experiences, and preferences. As part of the human

experience, every one of us has automatic dignity – you matter. Boundaries are simply the

property lines that define who you are and who you are not. Only you can determine what

those are specifically for you.

A great way to start naming what your boundaries are is to pay attention to your inner world.

What makes you feel uncomfortable? What makes you feel good? Increasing your self-

awareness in this area through journaling, meditation, prayer, and reading can be helpful in

sorting out what matters to you. Making a priorities list may be part of this process as well – is

there an area that you feel requires your attention first? Sometimes it is also helpful to look

back so that you can make appropriate boundaries for yourself moving forward. If something

hasn’t worked in the past, it is likely not going to work in the future. We can ask ourselves

where we feel like we are compromising our values.

As you think through these questions, consider these boundary areas: skin, words, geographical

distance, time, emotional, consequences. Is there a voice you feel like you need to have in any

of these spaces?

For further study, check out Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend’s book, “Boundaries:

When to Say Yes and How to Say No” (1992).

By Sarah Laneve

MA, LCMHCA

Healing Trauma Through Compassion and Curiosity: A Path to Joy and Freedom

Wed, 24 Apr 2024 13:18:05 GMT

Exploring the Impact of Childhood Trauma on Healing and Well-Being

A few helpful questions to start the healing process are: How was my heart broken in my life? How well did my parents attune to me, respond to me, engage with me, and repair with me?

By Beth Ann Bareiter

MA, LCMHC, LMFT, AAMFT Approved Supervisor

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Navigating Toxic Relationships: A Journey to Self-Rediscovery

Wed, 17 Apr 2024 12:14:01 GMT

Understanding the Impact of Toxic Relationships on Self-Identity

Human connections enrich our lives, yet some relationships leave us feeling hurt and questioning our identity. Whether it's a toxic romantic entanglement, a destructive friendship, or a dysfunctional family dynamic, the aftermath can be profoundly disorienting.

If you've experienced the turmoil of a toxic relationship, know that you're not alone. Many have traveled similar paths, grappling with complex emotions and seeking solace. At our group will offer a supportive environment where shared experiences foster understanding and healing.

Embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery over four weeks, guided by women, for women. Our 90-minute, in-person therapy group provides empowerment and support as you reclaim your sense of self.

To find more about our Group Rediscover Yourself after a Toxic Relationship

By Madison Price - Intern

The Power of Emotional Intelligence: Elevating Every Part of Life

Wed, 10 Apr 2024 16:45:54 GMT

The Magic of Emotional Intelligence (EI) in Enhancing Everyday Experiences

In a world often focused on intellect and proficiency, there exists a quiet yet powerful force: emotional intelligence (EI). This remarkable quality imbues mundane moments with depth, resilience, and understanding, shaping a life of profound connection and fulfillment.

Picture yourself effortlessly mingling at a gathering, effortlessly attuned to the emotions of those around you. This is the essence of EI—it enables us to comprehend our own feelings while empathetically grasping the experiences of others. Armed with EI, we become adept communicators, adept at diffusing conflicts and fostering genuine connections through simple gestures of kindness.

Yet, EI's influence extends far beyond social interactions. In times of adversity, EI becomes our anchor, empowering us to navigate life's storms with grace and fortitude. Stressors that once seemed insurmountable become mere bumps in the road as EI equips us with the resilience to persevere amidst challenges, emerging stronger and wiser.

Moreover, within the realm of leadership, EI reigns supreme as the catalyst for transformative change. Imagine a leader who listens intently, understands deeply, and inspires fervently—such is the power of EI. By fostering authentic connections with their team members, EI-driven leaders cultivate environments of trust and collaboration, fostering not only productivity but also a sense of fulfillment among their workforce.

However, the impact of EI transcends professional spheres, profoundly influencing our relationship with ourselves. Through EI, we learn to navigate our internal landscape with compassion and self-awareness, managing our emotions in constructive ways. This self-mastery fosters a sense of inner peace and contentment, paving the way for personal growth and fulfillment.

In the grand tapestry of success, EI emerges as the ultimate game-changer. Studies consistently underscore the correlation between high EI and professional success, as individuals adept in emotional intelligence forge robust relationships and navigate challenges with finesse. With EI as our guiding light, the possibilities are boundless, propelling us towards unprecedented heights of achievement and fulfillment.

In essence, emotional intelligence is akin to a superpower—one that has the potential to revolutionize every facet of our lives. Let us embrace this remarkable quality, nurturing it with care and intentionality, for with EI as our ally, the journey ahead is imbued with infinite promise and possibility.

By Bareiter Counseling Center Staff in Charlotte, NC

Can IFS be Applied to Addiction Recovery Therapy?

Wed, 03 Apr 2024 22:05:22 GMT

IFS is a powerful way to work with addiction

Many see therapy for addiction recovery as a challenging and unique aspect of mental health counseling. Some models of therapy try to fit addiction into their theoretical model in unhelpful ways. Others use a more cognitive approach.

IFS is a powerful way to work with addiction. In treating addictive behavior as a part, we can facilitate clients diving deeper into the roots of this disease. In being non-pathologizing, IFS is also de-shaming. This is a huge help in addiction recovery since shame tends to live beneath the surface of clients struggling with addiction.

As I explain both IFS and the disease of addiction, I share that addictive behavior is both a disease and a part, not one or the other. It is a disease with genetic and environmental components. From an IFS lens, this is a part - a firefighter born to protect the client - albeit in unhelpful ways. Befriending the part is the path to healing.

If you want to deepen your work with clients in addiction recovery, adding IFS will lead to greater outcomes. Learn more about implementing IFS with addiction through Serenity and Courage: Applying the Wisdom of IFS in Work with Addiction at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte, NC.

By Carol J. Hollandsworth

MA, LCMHCS, LMFT, AAMFT Approved Supervisor

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor Supervisor (NC, SC)

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy (NC, SC), Level III Certified IFS Therapist

Treating Trauma with IFS Therapy

Tue, 26 Mar 2024 17:23:27 GMT

Every Story deserve to be explore according to Internal Family Systems (IFS)

Trauma comes into our office in a variety of ways. Clients sometimes state this as their presenting issue – either a recent or past trauma that is impacting their lives. It may have been physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal. It also comes from family dynamics and attitudes. It may be overt or covert and subtle. More often than not, I have seen trauma appear from underneath the presenting issues – the Self of the client (or parts) may have brought the client to therapy, while other parts work hard to keep the exiles buried.

We explore their story. Gather the context of their upbringing and work with the presenting issue and parts related to the here-and-now struggles. We (and our clients) will uncover the layers to get to the root of their struggles – the trauma.

Anything brought into therapy may be a trailhead – we follow the lead of our client’s system.

It helps some clients to have some psychoeducation about trauma and its impact on their inner sense of well-being, sense of safety, relationships, and ability to perform normal activities of daily living. Many clients may say – that’s just how it was, or others had it worse. I then introduce the possibility of minimizing parts.

An important tip: Don’t use triggering words – follow their lead and gently lead them. It may be impactful to hear the validation. But it takes time to get used to words like addiction, abuse, rape, etc. Janina Fisher shares in Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation , “When we start to understand traumatic memory from a neurobiological perspective, client memories do not have to be avoided or discharged.

We simply have to help clients develop a different relationship with their explicit and implicit memories. Acknowledging the trauma or implicit triggered memories is never unsafe, especially when we allude to the ‘bad things that happened’ in a more general way without vivifying the details of them or using triggering language, such as ‘rape,’ ‘incest,’ or ‘penetration’…This matter-of-fact acknowledgment of the past often calms the traumatized nervous system rather than activating it: it conveys, ‘Someone knows how it was.’”

If you want to dive deeper into treating trauma with IFS, join us for Understanding and Treating Trauma with IFS at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte, NC.

By Carol J. Hollandsworth

MA, LCMHCS, LMFT, AAMFT Approved Supervisor

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor Supervisor (NC, SC)

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy (NC, SC), Level III Certified IFS Therapist

Looking at our Stories through the Lens of our Parts

Wed, 20 Mar 2024 13:04:54 GMT

IFS therapy has its roots in Family Systems Theory and Family Therapy?

Dick Schwartz’s early training and work were in systems and family therapy. He studied and worked with patterns within individuals shaped by the roles they played within their families of origin. Over time and experience, Dick began to notice the client’s individual and internal family systems. From this work and the study of people, IFS was born. The internal roles, relationships, and the notion of a self-developed out of a systems perspective.

While the goal is ultimately self-leadership and facilitating the client befriending parts and unburdening exiles, having the detailed family history as a backdrop for our parts work with clients can be beneficial. At times, IFS is somewhat directive – a genogram can offer a road map and guide us in how to ask just the right questions – a gentle nudge towards connecting the dots.

If you want to add greater context at the outset of IFS therapy, creating a genogram may be the answer. Learn more about connecting clients’ stories through a genogram by joining us for: Connecting our Stories and our Parts: Using Genograms and Parts Maps in IFS Therapy at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte, NC.

By Carol J. Hollandsworth

MA, LCMHCS, LMFT, AAMFT Approved Supervisor

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor Supervisor (NC, SC)

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy (NC, SC) Level III Certified IFS Therapist

What’s All the Buzz about IFS?

Wed, 13 Mar 2024 20:12:58 GMT

The Basic Theory of Internal Family Systems (IFS)

You have probably heard all the talk in the therapy world about Internal Family Systems Therapy. What is all the chatter about? IFS is an evidence-based model of therapy that has proven to make lasting changes for clients.

Rather than the more traditional, cognitive models of therapy, IFS gets to core wounds and helps our clients connect with who they are at their core - their true and authentic selves.

If you are new to this model of therapy, it can feel difficult to implement at first. One tip is to Introduce the basic theory of IFS this way:

a. I share that I primarily use a model of therapy called Internal Family Systems – the basic premise being that everyone of us has a Self – the core of who you are – who you were made to be consisting of your unique personality, gifts, passions and the universal qualities of compassion,…(the 8 C’s).

b. However, every one of us has been wounded in life, in some form – from our families, schools, bullying or more global forms of trauma. From events or dynamics, parts get exiled off. c. Then to keep the pain at bay, protective parts are born – like anxiety, anger, addiction, worry, internal critic, etc. They serve to keep the emotions buried or work hard to prevent the wounds from recurring.

d. (So – I will share some or all of that as an explanation of the model. Some people want the description – some may not.)

If you want to energize your practice through implementing this ground-breaking model of therapy, learn more through IFS! We have an introductory workshop at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte, NC: An Experiential Exploration of Internal Family Systems .

By Carol J. Hollandsworth

MA, LCMHCS, LMFT, AAMFT Approved Supervisor

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor Supervisor (NC, SC)

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy (NC, SC), Level III Certified IFS Therapist

Trauma and EMDR

Fri, 01 Mar 2024 21:48:15 GMT

Are you Familiar with EMDR:

Trauma is psychologically distressing information that has been encoded into the nervous system. Typically, at the root of trauma is a negative belief regarding safety or identity. The brain is adaptive, creating a new protective response to perceived danger. Problematically, people struggle to outgrow these responses naturally. Have you heard the saying “time heals all wounds”? Well, we know this is not always the case. Here is why: Logically, we may know that we are safe now and capable of coping, but emotionally, our nervous systems still send us into self-preservation mode. We call this “cognitive dissonance,” or the lapse between what we know is true and what we feel. Trauma freezes moments, and our belief system adapts automatically. Fortunately, it is possible to unfreeze this. What do I mean by this? Let me provide another metaphor. Trauma carves trails of understanding/coping into our brains. These trails feel the most secure and become well-worn over time. The problem is they are not the most efficient and up-to-date with the landscape around us. Our job is to carve new adaptive trails to become “unstuck.” The brain is impressive in neuroplasticity (ability to change), and research shows we can carve new neural pathways into the brain. We can accomplish this process through EMDR.

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. To become unstuck, we have to revisit trauma. This has to be done carefully, as the goal of EMDR is not to relive the traumatic incidents but rather to update the brain by revisiting these incidents and encoding new information. A new message could be, “I’m okay now; I can cope.” EMDR accomplishes this by using bilateral stimulation (stimulation of both sides of the brain). The process mimics REM sleep in this way. By accessing both sides of the brain, a delicate balance is struck between experiencing the memories and staying grounded in the present. EMDR desensitizes the distressing incident/negative belief and installs a positive belief in its place. Another benefit of EMDR is that you do not have to share every detail with your therapist to be effective since it is an experiential therapy. Empowerment can come from realizing that you are capable of addressing trauma, knowing your therapist is right there with you, and you are capable of finding a new way forward.

By Hannah Tomlinson

Shapiro, F. (2017). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, third edition : Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures .

The Art of Resilience: Navigating Life's Challenges with Grace

Thu, 22 Feb 2024 10:55:15 GMT

Charlotte's Therapist reflect: How to make Resilience as a form of Art

Life is a journey full of unexpected twists and turns, a rollercoaster of emotions that often tests our resilience. In the face of challenges, resilience becomes our guiding force, enabling us to navigate obstacles gracefully and emerge stronger on the other side. It's not about avoiding hardships but embracing them as opportunities for growth.

Resilience is a muscle that can be strengthened through practice and mindful awareness. When life throws curveballs, take a step back and reframe the situation. Instead of viewing challenges as insurmountable obstacles, see them as stepping stones towards personal development. This shift in perspective lays the foundation for resilience, fostering a mindset that can weather the storm and find meaning even in the most challenging circumstances. With this approach, you can build an unbreakable mental fortitude that will help you overcome any obstacle that comes your way.

Cultivating resilience also involves building a strong support system. Surrounding ourselves with positive influences, whether friends, family, or mentors, provides a safety net during tough times. Sharing our struggles and seeking guidance alleviates the burden and opens up avenues for new perspectives and solutions. Embracing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but a testament to our strength in reaching out for help when needed.

Resilience is a vital skill that enables us to overcome adversity and emerge victorious in the grand tapestry of life. It empowers us to bounce back from setbacks, learn from our mistakes, and thrive in uncertainty. As we journey through life, we will inevitably face numerous challenges, but by embracing the art of resilience, we can turn every obstacle into an opportunity for personal growth. Let us tap into the inner strength within us all and emerge stronger, wiser, and more resilient.

By Bareiter Counseling Center Staff in Charlotte, NC

Overcoming the Fear of Failure

Wed, 13 Dec 2023 23:34:29 GMT

Charlotte's Therapist Staff talks about

Are you struggling with the fear of failure? You are not alone. This is a common issue, especially if you have grown up in an environment where performance is highly valued. Whether it is due to the pressure of expectations or watching your parents deal with the burden of perfection, these early experiences can shape your perception of self-worth. The message that you may have received is that love and attention are only given if you perform flawlessly. It is important to break free from this conditioning to avoid overworking or other potentially harmful coping mechanisms.

To cultivate a healthier relationship with success and failure, consider redirecting your focus from external validation to internal fulfillment. By acknowledging that you are inherently valuable just as you are, irrespective of your accomplishments, you empower yourself to break free from the cycle of perpetual striving. It's not about abandoning your aspirations but recognizing that your journey is as significant as the destination.

Recognizing the roots of your fear is the first step toward liberation. If you've unconsciously absorbed the belief that your value is tied solely to achievements or perfection, it's time to challenge that narrative. Remember, your worth is inherent, independent of what you do or how flawlessly you perform. Embracing this mindset shift can be transformative, allowing you to shed the weight of unrealistic expectations and embrace your authentic self.

Overcoming the fear of failure is a journey that leads to self-discovery and self-compassion. By understanding the origins of your perfectionist tendencies and recalibrating your mindset, you can free yourself from the relentless pursuit of flawlessness. You should embrace the idea that your value depends not on what you achieve but on the unique essence of who you are. It's time to rewrite the narrative and celebrate the beauty of imperfection in your personal and professional endeavors.

By Bareiter Counseling Center Staff in Charlotte, NC

The Key to Healthy Relationships and Personal Fulfillment

Wed, 06 Dec 2023 19:07:13 GMT

Charlotte's Practice Staff talks about Redefining Boundaries

Do you ever find yourself feeling undervalued or unappreciated in your relationships? It's common to play with the idea that setting boundaries or saying "no" is detrimental or cruel. Many of us were raised with the belief that prioritizing our own needs could jeopardize our relationships. However, the absence of boundaries can breed toxicity and resentment, ultimately eroding the very connections we cherish. It's time to reframe these notions and embrace the power of establishing boundaries as a catalyst for healthier relationships and personal contentment.

The societal narrative often portrays setting boundaries as selfish, implying that prioritizing personal needs might harm the harmony in relationships. This belief can instill guilt or fear, leaving individuals hesitant to voice their limits or say "no." However, failing to set boundaries can lead to emotional exhaustion, resentment, and a sense of being taken for granted, poisoning the relationships we aim to nurture.

Establishing boundaries isn't an act of cruelty but a foundation for respectful and fulfilling connections. Honesty, transparency, and assertiveness in communication are crucial in setting boundaries. We cultivate understanding and mutual respect within our relationships by clearly articulating our needs and limitations. It's about fostering an environment where both parties feel heard, valued, and empowered to prioritize their well-being.

Though challenging at first, embracing honesty and setting boundaries pave the way for genuine fulfillment. It's about honoring one's needs without guilt or fear of reprisal. Healthy boundaries create authentic connections built on mutual respect, leading to relationships that excel in understanding and empathy. Saying "no" when necessary becomes an act of self-care, nurturing not only the relationship but also one's mental and emotional well-being.

The shift toward setting healthy boundaries isn't an easy path, but it's transformative. Embrace the power of boundaries as a cornerstone for healthier relationships and personal contentment. Saying "no" isn't a negative act; it's an affirmation of self-worth. It's time to rewrite the narrative and create relationships that flourish on respect, understanding, and mutual fulfillment.

By Bareiter Counseling Center Staff in Charlotte, NC

Art Journaling as a Therapeutic Tool to Awaken Creativity

Mon, 16 Oct 2023 18:19:15 GMT

Charlotte's BCC Staff talks How to build a Creative Sanctuary

Amidst our busy schedules, it's common to feel inundated and disconnected from our imaginative inclinations. We sometimes overlook the joy of artistic self-expression. That's where art journaling comes into play, offering us a therapeutic means of rejuvenating and cultivating our creative impulses. The potential benefits of art journaling are worth exploring, as it can serve as a powerful tool for self-discovery, healing, and kindling our imagination. It's an exciting prospect worth considering.

A Creative Sanctuary: Art journaling provides a safe space where there are no rules or boundaries, making it an ideal haven for self-expression. Unlike traditional art forms, there is no need to worry about making mistakes or creating something "perfect." This freedom to experiment can be incredibly liberating. Art journals are not just a place for sketches and paintings but can also incorporate written words, collage, and even found objects. This amalgamation of different mediums encourages you to explore new avenues of creativity.

A Healing Journey: Art journaling has a unique ability to tap into your emotions and thoughts. It allows you to confront and process your feelings, serving as a therapeutic release. The act of creating in your journal can help you unwind, reduce stress, and gain insight into your own mind. By reflecting on your creations, you may discover patterns or triggers, which can be pivotal for personal growth. In a way, art journaling becomes a form of visual storytelling, enabling you to connect with your inner self.

Unlocking Creativity: Creativity is a skill we all possess, but it often lays dormant due to the pressures of daily life. Art journaling is like a gentle nudge to rekindle your creative spark. It encourages you to explore new techniques, experiment with colors, and challenge your own perceptions of art. The more you delve into your journal, the more your creativity flows, and you begin to see the world in a new light. This process can be especially therapeutic for those who struggle with creative blocks or artist's self-doubt.

A Journey of Self-Discovery: Art journaling is not only about creating beautiful images; it's also a means of self-discovery. By revisiting past journal entries and artwork, you may recognize shifts in your thoughts, emotions, and perspectives. This retrospective insight can be profoundly revealing. It's like a visual diary of your inner life, documenting your personal journey and growth over time.

Building Resilience and Confidence: Art journaling is an incredibly inclusive practice. Regardless of your skill level or experience in art, you can reap its benefits. This inclusivity can foster a sense of accomplishment, boosting your self-esteem and confidence. Over time, you'll see your creations evolve and improve, reinforcing the belief that you are capable of continuous growth and self-expression.

In many words art journaling could be a therapeutic tool that serves as a nurturing space for creativity, healing, and self-discovery. It awakens the artist within, providing an avenue to explore the depth of your emotions and the breadth of your imagination. By giving yourself permission to embrace this creative journey, you not only enhance your artistic abilities but also develop a deeper connection with your inner self. So why not pick up that blank journal and let the colors and ideas flow as you embark on this transformative voyage of art journaling?

By Bareiter Counseling Center Staff in Charlotte, NC

Embracing Emotional Intelligence through a Christian Lens: Shifting from Blame to Reflection

Thu, 07 Sep 2023 13:41:12 GMT

Charlotte Therapist discuss "Adam Grants quote" A sign of emotional intelligence is moving from 'you made me feel’ to 'this is how I reacted

Emotional intelligence is a cornerstone of wholesome living in a world marked by diverse interactions and relationships. Renowned organizational psychologist Adam Grant once encapsulated this truth in a thought-provoking quote: "A sign of emotional intelligence is moving from 'you made me feel’ to 'this is how I reacted.'" This shift reflects a deep understanding that while external stimulations influence our emotions, our interpretations and responses shape our emotional landscape. This perspective harmonizes beautifully with our faith values as Christians, calling us to self-awareness, responsibility, and grace. Let's explore how this insight aligns with Christian teachings, enriching our lives and relationships.

Transforming Relationships with Grace:

The transition from 'you made me feel' to 'this is how I reacted' beckons us to mirror Christ's example of grace and forgiveness; by recognizing that emotions blend external factors and our internal responses, we're positioned to extend empathy and compassion. In Matthew 18:21-22, Jesus instructs Peter to forgive seven times and seventy-seven times. This endless fount of forgiveness finds its roots in understanding the intricate relations between external circumstances and our emotional reactions. As Christians, we're called to offer this grace to others as God has shown us, nurturing healthier, more loving relationships.

The Ownership of Our Reactions:

In a World where blame-shifting is all too common, the Christian virtue of taking responsibility for our reactions shines. The quote challenges us to move away from giving our power to control our emotions to others and instead acknowledge our personal responsibility for our reactions. This mimics the biblical principle of self-examination, as in Psalm 139:23-24, where we're encouraged to invite God to search our hearts and reveal any hurtful ways within us. Such introspection is full of humility, allowing each person to grow spiritually and emotionally.

Adam Grant's quote, "A sign of emotional intelligence is moving from 'you made me feel' to 'this is how I reacted,'" harmonizes beautifully with Christian values. It prompts us to take ownership of our emotional responses, infuse our relationships with grace, cultivate wisdom, and embark on a journey toward Christlikeness. In a world that often champions blame and emotional reactivity, this shift in perspective invites us to a higher standard of living. As we integrate this wisdom into our lives, we draw nearer to the heart of God, transforming not only our emotional landscape but also the lives of those around us.

Cultivating a Heart of Wisdom:

Proverbs 4:23 instructs us to guard our hearts diligently, for the springs of life flow from them. Applying the wisdom of this verse, we learn that emotional intelligence involves cultivating a discerning heart that filters external situations through the crystal of truth. Our interpretations play an important role in shaping our emotional responses, and understanding these interpretations with godly values guards us against hasty, potentially harmful reactions. Through prayer, meditation on Scripture, and seeking guidance from mentors, we can develop emotional resilience deeply rooted in Christian values.

By Bareiter Counseling Center Staff in Charlotte, NC

Embracing the Power of Hope: Let Your Choices Reflect Your Hopes, Not Your Fears

Wed, 23 Aug 2023 15:45:34 GMT

Charlotte Therapists reflect on Nelson Mandela's quote

Nelson Mandela once beautifully articulated, "May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears." These words are a great reminder of the tremendous influence our decisions can have on our lives. In a world often clouded by uncertainties and challenges, it's important to recognize the significance of aligning our choices with our aspirations. We must start encouraging ourselves and our surroundings to embrace hope as a driving force in our decision-making process.

The Weight of Choices:

Life presents us with countless big and small choices, each with its own consequences. Often, fear gets in, clouding our judgment and steering us away from paths that could lead to growth and fulfillment. However, Mandela's words urge us to cast aside these apprehensions. When our hopes shape our decisions, we embrace opportunities that may be initially daunting but hold the potential for extraordinary rewards.

Cultivating Resilience:

Selecting hope as our guiding light builds resilience within us. Life is rife with challenges, but when our choices are optimistic, setbacks become opportunities for learning and growth rather than sources of paralyzing fear. Embracing hope empowers us to face adversity head-on, believing that even in the face of failure, there lies a chance to rise stronger and wiser.

Inspiring Others:

Our choices radiate beyond our own lives; they also impact those around us. When we make decisions fueled by hope, we become guides of inspiration for friends, family, and colleagues. Our courage to pursue our dreams in the face of uncertainty becomes a source of encouragement for others to do the same. As we pave the way with our choices, we create a ripple effect of positive change and upliftment.

Unleashing Creative Potential:

Choosing hope over fear can unlock our creative potential in remarkable ways. When we make choices based on our aspirations, we tap into a wellspring of innovation and imagination. Our minds are free to explore new avenues, unburdened by the constraints of anxiety. This creative liberation can lead to solutions and paths we may never have considered otherwise, fostering personal and professional growth.

A Life of Fulfillment:

Ultimately, the choices we make shape the tapestry of our lives. By allowing our hopes to guide us, we set ourselves on a path toward a life filled with purpose and fulfillment. We cast aside the limitations fear imposes and embark on a journey marked by resilience, creativity, and inspiration. In embracing hope, we honor Nelson Mandela's wise words and the potential within ourselves to create a future that mirrors the dreams we hold close to our hearts.

Nelson Mandela's timeless quote serves as a guiding principle for a life well-lived. In a world often overshadowed by fear, choosing hope becomes an act of courage. By aligning our choices with our hopes, we forge a path that leads to personal growth, resilience, and inspiration for others. As we navigate life's crossroads, let us remember that our choices reflect our innermost desires and aspirations. May we all strive to make choices that reflect our hopes and illuminate the path toward a future brimming with possibility.

By Bareiter Counseling Center Staff

Charlotte Therapist explain that IFS Parts Work with Children

Wed, 16 Aug 2023 14:55:11 GMT

IFS Parts Work with Children

“The Internal Family Systems model accesses and heals protective and wounded inner parts. IFS creates inner and outer connectedness by helping people first access their Self and, from that core, to understand and heal their parts.”

Play therapists trained in IFS can utilize “parts work” with children to promote a better understanding of the child’s inner world and increase their Self-trust.

Parts work with children might look different than with adults. Co-regulation is essential, and the more movement, creativity, and visuals involved - - the better!

Some examples of toys and play that can promote parts work are puppets, miniatures, pokemon characters, vehicles, drawings, and instruments. Kiddos might want to identify their emotional parts with a little bit of all of these!

The idea is that all parts are welcome, honored, and able to have a voice. For example, a child with a frustrated part that gets easily triggered is not viewed as frustrated. The play therapist will help the child, and parents, understand this frustrated part better and offer it some release and relief and the ability to share what it needs from trusted adults in their life.

Caroline Racher Turak

Parenting from the Self: The 8 C’s of IFS

Tue, 08 Aug 2023 18:56:35 GMT

Parenting is not for the faint of heart

Parenting is not for the faint of heart, and (unfortunately) it does not come with a pretty and concise protocol or manual.

Parenting is messy and beautiful at the same time; it requires self-reflection, self-trust, vulnerability, flexibility, and repair. The opportunity to parent your child how your inner child wants to be heard, seen, understood, and cared for can be such a gift.

In the Internal Family Systems model by Richard Schwartz, a system of protective and wounded inner parts are in all of us, led by a core Self. The belief is that Self is in everyone, and it knows how to heal. All of our parts are kind of like a family (sometimes dysfunctional and sometimes collaborative) inside of us.

Practicing mindfulness around parenting from the 8 C’s of Self will contribute to your healing while strengthening you and your child’s relationship. Think of it as a “trickle-down effect!”

The 8 C’s in IFS are compassion, curiosity, clarity, creativity, calm, confidence, courage, and connectedness.

Imagine what it would be like to slow down and walk in nature with your child, get lost in a project of paints and art supplies together, sit across from them and take deep breaths. At the same time, if they are upset, provide clear and kind boundaries or have them witness you do something challenging and necessary.

Think about what each “C” means to you and how you can implement more of them daily. Most importantly, thank all your parts and your inner child for helping you get here and do this work.

Caroline Racher Turak

Positive Body Image: Overcoming Society's Expectations.

Wed, 28 Jun 2023 21:58:24 GMT

Charlotte Counseling Center Staff talk about promoting positive body image requires a multi-faceted approach

In today's image-obsessed culture, body image concerns have become pressing issues that affect people of all ages and genders. The influence of media and societal pressures often lead individuals down a very dangerous path of comparison, self-judgment, and unhealthy relationships with food.

Body image is not only based on how we look in the mirror (physical appearance) but is deeply rooted in psychological, emotional, and social factors. It involves how we perceive ourselves, believe others perceive us, and, most importantly, how we feel about our bodies. Understanding this complex relationship can help recognize that self-worth extends beyond physical attributes.

Media platforms are too often bombarding us with idealized representations of beauty. Photoshop images, unrealistic body standards, and celebrity culture contribute to the perpetuation of negative body image. Society, too, reinforces these incredibly harmful messages, attaching success and worth to physical appearance. The constant exposure to these influences can severely impact self-esteem and contribute to developing eating disorders.

Promoting positive body image requires a multi-faceted approach. Education is important, empowering individuals to challenge societal norms and media ideals. By fostering self-acceptance and self-compassion, people can shift their focus toward their inner qualities, talents, and achievements. Encouraging diverse representation in media and celebrating body diversity can also help reshape societal perceptions of beauty .

Counseling and support groups play a crucial role in addressing body image. Mental health professionals can provide a safe space for individuals to explore their feelings, challenge distorted thoughts, and develop coping strategies. Support from peers who have experienced similar struggles can be immensely beneficial in fostering a sense of community and understanding.

Body image issues continue to impact countless lives, driven by media influence and societal pressures. However, by raising awareness, promoting positive body image, and cultivating healthy relationships with food, we can challenge harmful norms and empower individuals to embrace their unique beauty and self-worth. This way, we all can work towards a more compassionate and inclusive society that celebrates diversity and nourishes body and mind.

By Bareiter Counseling Center Staff

The Power of Genuine Forgiveness: Confronting Anger Head-On

Wed, 14 Jun 2023 11:06:33 GMT

Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger
but faces it head-on.

- Alice Miller

In the realm of human emotions, anger often holds a prominent place. It can consume us, cloud our judgment, and leave lasting scars. Acclaimed psychologist Alice Miller stated, "Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on." These powerful words shed light on the transformative power of authentic forgiveness, highlighting the importance of acknowledging and addressing our anger.

Denying or suppressing our anger can have detrimental effects on our well-being. Unresolved anger simmers beneath the surface, feeding negative emotions and breeding resentment. We recognize the importance of confronting it head-on, both for our own sake and for the betterment of our relationships.

Genuine forgiveness trespass is the common misconception that it involves suppressing or denying our anger. Instead, it calls us to recognize and embrace our anger and acknowledge it as an emotion resulting in perceived injustices. True forgiveness does not seek to swipe anger under the rug; instead, it demands that we confront it honestly and courageously. By facing our anger head-on, we can win a deeper understanding of its roots, paving the way for authentic forgiveness that promotes healing and personal growth.

Facing our anger head-on is a challenging step toward genuine forgiveness. It involves acknowledging our pain, identifying the source of our anger, and allowing us to process and express it in healthy ways. It opens the door for dialogue, understanding, and reconciliation.

When we face our anger directly and engage in the path of genuine forgiveness, we pave the way for healing and growth. By confronting our irritability, we release ourselves from its grip and create space for empathy, compassion, and understanding. Genuine forgiveness allows us to transcend the cycle of resentment, offering an opportunity to rebuild damaged relationships and foster personal growth. Through this courageous act, we can transform our pain into wisdom and create a brighter future for ourselves and those around us.

Alice Miller's powerful words help us remember that genuine forgiveness is not about denying or burying our anger but confronting it. By embracing our anger, we set in motion a transformative process that leads to healing, growth, and the restoration of relationships. Remember that genuine forgiveness requires courage, self-reflection, and a willingness to confront our emotions honestly. Through this journey, we can find liberation from the shadows of anger and discover the profound power of forgiveness in our lives.

By Bareiter Counseling Center Staff

Unmasking Your Inner Critic: A Path to Empowerment

Wed, 07 Jun 2023 18:21:15 GMT

Don’t assume your inner critic is what you think it is… It’s a part of you trying to protect you somehow and if you can think of it that way, it isn’t going to have the same level of power over you.

– Richard Schwartz

Our inner critic often takes center stage, dictating our thoughts and influencing our actions. Psychologist Richard Schwartz challenges us to reconsider our perception of this internal voice. Rather than dismissing it as a threat, he suggests that our inner critic is an attempt to protect us. By reframing our understanding of this internal dialogue, we can reclaim our power and reduce its influence on our lives.

When we view our inner critic as a protective mechanism, its power diminishes. Rather than succumbing to its negative narrative, we can detach ourselves from it. Understanding its purpose allows us to question its validity and challenge its assertions. By doing so, we regain control of our thoughts and emotions, empowering us to make more rational and balanced decisions.

Our inner critic, that sometimes not-so-gentle voice inside our heads often bombards us with self-doubt, fear, and negative judgments. However, Richard Schwartz says we should approach this critic with curiosity and compassion. Instead of seeing it as an enemy, we should acknowledge it as a well-intentioned part of ourselves trying to shield us. By recognizing its intentions, we can shift our perspective and begin to understand the underlying fears or insecurities that fuel its presence.

To reduce the influence of our inner critic, it is very important to cultivate self-compassion and self-awareness. When we approach this critical voice with kindness and understanding, we create a safe space for exploration and growth. By recognizing that our inner critic's intentions may be based on past experiences or protective mechanisms, we can start to address the underlying fears or wounds it seeks to shield us from. This process opens up the opportunity for healing and transformation, enabling us to move forward with self-acceptance and confidence.

By Bareiter Counseling Center Staff

Charlotte Therapist Utilizes DBT Skills to Help Reduce Stress and Anxiety in Teens and Adults

Wed, 31 May 2023 16:33:50 GMT

Bareiter Therapist Explains how practicing reality acceptance can help reduce stress, anxiety, and intense emotional reactions.

Everyone experiences difficulties and challenges in their lives. One can choose to respond to these challenges in different ways. There are typically five ways to respond to problems.

• Figure out how to solve the problem.

• Change how you feel about the problem.

• Accept it.

• Stay miserable.

• Make things worse by acting on your impulse.

When you can't solve a problem or change how you feel about it, you can learn to accept it. By not accepting it, you only increase the suffering that you experience. It keeps you in painful emotions such as anger, resentment, bitterness, sadness, and despair. When one rejects reality, it does not change reality.

Anyone can learn how to accept reality radically. Doing so teaches you to accept the things you cannot change completely. Then, you view reality for what it really is, even when you don't like it. Acceptance does not mean giving in or giving up. Instead, it means acknowledging, recognizing, and enduring the situation you are facing.

One way to practice accepting something difficult is to practice turning the Mind . Turning the Mind means that you will have to choose the path toward acceptance over and over again instead of choosing to reject reality. First, you want to notice that when you deny reality, you often feel angry, resentful, bitter, willful, or anxious. Commit to accepting the situation once you see that you are rejecting the truth. Again, you will need to continue to turn your Mind toward acceptance. Accepting a difficult situation does not mean you approve of it, are giving in, or are weak. If anything, acceptance takes courage and strength!

Another way to accept reality is to practice willingness. Willfulness is when someone refuses to tolerate a situation, gives up ultimately, or tries to change a problem they cannot change. When one is willing, they recognize what they can't change about a situation and learn to let go of it. It means being practical and making wise choices with what we have and what we can control. One more helpful way to accept reality is to practice mindful breathing in the moment. With regularity, you will develop a more accepting and willing mindset.

At Bareiter Counseling Center, I work with individuals ages twelve and older and families. DBT Skills can be learned through individual and group therapy. To learn more about DBT and how it can help you, please contact 704-334-0524.

By Melissa Fabeny

Coping with the Loss of a Close Relative: Strengthening Families Through Grief

Thu, 25 May 2023 13:22:48 GMT

Strengthening Families Through Grief

Losing a close relative is an incredibly challenging experience that can profoundly impact a family's emotional well-being and dynamics. In times of grief, families must come together, support one another, and find healthy ways to navigate the healing process. While there is no one-size-fits-all solution for coping with such a profound loss, there are several strategies that families can employ to help them on their journey toward healing and resilience.

Open and Honest Communication:

During loss, communication becomes paramount within the family to encourage open and honest conversations where each family member can express their feelings, fears, and concerns in a warm environment. Create a safe space where everyone feels heard and respected. Always consider and remember that grief affects each individual differently, and allowing each person to share their unique experience can foster understanding and compassion within the family unit.

Rituals and Memorials:

Creating rituals or memorials can be a compelling way to honor the lost relative's memory and provide comfort to the family. For example, consider holding a family gathering or memorial service where everyone can share stories and memories or create a scrapbook of cherished moments. These types of rituals can help family members acknowledge their emotions, support one another, and find solace in the collective remembrance of their loved one.

Seek Professional Support:

Grief can be an overwhelming journey, and it's essential to recognize when additional support is needed. Family therapy or individual counseling sessions provide a safe and confidential space to explore emotions and develop coping strategies. A trained therapist can guide families through the grief process, offering insights, tools, and techniques to help them navigate the complex emotions that arise during this time.

Embrace Self-Care:

During grief, each family member must prioritize self-care. Encourage healthy coping mechanisms such as exercise, proper nutrition, and regular sleep patterns. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and solace can provide temporary respite from the pain. Also, reminding each other to practice self-compassion and allowing moments of rest and rejoicing can help individuals and their families find strength amidst their loss.

Experiencing the loss of a close relative is a tremendous journey. Still, by coming together and implementing some of these strategies, families can strengthen their bonds and find peace in their shared experiences. Each person grieves in their way, so offering support and understanding is paramount. Seeking professional help when needed and embracing self-care will aid in the healing process. Families can honor their loved ones through open communication, rituals, and memories while forging a path toward resilience and hope.

Bareiter Counseling Center Staff

Play Therapist's Ideas for Incorporating Sensory Play at Home

Fri, 10 Mar 2023 17:03:40 GMT

Sensory play is a type of play that provides opportunities for children:

Sensory play is "play that provides opportunities for children to use all their senses, or

opportunities to focus play on encouraging the use of one particular sense". Sensory play

directly aids in sensory processing. Sensory processing is "the ability to receive sensory

information, regulate and manage incoming sensations, and respond within a comfortable range

of arousal."

Many children struggle with sensory processing and responding appropriately to sensory input.

For example, you might notice your child covering their ears, running away from crowds, having

issues with clothing textures, or being easily distracted by visual stimuli. Sensory challenges

include both over-responsiveness and under-responsiveness.

In the playroom, I incorporate playful, sensory-related options to help anxious and dysregulated

kiddos fine-tune their senses, increase comfort and tolerance levels, and feel in charge of

stimuli. Sensory play adds an extra dimension to play! As more organization, integration, and

regulation happen within the body, there is more space for working through emotions.

Here are some fun ways you can introduce sensory play in your own home:

- Wall push-ups, crab walks, bear crawls

- Dance challenges

- Drum beat repeats

- Balloon play

- Obstacle courses

- Mixtures, slime, oobleck

- Sandbox play

- Ball throwing/kicking

- Throwing ice on the ground

- Tree climbing

- Heavy work (carrying grocery bags or pushing vacuum) challenges

Keep in mind that sensory processing disorder occurs on a spectrum, and children can struggle

to process and integrate sensory input in one, some, many, or all of the sensory systems. Early

intervention is important. Registered play therapists often partner with occupational therapists to

provide the most effective support.

Caroline Racher Turak

Charlotte Therapist offers Tips for Understanding Children of Divorce/Remarriage

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 11:00:02 GMT

Stepfamilies stepping stones

No one experiences more loss than the children after divorce or separation. “This truth is difficult for most adults to recognize because they are consumed with their losses. It is human nature to notice our wounds more than someone else’s” (pg. 242). Children (even teenagers) are still maturing and learning coping skills and, therefore, need more help processing their grief than adults (Deal, 2002).

Separation and divorce mean that the children lose control of their lives and contact with their parents, grandparents, and siblings and lose continuity of life regarding their living arrangements and routines. Life in a single-parent family and stepfamily is full of transitions and change. Here are just a few that bring loss to the children:

- Not wanting parents to divorce (even if they know it is for the better due to conflict etc.)

- Not wanting residences to change or move between homes

- A new stepparent or siblings they did not ask for

- Death of the dream of parental reconciliation

- Having to share a room with a sibling or step-sibling or no space of their own

- Loss of role in the family when new people are in the household or households change.

- Loss of familiarity with the school, teachers, neighborhood, friends, activities, and traditions

- Financial pressures/changes

- Change in quality of living

- Changes in rules and expectations

- Loss of closeness and time with biological parents (without step-family)

The most challenging thing children experience is losing time with their biological parents. Even worse, they have to share their parent with a new partner and the new partner’s children and family. It can bring about competition and insecurity for the children, especially if the parents and stepparents do not understand and interpret the child’s behaviors as threatening. The stepparents and parents often describe the children as jealous or manipulative. In all actuality, they are hurting on the inside. “These children have experienced a great deal of loss in the past, which makes them scared of more hurt” (pg 244). As a result, many children fear losing their biological parents to the new family.

Fear is the by-product of loss, and anger is the by-product of fear.What can we do? Here are some helpful stepping stones:

Humility, Listening, and Understanding: Humble ourselves as adults and listen to understand one another. Humbly reflect inward and seek understanding about the complex dynamics of stepfamilies and the hurts of divorce. If families are not open to hearing one another, how can they love and honor one another and gain insight into a family member’s feelings, desires, needs, and goals? (The Smart Stepfamily, Deal, 2002). Understanding is the ability to see or empathize with someone else’s point of view, perspective, and experiences.

Perseverance and Commitment: Perseverance can carry family members through the tough and challenging times of change in all families. “Determination, combined with the decision to persevere, results in a strong commitment to building your family/stepfamily” (Deal, 2002, pg 79).

Patience: Patience is essential, as grieving and blending are slow processes. There are many wounds from divorce. James Bray discovered that stepfamilies begin to think or act like a family at the end of the 2nd or 3rd year. So have patience with one another, and do not give up.

Flexibility: Flexibility is helpful for all family members and allows space and grace. “The rituals, expectations, and assumptions our society trains us to have about family life become our square pegs that, when forced into the round stepfamily hole, just do not fit.” (Deal, 2002, pg 85)

Lastly, Humor: Learning to laugh at ourselves and our circumstances is not about denying problems or responsibilities and can be good medicine in the middle of chaotic or difficult moments (Deal, 2002).

The Smart Step Family by Ron Deal is an excellent resource for tips and learning about stepfamilies. An experienced therapist can also help navigate these complex dynamics of loss and new beginnings.

by Kara Watson-Cuellar

Charlotte Couples Therapist Shares About Effects of Stress on Romantic Relationships

Thu, 05 Jan 2023 13:15:09 GMT

Effects of Stress on Romantic Relationships

Charlotte Couples Therapist Shares About Effects of Stress on Romantic Relationships

Stress is an unavoidable common experience of life and can affect the quality of your romantic relationship. Stress can come from many sources, including job pressures, parenting, financial worries, family illnesses, and family-of-origin problems. Stressors such as these can interfere with how you connect with your partner, especially if, as a result, you become more withdrawn, distracted, and less affectionate or if you project onto your partner by being more easily angered, pessimistic or impatient. Poorly handling stress can create even more stress.

If you recognize that stress is affecting your relationship, here are a few tips you can try to improve things with your partner.

Identify the cause of your stress. Try to make a conscious effort to determine what the stressor is. You can’t deal with it until you have identified it.
Talk with your partner about it. It’s essential that they understand what’s going on. Since a secure romantic relationship provides accessibility, engagement, and responsiveness, sharing with your partner may help you deal with your stress and allow them to think of ways to keep from adding to it. Communicating with our partners keeps them from feeling lonely, builds trust, and shows commitment.
Work together as a team to find creative solutions. Your partner can give you a different point of view, and together you can brainstorm to see if you can come up with ways to alleviate some of your stress or find ways to effectively prevent it from hurting your relationship. Recognize that not every stressor has a solution, but talking about it and sharing your feelings can help you manage it.
Stay connected during a stressful period. Make time to enjoy each other and share positive experiences as a couple. Staying connected and having a supportive partner to see you through stressful times strengthens your relationship. Turning away from your partner or being silent during stressful events can lead to feelings of rejection, which can drive the two of you apart.
Maintain intimacy. Emotional intimacy is essential during stressful times. Being open and honest gives your partner a chance to support you. You might tend to avoid physical intimacy with your partner during stressful times because you are too tired or emotionally drained. However, being physically intimate can help relieve tension and anxiety.
Maintain good self-care. While a good night’s sleep, exercise, and healthy eating won’t make the stressor disappear, you’ll feel better able to cope with the stress.
Participate in relaxing, calming activities. These types of activities can help you deal with your stress better. They include listening to relaxing music, getting out in nature, journaling, yoga, meditating, being creative, and reading. Try something new if your current relaxation methods aren’t working. Better yet, invite your partner to join you in these activities.

Learning to manage stress in healthy and productive ways can help you navigate stressful times and reduce their impact on your relationship.

If you’ve tried to reduce the effects of stress on you and your relationship and nothing has improved, consider that it may be time to seek help from a mental health counselor who is skilled in stress management or a couple’s counselor who can help you and your partner manage the impacts that the stress is having on your relationship.

By Sharon Exum

What is Christian Counseling at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte?

Wed, 14 Dec 2022 14:55:20 GMT

What is Christian Counseling at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte?

You may need clarification on what the term Christian counseling means. You may wonder if it means the counselor will be preachy or judgmental. Does this mean we only reference the Bible to help you?

Christian counseling can mean different things to different people. At Bareiter Counseling, we see our role as professional therapists with a deep Christian faith that is the foundation of our worldview. We see life, struggles, and healing through this lens. If you desire, we can include questions about how your faith or worldview integrates into your life. We are open to having scripture and prayer as part of your sessions.

If you are not religious, have given up on organized religion, or do not identify as Christian in the traditional sense of the word.

We will never impose our Christian perspective on you or your family. In therapy, we love discovering your beliefs and hearing how your worldview can help you grow and heal. We will partner with you with curiosity and compassion.

Have you been judged, excluded, or hurt by other Christians or the church? Many people have been damaged intentionally or unintentionally by organizations or individuals who call themselves Christian.

We are very aware of the many people wounded by Christians or in churches and families. Those who have not dealt with their wounds may end up harming others through spiritual abuse towards you or someone you love. We welcome walking with you through healing from this insidious form of abuse.

Have you been to someone calling themselves a Christian counselor but have come away feeling it was unhelpful or damaging? Are you hesitant to try again - unsure whether or not the counselor holds to a biblical worldview?

We at Bareiter Counseling Center are a community of clinicians who share a historical, Biblical Christian faith. We encourage each other to grow in our walk with the Lord through staff Bible Study, sharing our stories of how God led us into the counseling field and discussing various counseling-related topics. We are committed to providing clients seeking our help a safe space to share their struggles without shame or judgment. We want to be imitators of Christ and show the grace, mercy, and hope that he offers. Our mission is to provide quality care to anyone who seeks our services .

Or, you may feel sure your counselor has a Christian perspective. However, they seemed ill-equipped to handle your concerns.

Each therapist at Bareiter has the training, supervision, and professional credentials to offer the best service possible. We strive for excellence in our work, and to that end, many of our clinicians have post-graduate training in various evidence-based modalities. As licensed clinicians in North Carolina (and some South Carolina), we pursue continuing education and ethics training every year to provide the highest quality of care we can offer

We find it an honor to walk with you on your growth and healing journey. We will bring Christian faith into our work together to your desired degree.

If you think you need help, please visit Bareitercc.com or call 704-334-0524 to make an appointment today.

By Beth AnnBareiter

Charlotte Therapist Discusses How Mindfulness Can Bring You Closer to God

Wed, 07 Dec 2022 14:53:49 GMT

Bareiter Therapist gives practical ways to grow closer to God through mindfulness practice.

Many people struggle to have a relationship with God and feel close to Him. They may go to church regularly, read about God, and try to pray to Him. However, our minds can get distracted in all of these instances, leaving us feeling distant from God. Learning mindfulness can help grow our relationship with God and allow us to feel a deeper connection. Mindfulness teaches us to be fully in the present moment with God so that we can know his love more fully. It can also cultivate a grateful heart, making us calmer and more peaceful.

Beyond deepening our spirituality and bringing us closer to God, mindfulness can also increase our mental well-being by reducing anxiety, stress, and depression. If we are more often focused on the present moment, we are less likely to worry about the future or dwell on the past. Mindfulness can also physically benefit us by calming our nervous system down, which helps our mood.

Mindfulness Techniques that can deepen our relationship with God.

Mindful prayer - We can learn to pray to God more deeply by being fully cognizant of His presence. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says to “pray without ceasing,” essentially being mindful of the present moment and God’s presence.

Start by sitting where it is quiet, and you will likely not get interrupted. It can be helpful to close your eyes. You can say a short prayer, asking God to be with you and for you to be fully present with him. Share with God whatever is on your mind. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Just speak your mind without feeling the need to do so in a certain way. If your mind wanders, bring your attention back to God. You can do this for as long as you desire.

Another way to pray mindfully is to focus on a particular bible passage or quote. After finding a quiet place to sit with little to no distractions, pick one or two bible verses and say them slowly and intentionally. Repeat the verses throughout your practice. If your mind wanders again, gently bring your attention back to the words in the verses. Continue to do this for as long as needed.

Mindfulness of Surroundings in Nature- It is essential to recognize and be mindful of God’s creation. Pick a place to go to where you can experience nature. Notice your surroundings. Be aware of all you see, hear, smell, and touch. It may help to name them to yourself. If your mind begins to wander or get distracted, gently bring your attention back to the present moment and all that surrounds you in nature.

By Melissa Fabeny

Charlotte Relationship Therapist, Shares about Codependency

Tue, 25 Oct 2022 15:29:40 GMT

Isn’t Helping Other People Good?

Codependency is not personality but a behavioral pattern in relationships —an unhealthy interpersonal dynamic . It expresses itself in different ways. A codependent person must be “needed” to have a relationship with others making it challenging to identify feelings, which often leads the person to minimize, alter or deny their feelings. Those with codependency issues value other people’s approval over their own. They may usually accept sex as a substitute for love. Codependent people perceive themselves as being utterly unselfish to the well-being of others. However, they may believe others are incapable of taking care of themselves. As a result, they become resentful when others refuse their offer of help. They tend to give advice and guidance freely without being asked or be generous about giving gifts and doing favors to those they like. They secretly expect the other person to live up to their expectations and cannot listen. A codependent person fixes, protects, rescues, and controls the other in a relationship.

What Should I Do Then?

Find out and learn more about yourself through in-depth soul searching
Set firm boundaries with yourself and other people around you
Balance your and other’s needs: your needs are as important as theirs
Be prepared for criticism of being selfish and feeling guilty about your change
Know that they can take care of themselves: you don’t have to fix them
Trust and let go.

Codependency is complicated. The issues you are experiencing in your relationships may stem from a lack of awareness of your behavior being codependent, which makes the problems even more perplexing. If you think codependency is occurring in your relationships, visit Bareitercc.com or call 704-334-0524 to make an appointment today.

Charlotte Therapist Provides inside tips on “Curiosity Connections”

Wed, 12 Oct 2022 13:15:20 GMT

The power of Curiosity lately

A lot has been written about the power of Curiosity lately, and with good reason. Curiosity offers the ability to overcome anxiety. The more we lean in with Curiosity, the less fear, and anxiety we experience.

Imagine waking alone in the middle of the night to a sound in the house. Most of us would lie wide-eyed and trembling under the covers, waiting to hear the sound again. If we don’t hear it again ten minutes later, we relax. Now imagine instead of being fearful, we are Curious. We grab a flashlight or turn on the lights looking for the source of the sound. A leaking pipe? Is the house settling? We have taken some degree of control of the situation by taking action instead of being frozen by fear.

A scientist isn’t fearful as he examines the results of his experiment. He is Curious. How do the results support his hypothesis or inform future experimentation? In the same way, we can be Curious about things that cause our anxiety. First, examine that unexpected emotion that comes up for you in certain situations with Curiosity. Note how it may feel familiar and when you have experienced it before. This information can be valuable data to regulate or deactivate your emotion. Rather than withdrawing from your partner when they react angrily about something, ask them what happened to trigger their reaction and learn more about it. Again, more valuable data to inform future interactions, perhaps.

Curiosity can offer data that can inform you what to do next. The more you know and understand how you feel, the better you can regulate your feelings. The more power that you feel that you have, the less anxiety you will potentially experience.

by Richard Halliburton

Charlotte Therapist Provides Practical Coping Skills to Help Teenagers Reduce Symptoms of Anxiety

Wed, 05 Oct 2022 15:48:53 GMT

Bareiter Therapist discusses the many factors that trigger stress and anxiety in teenagers, and how utilizing simple coping techniques regularly can help them to feel less anxious and more at ease

Teenagers often experience a great number of stressors on a regular basis that can lead to irritability, anxiety, or even depression. The stress that they experience can eventually take a toll on their bodies, leading to physical complaints such as stomach aches, headaches, or an overall sense of not feeling well. Stress can also lead to behavior changes such as poor eating or sleeping habits. Cognitive changes can occur as well, which may include difficulty focusing and forgetfulness.

There are several factors that can often lead teenagers to feel moderate to high levels of stress and anxiety on a regular basis. These include:

• Academics- Teens often feel pressure to perform at a certain level to please their parents or teachers or to get in to certain colleges.

• Social Stress- Teens can often feel tremendous pressure to fit in to certain social groups. They can experience varying levels of bullying or rejection from their peers. . Further, teens often experience high amounts of peer pressure that can lead them to make unhealthy decisions in order to fit in. While social media can allow teens to feel connected to their peers, it can also exacerbate many of these issues.

• Life Changes- Significant life changes such as moving, changing schools, parental separation or divorce, can all lead to anxiety and higher levels of stress. • Traumatic events- Loss of a loved one, major illness or accidents, physical or emotional abuse are often very distressing events, making it very difficult to cope. • World Events- Teens may worry about events that take place near them, in our country and around the world, such as wars and acts of terrorism, natural disasters, school shootings, and other acts of violence.

Charlotte Therapist offers strategies to help teenagers calm feelings of anxiety and worry.

Identify Emotions, Urges and Thoughts

Our emotions, thoughts and behaviors are all connected and heavily influence one another. For this reason, it can be very helpful to identify them.

• Name the emotion or emotions that you are currently feeling. Rate the intensity of the emotion where 0 is no emotion at all and 10 is feeling the emotion strongly. Sit down and pay attention to the physical sensations that come with this emotion. Do you feel tense or relaxed? What are the sensations in your head, neck, shoulders, back, belly, legs or anywhere else? After mindfully noticing and observing these sensations for a few minutes, write down where you feel the sensations in your body.

• Next, notice any urges that you feel. These include anything that you feel like doing at the moment. These are called action urges, which often come along with emotions because the point of emotions are to get you to do something. Do you feel like yelling at someone or hitting something? Do you feel like running away or avoiding something? Do you feel like hiding away and doing nothing?

• Finally, notice any thoughts that are circling your mind. What are you telling yourself? Are there any particular images that you can identify? An example is, “Why did this have to happen to me? I can’t stand this! Once you have identified your thoughts, write them down.

Noticing and Labeling Your Experience in the Moment

Worry and anxiety are always focused on the future, therefore, they take us out of the present moment. When this occurs, we are not living in the present moment. It can very helpful to practice living in the present moment by noticing and labeling your experience.

Ask yourself these questions to help you get in touch with everything that you are experiencing in the present moment.

Present External Environment:

• What do I see right now?

• What objects do I observe?

• If there are people around, what do they look like? What are they doing? • What do I feel against my skin?

• What I am hearing right now?

• Are the sounds nearby or far away?

Present Internal Environment:

• How do I feel right now?

• What emotions am I having?

• How does my body feel?

• Are my muscles relaxed or tense?

Practice Self-Care to Reduce Your Vulnerability to Stress and Anxiety

• Maintain balanced eating- It is important to maintain healthy eating habits. Eat regularly throughout the day to keep blood glucose levels stable. Eat healthy, whole foods as much as possible, such as fruits and vegetables, whole grains and proteins and limit processed foods.

• Maintain balanced sleep- Sleep fuels the body and helps it to have energy throughout the day. If you are not getting enough sleep, your body will become depleted and you will have fewer resources throughout the day to manage stress.

• Get regular exercise- be active for thirty minutes or more at least five days per week. This could be any form of activity such as running, walking, lifting weights, riding your bike, cleaning your house, or gardening.

• Avoid alcohol and drugs. Both of these can take a toll on your body and can tax your emotional resources.

At Bareiter Counseling Center, I work with individuals, ages twelve and older, and families. I work extensively with those struggling with anxiety. To learn more about how I can help you or your teenager, please contact us.

By Melissa Fabeny

A Registered Play Therapist’s Guide for Parents: Implementing Special Play Time at Home

Wed, 28 Sep 2022 13:59:59 GMT

Implementing Special Play Time at Home

The Association for Play Therapy defines play therapy as “the systematic use of a theoretical model to establish an interpersonal process wherein trained Play Therapists use the therapeutic powers of play to help clients prevent or resolve psychosocial difficulties and achieve optimal growth and development.”

Working with a Registered Play Therapist is typically the most beneficial and effective way to implement emotional growth within a family. However, we understand that committing to consistent sessions and finding time to get to appointments can be challenging. Keep reading for some ways to practice “special play time” with your child at home.

In some models of play therapy, it is taught that the “most important toy” in the playroom is the therapist, meaning a relationship alone has the power to heal. Therefore, your ongoing relationship, through play, with your child can be equally significant - if not more so!

Special playtime is a time for you to understand your child’s inner world better, build increased connections, encourage, and practice reflection. Special playtime does not have to be lengthy, though it should be consistent and something your child can count on and look forward to! This one-on-one time “fills your child’s bucket” and will bring you increased joy, compassion, and curiosity toward your child.

● Prepare your child with language explaining your commitment to starting something new with them called “special play time.” Aim for about 20-30 minutes of uninterrupted time. I encourage you to silence your phone and set aside “to-do’s” for this important time.

● Special play time works best when your child is given the ability to lead the play and be the boss; for 20-30 minutes, you get to take a break from your “manager” roles.

● Ask your child for clarification of what to do, what character to play, how to respond, etc.

● Meet your child in their energy! If dramatic play is what they need, be dramatic; if wild excitement is their vibe, match it!

● It is okay to set boundaries during special playtime to keep everyone safe. (See blog on ACT Limit Setting for support). Practice gentle and direct communication, so your child still feels connection and engagement from you.

● Let your child know when there are 3-5 minutes left of special playtime; if your child whines or is angry upon ending, reflect on how the time together felt special and fun to you both, and it will happen again.

Your child likely needs scheduled special play time if you notice increased attention-seeking behaviors or outbursts. Your child likely needs scheduled special play time if you notice withdrawn or anxious symptoms. There is no downside to planning extra connection and fun with your child. If you have questions about this or want to work with an RPT, please call Bareiter Counseling Center .

By Caroline Racher Turak

Bareiter counseling therapists shares connection between self-esteem and symptoms of anxiety, depression, and hostility

Wed, 21 Sep 2022 15:35:12 GMT

Charlotte Counselor talks about self-esteem and happiness.

Why Self Esteem? “Self-esteem is not the only determinant of happiness. Certainly, it is one of the most important” (Schiraldi, 2001).

Self-esteem can contribute to better mental health and physical health while self-dislike can lead to increased anxiety, depression, addictions, unhappy relationships, poor performance and other undesired or maladaptive (dysfunctional/non-productive) behaviors. “No wonder self-dislike is called the invisible handicap.” (Schiraldi, 2001).

In 1992 Gallup survey, 89 percent of respondents said that self-esteem is very important in motivating a person to work and to succeed, as well as engage in increased healthy behaviors. Those with higher sense of self-esteem tend to be more-friendly, less discouraged with criticism or internal issues, more active, more trusting of self and others, and more proactive and open to help when distressed (Schiraldi, 2001).

How would someone rate their self-esteem? Take a Self Esteem Check-up.

First rate from 0-10 how much you believe each of the following statements. 0 means you completely disbelieve it. 10 means you think it is completely true:

I am a worth-while person.

I am as valuable as a person as anyone else.

I have the qualities I need to live well.

When I look into my eyes in the mirror I have a pleasant feeling

I don’t feel like an overall failure.

I can laugh at myself.

I am happy to be me.

I like myself.

Next, Rate your self-esteem on the following scales: 0 (total lack of self-esteem) 100 (total fullness of self esteem)

How often do you feel restricted in your daily activities because of difficulties with self-esteem?

Always
Often
Sometimes
Rarely
Never

How serious is your problem with self-esteem?

No problem

2. Mild Problem

3. Moderate Problem

4. Severe Problem

5. Estremely Severe

6. Totally incapacitating

Concerned about your answers or would like to know more? There’s help.

Going deeper: Therapy for building self-esteem in Charlotte

Everyone generally has a some kind of self-esteem to build upon. Building or raising self-esteem can reduce symptoms of anxiety depression and hostility among adults. (Schiraldi & Brown, 2001, 2000). Furthermore, these principles and skills associated with building self-esteem can also be helpful for adolescents and children (Schiraldi & Brown, 2001, 2000).

Therapy can be a helpful way to explore your self-esteem and learn more about yourself and how to build your own self-esteem. Learning how to apply principles and skills to build your self-esteem, in a safe setting, can be a worthwhile and lasting investment.

I have worked with many adults and adolescents struggling with self-esteem along with symptoms of anxiety and depression; I would be honored to do deeper with you to explore and assist in this journey towards health and happiness. Visit www.bareitercc.com to learn more or call 704-334-0524 to make an appointment today.

Contact Bareiter Counseling Center to assess your relational health and connection.

by Kara Watsom - Cuellar

Bareiter Counseling Therapists for families and children share helpful insights into complex family dynamics after divorce, separation, or remarriage.

Wed, 14 Sep 2022 15:20:27 GMT

How can parents help their families?

Are you single, divorced, separated, or widowed with children? Considering marriage or dating comes with many challenges. A stepfamily consists of biological and non-biological members. The family can be dating, living together, or married and have different levels of shared family time.

There are many different types of stepfamily scenarios that are complex. First, it is essential to understand that a stepfamily does not follow the blueprint of a nuclear family (biological family). In a stepfamily or blended family, it begins with the children, who dramatically impact the new relationship/marriage. Biological families have their relationship to fall back on when difficulties arise, which predates the children. In a stepfamily/blended family, the child-parent relationships predate the couple’s relationship, which can cause various parenting issues between biological parents and step-parents. Therefore, it is tough to strengthen the relationship or marriage when parenting issues constantly push marital/relationship closeness (Ron Deal, The Smart Stepfamily , 2002).

Additionally, the strain between different family systems with biological vs. non-biological parents can even contribute to parents pushing biological children away for the sake of the new relationship/family. This feeling of insiders (birth family) vs. outsiders (step family) can lead to anger, resentment, rejection, and guilt which can drain energy from people’s emotional tanks. Deal states, “while losses too numerous to count (especially for the children) make for cautious emotional investments” with many of the family members (biological and non-biological). (Deal, The Smart Stepfamily , 2002).

How can parents help their families?

Displaying qualities like “effective communication, the ability to resolve conflict well, a relationship style that is flexible and adaptable, enjoying leisure activities together” is a start (Deal, The Smart Stepfamily , 2002, p. 30-31). How well partners care for each other and handle their former partner impacts the relational development of the children. Critical Stepping-Stones in navigating these family changes display integrity, gentleness, listening, understanding, perseverance, commitment, patience, flexibility, and humor (Deal, 2022).

Going deeper: Therapy for understanding strong mixed emotions and complex family dynamics after separation.

It is important to note that many children initially do not welcome their parents’ new relationship or marriage and even fight efforts that family members make to join the family (Deal, The Smart Stepfamily, 2002). It is essential to understand that this is normal for children to have these emotions. They had no choice in separation, moving, divorce, or remarriage. (Deal, 2002). It is also normal for children to be angry with one or both parents due to a divorce or separation. Additionally, remember that building a bond with a teenager is ‘slow going’ because they gradually move away from the family towards more independence (Deal, 2002).

Separation and divorce are painful and challenging to navigate alone or without support. Therapy for parents, step-parents, and children is a way to explore and process complex family dynamics. For example, a therapist can help the family increase understanding and empathy for one another and strengthen relationships. In addition, author Ron Deal educates stepfamilies about complex family dynamics and provides tools to navigate the healing process.

Visit www.bareitercc.com to learn more, or call 704-334-0524 to make an appointment today.

By Kara Watson-Cuellar

How to Process Hurtful Incidents in Marriage shared by Charlotte Couples Therapist

Wed, 07 Sep 2022 14:27:23 GMT

Charlotte Couples Therapist Shares about How to Process Hurtful Incidents in Marriage

Processing Hurtful Incidents

Well, that happened in the past—a long time ago. I wish I could just move on, but why can’t I? You may have experienced feeling stuck when negative emotions from old hurts lurk in your marriage and create tension in your relationship with your loved one. Processing is to talk about the incident with some established procedure, which helps you better understand each other’s reality and perception of that incident. Processing enables you and your partner to revisit where the emotional injury occurred, look at it from a different perspective, and discover the true meaning of the incident for both of you. This often leads you to a greater understanding of your partner and yourself.

5 Steps in Processing the Incident

Share how you felt. Don’t say why you felt that way or comment on your partner’s feelings, such as, “You shouldn’t feel that way because….”
Describe your reality. Summarize and validate your partner’s experience.
Share your experiences or memories that might have contributed to an escalation in your negative interactions with each other.
Acknowledge the part that you played in the hurtful incident.
Share and ask what one thing your partner can do differently to avoid such incidents.

Living with tension from unresolved conflicts can quickly wear us down inside. How we process these incidents, and their emotions may bring freedom and help us move on to better relationship patterns. If this is your story, visit Bareitercc.com to learn more, or call 704-334-0524 to make an appointment today.

Reference

Gottman, J., & J. (2016). Gottman method couples therapy . Seattle, WA: The Gottman Institute.

By JoonAh Nesbitt

Adult Children of Disengaged Parents - As Observed by a Bareiter Therapist

Wed, 24 Aug 2022 12:03:09 GMT

Work with a Bareiter Therapist to Heal the wounds of Disconnection and Unhealthy Attachment Styles.

As I work with clients struggling in relationships - whether being relationally avoidant or struggling to connect on a deeper level with those in their lives, I have begun to see a pattern in their stories. As I get a detailed family history and ask questions about relationships and how their vulnerability was dealt with growing up - more and more people share about feeling unseen, unimportant, misunderstood, or not emotionally connected within their families.

This disconnection takes many forms - parents working so much that they are not around or available; parents distracted or burying their trauma; emotionally struggling; addictive behavior; marital tension, among other issues. These issues may be an epigenetic form of relational trauma passed down through the generations.

In addition, we live in a culture of distraction and numbing through our devices. We are increasingly disengaged, lacking eye contact and real social interaction. This has a subtle and devastating effect on our sense of community and connectedness.

Clients lacking healthy and secure attachments to their primary caretakers are left as children to figure life out independently. This lack of attachment often breeds an inability to form healthy adult love relationships - repeating the pattern of distracted or disengaged parenting or extreme codependency. We also see other symptoms such as addictive behavior, self-medication, and lack of connection within and without.

It is possible to heal and stop this cycle of wounding in your family and friendships.

Work with a Bareiter Therapist to Heal the wounds of Disconnection and Unhealthy Attachment Styles.

Whether the modality is Internal Family Systems (IFS), Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Experiential Therapy, Individual, Couple, or Group Intensive Intensives - your early relational wounds can be healed. The most significant factor in healing is the relationship between client and therapist. You can heal and learn to foster healthy adult attachments.

Acknowledging your struggles and moving courageously towards addressing them will considerably impact your life and generations in your family - you can leave a legacy of healthy attachment and connection.

Contact Bareiter Counseling Center to assess your relational health and connection.

by Carol Hollandsworth

Deepen Your Healing through Intensive Therapy at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte

Wed, 03 Aug 2022 12:49:15 GMT

New Title

Are you feeling stuck in your growth or healing? Do you ever feel frustrated with the 50-minute therapy session - feeling like you were just getting somewhere and it’s time to end? Perhaps the places you need to go in therapy feel too deep or too complex to open up in a therapy session squeezed into your workday or busy life. Pausing to go deeper through an intensive therapy session may be the right direction for you. Research shows that doing therapy for a more extended time can lead to long-term benefits and propel your healing journey.

What is an Intensive? Who is it For?

We offer individual or couples intensives that last several hours or days if desired. Part of the power of an intensive session is that you are not constrained to a 50-minute session. This freedom allows for more fluid therapy led by your needs - we can go to deep and difficult places. The intensive session will be tailored to your needs as an individual or couple.

We would meet for an intake session that may last 1-2 hours to determine if this modality is a good fit for you and learn what you want to accomplish through an intensive. Then your Charlotte Bareiter therapist will customize your sessions based on the goals and needs that you bring.

Another benefit is that this allows those of you who want to come in from other areas of the country for focused and intensive therapy.

Even if you live in Charlotte, taking time out of your work and home life to dive into a day of focused and intense therapy will have a more profound and long-lasting impact on your healing.

Bareiter Counseling Center of Charlotte will be offering Group Intensives Fall of 2022

Several Bareiter clinicians are trained in group psychotherapy utilizing Experiential Therapy, Psychodrama, and Internal Family Systems Therapy. In addition, we will be setting up intensive meetings for small groups of individuals. This modality offers a powerful option for trauma healing, personal growth, and walking with others who prioritize their healing and growth.

Contact Bareiter Counseling Center to set up an individual or couples intensive!

by Carol Hollandsworth

Charlotte Couples Therapist Shares About Couples Communications

Wed, 13 Jul 2022 10:00:00 GMT

When communicating with the one you love seems impossible

People who come to me for couples counseling often describe the problem that brings them to therapy, in part if not all, as “we just can’t communicate!”

Our attachment style influences how we relate to our partners and how we handle communication with them. Attachment styles are a result of early attachment-based interactions with our primary caregivers. They are also affected by our temperament, personality, and the social support we have experienced.

Attachment style informs many aspects of our lives, including how we view ourselves and how much we trust others to show up for us and meet our needs. Therefore, our attachment style influences how we communicate with our partners in respect to how hesitant, confident, or guarded we may be in expressing our needs and what we expect from them. Simply recognizing our attachment style and that of our partner can help us understand how we perceive one another’s actions and communicate the way we do.

Attachment style can be either secure or insecure. Having a secure attachment style doesn’t mean you’re perfect or you don’t experience relationship problems. However, a person with a secure attachment style likely feels safe enough to take responsibility for their mistakes and failings and seeks healthy ways to manage conflict. In terms of insecure attachment styles, the two main types are anxious and avoidant .

The anxious attachment style

People with anxious attachment styles often worry about their feelings being a burden. Their most significant vulnerabilities or fears are separation, being alone, or abandonment. They tend to need to talk things out when upset and quickly jump to conclusions about their relationships. In times of distress in the relationship, people with an anxious attachment style might perceive their partner as selfish or self-centered and feel stuck in a one-sided relationship in which their needs are not being taken care of in the way they are taking care of their partner’s. As a result, they often go to great lengths to ensure their partner is aware of their emotional needs not being met by being overly critical.

If your partner has an anxious attachment style, it might be helpful for you to:

Make eye contact and use body language that conveys that you are attentive, engaged, and responsive during a conversation with them.
Show interest and curiosity about what your partner is saying.
Give your partner a chance to talk about their feelings.
Offer your partner reassurance both spontaneously and when prompted.
Share things about you and your feelings. Not knowing how you feel or where things stand is very unsettling for a partner with an anxious attachment style.

The avoidant attachment style

Partners with an avoidant attachment style often think they cannot give what their partners want from them, such as physical affection, closeness, or emotional intimacy. When upset, avoidant partners need alone time to calm down; they tend to unconsciously pull away or be defensive in times of relational distress. They often reject their partner’s attempts to talk about the issue and attribute the relationship distress to their partner or external circumstances. They also tend to avoid conflict at all costs and do not communicate their wants and needs.

If your partner has an avoidant attachment style, it might be helpful for you to:

Listen more and talk less. You want the conversation to be a dialogue and not a monologue; if you find yourself in a monologue, you have already lost your partner in the conversation.
Give your partner time to process their feelings and thoughts.
Don’t be intrusive with your questions or insist that your partner needs to share with you how they are feeling right then and there. Instead, let them know they can reach out to you when they are ready to talk.
Put your feelings aside in the moment and lead the conversation with more vulnerable and softer feelings to encourage your partner to open up. Starting a conversation with anger, criticism, and blame is very counterproductive.
Don’t blindside your partner with several unresolved issues you have been holding onto. Instead, bring up one problem at a time and resolve that issue before moving on to the next one.

Understanding attachment styles and how they shape and influence your romantic relationship can help you make sense of your behavior, your partner’s behavior, and some of the communication struggles you may face as a couple.

If you recognize an insecure attachment style in either yourself or your partner, it’s essential to know that although attachment styles tend to be consistent, they are not fixed. Therefore, it is possible to make adjustments and develop a more secure attachment style as an adult. Toward that end, therapy can be invaluable, whether working with your partner in couples counseling or one-on-one with an individual therapist.

By Sharon Exum

MA, LMFT, LCMHC (NC), LPC (SC)

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor (NC)

Licensed Professional Counselor (SC)

Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist

Certified Clinical Telemental Health Provider

Certified Prepare/Enrich Facilitator

National Certified Counselor

sharon@bareitercc.com

704-334-0524

Befriending Your Body and the Food that You Eat - A Bareiter IFS Therapist Explores the Challenges with Living Authentically in your Body

Wed, 29 Jun 2022 13:08:08 GMT

Dealing with Each Side of Food and Body Issues can be helped through Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy.

Are you impacted by a barrage of messages that you aren’t small, thin, muscular, or flawless? These messages usually come from within our family and the larger culture. For example, we may be triggered by images online, social media posts, or family messages about the body. Unfortunately, the emergence of selfies and social media has worsened our body image obsession.

The flip side of this same coin may be disordered relationships with food - addictive behavior, stress eating, and the attachments of food to comfort, reward, socializing, or childhood memories. Food insecurity or family attitudes towards food and nourishment are quickly passed down, and we unconsciously operate from these perspectives.

Complicating it further is the polarization between craving and shaming.

Dealing with Each Side of Food and Body Issues can be helped through Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy.

At Bareiter Counseling Center, our IFS therapists can help you explore your body image. Many struggle with shaming and judging themselves. Using IFS, befriending these parts is vital to change. This depth-oriented and evidence-based therapy will help you understand the root of these parts and why they are so harsh. Underneath, there are wounded parts that need healing.

These food and body parts generally are protective - meaning they serve a purpose and work to keep emotions, pain, or wounds buried.

Understanding that we are connected - body, soul, and spirit, it is essential to embrace and love our bodies. IFS is a gentle way to befriend the parts related to body image and befriend the body we were given at birth. We just have one pass through life with this body, and treating it with respect and gratitude will go a long way towards healing.

Moving towards this attitude about our bodies leads to living more embodied - being attuned to what it needs. We can then pay more attention to the impact of nourishing food.

In addition, with IFS therapy, parts with unhealthy relationships with food may also be healed and transformed. For example, befriending parts that crave certain foods or at certain times may also uncover trauma wounds from childhood. Living authentically from the true self in relationship to food, we can live more gratefully and find we make healthier choices - food becomes life-giving nourishment rather than a medication, numbing agent, or something ‘evil’ to restrict.

Contact Bareiter Counseling Center to delve deeper into the parts you have related to food and your body

By Carol Hollandsworth

Charlotte Therapist Utilizes Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills to Reduce Symptoms of Anxiety and Stress in Teens and Adults

Wed, 22 Jun 2022 13:49:40 GMT

Bareiter Therapist explains how regular practice of DBT skills can help manage overwhelming emotions healthily, decreasing overall stress and anxiety.

With everyday stressors and more significant stressful events that can occur in our lives, it can be easy to become emotionally overwhelmed and have difficulty regulating painful or intense emotions, such as fear, sadness, or anger. Ineffective coping strategies can lead to poor mental and physical health and unhealthy relationships. DBT skills can help us learn how to regulate our emotions healthily to benefit mentally, physically, and relationally.

What is DBT, and where does it come from?

Marsha Linehan developed dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) in the 1970s after working extensively with clients who self-harmed or attempted suicide. She utilized cognitive behavior therapy and more humanistic approaches for many years, with little to no success. Eventually, she developed DBT, which uses a combination of CBT, humanistic approaches, dialectics, and mindfulness, which have proven to help an array of mental health issues, including suicidal ideation and self-harm, addiction, eating disorders, borderline personality disorder, and anxiety and depression. Humanistic approaches are very supportive and reflective, offering extensive validation. Dialectics involves the synthesis of opposites through understanding varying contexts and seeking a workable balance, which leads to change. Mindfulness consists in using a non-judgmental and accepting stance toward our emotions.

DBT has four core components that are utilized:

Mindfulness Skills teach: awareness, how to direct your mental processes, how to be in the present moment, how to be responsive to behavior, increased emotion regulation and decreased (ineffective) mood-congruent behaviors, and improved connection to experience, enjoyment, and peace, as well as increased tolerance of what is uncomfortable or even painful
Distress Tolerance Skills teach the ability to tolerate painful emotion, distraction without avoiding action instead of reaction, and managing crisis without making it worse.
Emotion Regulation teaches how emotions work, how to reduce emotional vulnerability, create positive emotions, step out of ineffective mood-congruent behaviors, and develop and maintain emotional balance.
Interpersonal Effectiveness teaches how to build self-respect, make and maintain relationships, meet wants and needs, set effective boundaries, and say no when necessary.

Bareiter Therapist provides DBT Strategies to Effectively Lower Anxiety and Stress.

Observe Your Thoughts-

Sit comfortably, or lie down on your back. If you are sitting, keep your back straight, but release the tension in your shoulders and let them drop. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing, noticing how your body feels as you slowly breathe in and out. Become completely immersed in the experience and imagine you are riding the waves of your breath. Now move your attention to your thoughts, becoming aware of any that enter your mind. Try to see them as thoughts – mere events happening in your mind. If it helps, you can imagine them as clouds passing along or leaves floating down a stream. Notice the thoughts enter your consciousness, but then let them disappear on their own – no need to hold onto them. If you are becoming sidetracked by an idea, just notice what distracted you from observing your thoughts, and then gently bring yourself back to observing. After a few minutes, you should shift your attention back to your breathing and open your eyes when ready.

Self-Soothing Through Your Senses-

Sight - Go for a walk in nature. Mindfully notice the views in front of you, one at a time. Notice the colors, shapes, and sizes of each sight that comes into your awareness.

Hearing - Listening to calming music can be very soothing. You can find some fantastic relaxing videos online.

Touch - Take a warm bath or shower, which can help to relax your muscles and any tension that may be present.

Smell - Create pleasant aromas using an essential oil diffuser, scented candle, or incense. Also, try using scented hand lotion.

Taste - Choose a food or drink you enjoy and spend time eating or drinking it mindfully, focusing on its taste.

At Bareiter Counseling Center, we work with individuals, adolescents, and families. DBT skills can be learned through individual and group therapy. To learn more about DBT and how it can help you, please contact 704-334-0524.

By Melissa Fabeny MA, LCMHC

Charlotte’s Certified Perinatal Mental Health Therapist can help with this Underdiagnosed Problem of mental health during pregnancy and postpartum

Wed, 15 Jun 2022 13:50:12 GMT

Therapist can help with this Underdiagnosed Problem of mental health during pregnancy and postpartum

The perinatal period is the timeframe that spans pregnancy and postpartum through the first year of a child’s life. People in this stage of life have an increased risk of developing mental health concerns. It is estimated that 1 in 5-7 mothers experience perinatal depression. This means that depression is the most prevalent complication of pregnancy and postpartum, yet it is the most underdiagnosed and undertreated. Without treatment, mental health concerns such as depression or anxiety can have effects on relationships with one’s partner or baby, infant development, and self-esteem and identity development as a parent. So, where do we go from here?

Charlotte Therapist’s Call to Hope

Yes, parenthood is not easy, but there is much beauty and joy to be experienced in the season of pregnancy and postpartum. There is nothing wrong with a parent who has difficulty experiencing this beauty and joy… remember, we just discussed above truly how prevalent perinatal depression is! There is hope for treating mental health problems with mental health answers–benefits can be found in individual therapy, couples therapy, support groups, and medication for some individuals. Know that you are not alone and that there is hope for experiencing enjoyment in parenting.

To learn more

The therapeutic space provides an environment to process life transitions and uncomfortable feelings without shame. If you find yourself in this period of life, overwhelmed with anxiety, depression, rage, or obsessive thinking and would like to explore more, visit https://www.bareitercc.com or call (704) 334-0524 to learn more about our options for individual therapy.

By Katie Wagoner MS, LCMHCA, PMH-C

Charlotte Counselor talks about self-esteem and happiness.

Wed, 08 Jun 2022 16:35:00 GMT

Bareiter counseling therapists shares connection between self-esteem and symptoms of anxiety, depression, and hostility.

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Charlotte Therapist shares how understanding what “Lies and Truths” are will help you overcome many things

Wed, 01 Jun 2022 15:54:21 GMT

"Lies and Truths"

When we are passed by for a promotion at work or when a close friend does not reply to our text, sometimes we may feel like we have taken a blow. Maybe we begin to wonder what is wrong with us. Where do we fall short when it seems like everyone is prettier, more popular, and more successful? Thoughts such as these tend to pile up, especially if we take several of these blows in a relatively short time. This can lead to feelings of depression and the awful conclusion that "I'm just no good."

Henri J.M. Nouwen addressed this in his book “The Life of the Beloved.” He sometimes said to himself; I am nothing special, just one person among millions of others; my needs are not more special than anyone else's. There are times when we may feel worthless. These may come from various sources, whether perceived slights or our parents telling us this. These words are LIES.

Nouwen suggests that when we feel worthless, we say to ourselves, "These feelings, strong as they may be, are not telling me the truth about myself. Even though I cannot feel it right now, I am a chosen child of God, precious in God's eyes, called the Beloved from all eternity, and held safe in an everlasting embrace."

If the Creator of the universe and everything in it thinks that you are a special person and loves you deeply, how much does it matter what the world thinks? Spend some time with this thought the next time you feel worthless.

by Richard Halliburto n

Charlotte Therapist shares how understanding underlying cues in couple relationships can help your relationship

Wed, 27 Apr 2022 13:46:17 GMT

How understanding underlying cues in couple relationships can help your relationship

Communication is often one of the main goals couples bring into counseling. In relationships, it is critical to communicate needs with one another to maintain a healthier connection, yet so often, this somewhat simple concept is much more challenging to put into practice, especially when the content of the conversation is only a piece of the interaction. When emotions are high, messages can be lost in translation, needs are communicated as threats, and partners may begin to feel misunderstood and stuck. Couples send signals or cues to one another in every interaction that indicates a level of emotional safety- this goes far beyond what is verbally communicated. For example, a partner can feel the warmth and love of the other in their smile, a warm hug, or an accepting tone.

On the other hand, one partner may feel anxious when they hear the other’s tone get louder, or the other become frustrated when their partner starts getting short. Sometimes even a particular look of anger can signal danger to the other partner. Society has even gone as far as to incorporate these signals into digital messages. For example, one can interpret their partner’s tone by using punctuation, or capital letters can be understood as upping the intensity. Cues are saturated in our communication yet often go unidentified when they affect us significantly. Here are a few ways to grow awareness of cues in your relationship:

Identify three cues that draw you closer to your partner
Identify three cues that signal danger from your partner
Share these cues with your partner and how they affect you.

Ex: When you smiled at me when I walked through the door, I felt loved.

Ex: When you go silent in arguments, I feel alone.

When we begin to label and share the cues that have been sending signals all along, we start building understanding and fostering connection.

Hannah Tomlinson

Deepen Your Healing through Intensive Therapy at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte

Wed, 20 Apr 2022 11:00:03 GMT

What is an Intensive? Who is it For?

We offer individual or couples intensives that last several hours or several days if desired. Part of the power of an intensive session is that you are not constrained to a 50-minute session. This freedom allows for more fluid therapy led by your needs - we can go to deep and difficult places. The intensive session will be tailored to your needs as an individual or couple.

Another benefit is that this allows those of you who want to come in from other areas of the country for focused and intensive therapy.

Even if you live in Charlotte, taking time out of your work and home life to dive into a day of focused and intense therapy will have a more profound and long-lasting impact on your healing.

Bareiter Counseling Center of Charlotte will be offering Group Intensives Fall of 2023

Contact Bareiter Counseling Center to set up an individual or couples intensive!

Carol Hollandsworth

Clinicians - Transform your Practice with Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

Wed, 23 Mar 2022 13:25:06 GMT

What is Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS)?

Do you feel you are in a rut in your work with clients? Or perhaps you want to add to your therapeutic toolbox. You may be at a place in your practice where you want to deepen your work with clients in a way that gets to the roots of their struggles and provide a path towards profound healing.

What is Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS)?

IFS is an evidence-based, profoundly transformative therapy for issues from depression, anxiety, and life transitions to complex trauma and PTSD. IFS is a non-pathologizing, emerging model of therapy that helps clients learn about themselves and their stories through befriending parts of themselves. The beautiful transformation is how clients’ true, authentic selves emerge as they work with and heal parts of themselves born out of pain or trauma.

Bareiter Counseling Center teaches Internal Family Systems (IFS) in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Many of our clinicians are trained and/or are certified in Internal Family Systems (IFS). We are passionate about healing from this depth-oriented, experiential and powerful form of therapy. While the IFS Institute offers the gold standard, official training, you may want to attend one of our introductory IFS workshops in order to get a feel for the model and some of the basics. In addition, we will be offering workshops on applying IFS to addiction, trauma, working with couples therapy, and group therapy.

Bareiter Counseling Center is passionate about Applying a Christian Worldview with IFS for those who want this Integration.

We will be offering a workshop on a Christian integration with IFS. Bareiter IFS counselors provide this mode of therapy without changing the IFS model and without taking away from a historic and biblical Christian worldview. The beauty of IFS is in the ability to fold in whatever religious orientation you have.

Deepen your IFS work through Group Supervision or Individual Consultation

Bareiter Counseling Center offers IFS group supervision to deepen your knowledge and skills in IFS as well as teaching, experiential exercises, case consultation in-person or virtually. In addition, there are introductory and advanced groups available.

If you prefer, individual consultation is available and can count towards IFS certification, if you have completed the IFS Institute Level I training.

Contact Bareiter Counseling Center to be added to the interest lists for any of our workshops or groups!!

For more information, email Carol Hollandsworth: carol@bareitercc.com.

Carol Hollandsworth

Co-Regulation Ideas from Charlotte Play Therapist

Wed, 16 Mar 2022 13:30:18 GMT

Co-Regulation Ideas from Charlotte Play Therapist

Emotional regulation refers to how one handles, processes, or connects with their feelings. Healthy emotional regulation is a practice and often requires a set of fine-tuned skills. Keep reading for some simple and effective strategies for finding and sharing calm through co-regulation with your kiddo.

Emotional co-regulation is an interactive process of “big feeling” support between caretaker and child. You might think of co-regulation as an energy wave or invisible string between nervous systems. As the adult in the dynamic connects to their emotions, their tone of voice is steady and soothing, their body language is calm and confident, their breath is balanced, and their presence is palpable. As an adult finds their connection to feelings, the child is invited to experience and tap into that peace.

Co-regulation with your child can be practiced and strengthened in various ways. For example, we want to help our kiddos slow down and tune into their emotions rather than avoid them or erupt with them.

-You can notice your surroundings with the 5 senses together

-You can use gentle hand squeezing or a bear hug if your child is comfortable with physical touch

-You can do a balloon pass or balancing game together

-You can model deep breathing

-You can use aromatherapy or listen to soft music together

-You can use sensory toys like pop-its or flip sequin pillows together

-You can initiate movement or outside time together

-You can name the emotions out loud, draw them together, or point to them using a feeling chart

Your presence is most important, and most of your focus should be on how you are being rather than what you are doing.

It might be time to strengthen your co-regulation skills if you notice the following signs in your child:

-Withdrawing

-Perfectionism

-Excessive crying

-Frequent worries, outbursts, fears

-Emotional responses that consistently do not seem to match the situation

You can call Bareiter Counseling Center and inquire about working with a registered play therapist for additional support.

By Caroline Racher Turak

Difficulty of Relationships and Loneliness a discussion by Chalotte Therapist

Wed, 09 Mar 2022 13:28:14 GMT

Charlotte Therapist’s Ideas for Strengthening Connection with Others

We live in an era where we are so interconnected. The prevalence of social media, texting, and digital communication makes it easy to keep in touch with each other. Even with the variety of ways to communicate, the heightened sense of loneliness has become a universal concern, not just with teenagers but with many adults. Human beings are relational creatures designed to be in friendship and community with one another. So what are we missing being so immersed in the digital world? Relationships through screens give us the allusion of connectedness but often leave us feeling short-changed.

Let’s get back to the basics in our friendships. First, prioritize connection with others where you can engage through your senses. Next, find ways to connect with others to see and hear them face to face. The embrace of a friend allows us to feel more connected. A shared experience will enable us to feel more connected. Challenge yourself to put away distractions and let yourself be present in your conversations with others. Remember to give yourself grace as you work to engage more mindfully with others. Being mindfully present will enable us to understand better how we are created to connect. It can be hard to slow down and be present with one another as the ease of connecting through social media has become the norm.

To learn more

The therapeutic space provides an environment to practice this relational presence. If you are experiencing loneliness or difficulty in relationships and would like to explore more call (704) 334-0524 to learn more about our options for individual therapy.

By Katie Wagoner MS, LCMHCA

The Window of Tolerance described by Charlotte Therapist

Wed, 02 Mar 2022 14:31:46 GMT

The Window of Tolerance described by Charlotte Therapist

Do you find yourself overreacting to minor irritants? Would others call you short-tempered, restless, or highly anxious? Or perhaps they might call you disconnected, apathetic, or unmotivated. Would you describe yourself as overwhelmed or exhausted?

It could be helpful for you to learn more about your window of tolerance.

The window of tolerance is a tool created by Daniel Siegel which identifies the optimal zone of arousal. If you are in your window of tolerance, you can handle the ups and downs of life while continuing to think and feel clearly. Often we become frustrated or ashamed when we react disproportionately or shut down. When you are not in your window of tolerance, it is almost impossible NOT to overreact or underreact, making it challenging to have healthy relationships.

Childhood experiences, social support, healthy coping skills can impact the size of someone’s window of tolerance. For example, past trauma can often narrow the window of tolerance. Fortunately, it is possible to expand our window of tolerance and grow our resilience through healthy coping skills and increased awareness.

As trauma therapists, We at Bareiter Counseling Center can help you become more curious about what takes you out of your window of tolerance. We help you identify when you are getting close to the edge of your window of tolerance. We work together to determine what you might do to move back into your window of tolerance. For example, we would name what happens in your body when you are outside your window of tolerance. The window of tolerance is just one of many tools we might use to help you regulate and learn more about your triggers and nervous system.

by Nancy Moore

Feeling Disconnected from God - Longing for More in Your Spiritual Journey

Fri, 18 Feb 2022 14:10:05 GMT

Have you felt disconnected from God?

Perhaps you had a meaningful and thriving connection at some point in your life. How do you get it back? It may coincide with depression, anxiety, or loneliness. With all of the strife and discord in our world, not to mention COVID, it is common to feel anxious or fearful. This may lead to a longing for the security and connection you once had with God.

I Recommend, Personal Reflection and our Christian Counselors at Bareiter in Charlotte are Equipped to Walk with you in your Journey of Exploration

Questions for reflection:

Have I been hurt or seen those I care about hurt by the church? It is hard not to throw out God, religion, and ‘religious people’ when this happens. But, it is important to remember that, unfortunately, part of being human is the harm our flaws, greed, and selfishness can inflict on others. Reflect on what is leading you to mistrust God and separate the hurtful experiences at the hands of people from what you know about God.
Was I wounded early in life by those meant to care for me? When we have early childhood wounds at the hands of adults meant to nurture us, unconsciously, we tend to project that mistrust, fear, or anger onto God. He often takes the hit for the abuse since, in our psyches as children, we cannot take in the truth of abuse by our caretakers. In therapy, you can separate the two - placing blame onto those to whom it belongs.
Express your genuine emotions to God. Share your raw, honest hurt, pain, disappointments, and regrets to God. Then watch and listen for him to comfort you. You can express this in writing, through your voice, or in artistic ways. Healthy relationships require honesty and our relationship with God requires the same for intimate connection.
Enter therapy to unpack your feelings towards God. At Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte, we have clinicians who understand the integration of faith and psychology. We are honored to walk with you through a journey of discovery that will help you look back to the origins of your disconnection, receive healing, and move forward in a growing and thriving relationship with God.

You are Not Alone: Many Have Found Therapy Helpful in Uncovering the Roots of Disconnection

You are not alone - this happens in our lives, and the healing journey can lead to a richer and more vibrant connection with God - one that leads to hope and security that can lift you beyond your fear and pain.

Please contact Bareiter Counseling Center for Spiritual Counsel.

Starting Couple Counseling: Charlotte Couples Therapist Shares About

Thu, 17 Feb 2022 12:17:52 GMT

Deciding to start couples counseling

Making the choice to start couples counseling is a really big step. After all, this person with whom you are struggling is one of the most important in your life. So, people often wonder, “When is the right time to start couples counseling?”

Some of the signs that you and your mate could potentially benefit from seeing a couples therapist are:

There is emotional distance in the relationship or connectedness is deeply diminished.
Negative patterns of disconnection have become frequent.
More of the focus is on the negatives than on the positives of the relationship.
Physical intimacy is a problem for one or both partners.
There are trust or commitment issues.
There has been a major stressor on the relationship that is changing the connection with each other (e.g., infidelity, financial strain, trauma, life transition, and/or family change).

Attitude is everything

Couples counseling can help, yet one critical factor in the effectiveness of couples counseling is your attitude about the therapy and whether you both are ready to change. Taking responsibility for your share of the problems in the relationship is an important first step towards reconnecting and finding effective solutions to whatever challenges come your way.

While in couples counseling you will learn about yourself and your relationship. The insight you gain into the “why” you do the things you do, either as an individual or as a couple, will give you the ability to make new choices or to think about things differently than you have in the past. So, don’t come to counseling expecting to change your mate. Sure, he or she may change; but set your expectations, instead, on being determined to learn more about how you contribute to the problems in the relationship. Also, be willing to learn what you need to know about why the disconnection is happening and what the alternate options are that can help you both get the kind of comfort and understanding you want in the relationship.

Don't wait until your relationship is at a breaking point

Remember, couples should seek counseling long before they’re in crisis mode; so it is prudent to take preventive measures to maintain the health of your relationship when there are early signs that something is off. Don’t wait until your relationship is at a breaking point because there is no shame in seeking the help of a therapist, especially if it will save your relationship down the line.

If you are experiencing one or more of the above signs or simply have a desire to maintain your healthy connection, couples counseling is available at Bereiter Counseling Center. To take the initial step, contact us at 704-334-0524 to make an appointment today.

By Sharon Exum

How to Express your Emotions Assertively

Fri, 11 Feb 2022 12:59:59 GMT

Charlotte relationship therapist shares about how to express your emotions assertively

“I want you to know how I feel!”

Knowing your feelings is one thing, and how to express them is another. While both can be challenging, many struggle significantly with the latter. Placing too little value on themselves, some people ignore how they feel (passivity). Others end up being angry or violent while conveying their emotions (aggression). Assertiveness is the middle ground between these two extremes. Assertiveness is a person’s ability to communicate their thoughts, needs, wants, opinions, emotions, and beliefs appropriately and effectively without discomfort or hostility. An assertive person knows how to express his feelings, ask for what she wants, or say no to something she doesn't want.

How to be assertive

Respect yourself. Become aware of your feelings, needs, and wants. These are as important as anyone else’s, and it’s OK to express them respectfully to others.
Clearly state your needs and wants in an appropriate speaking volume and steady voice. Express your emotions and opinions calmly. For example, say “No” when you need to.
Make eye contact and use confident body language, listen to what the other person is saying without interrupting the person.
Plan what you are going to say (writing it out) or rehearse (role-playing) if you need to.

You have the right to express all your feelings, positive or negative. However, it takes a lot of self-awareness to be assertive, which may require some in-depth work. Visit Bareitercc.com to learn more or call 704-334-0524 to make an appointment today.

Dealing Effectively with Grief and Loss a Charlotte Therapist’s Guide

Thu, 13 Jan 2022 18:00:43 GMT

Bareiter Therapists Explain the Stages of Grief

We all experience grief at some time or another in our lives. We can experience grief from any loss in our lives; from death of a loved one, loss of a job, an illness or declining physical or mental health, or loss of certain hopes and dreams. It can also occur after major life changes, such as retirement, separation or divorce, or moving. Grief is a normal process. But oftentimes we don’t know how to grieve in healthy ways because we are not taught how to. When we allow grief to fester and build, it can effect us negatively both physically and mentally. But over time, with healthy coping skills, we can move through our grief and let go of the burdens that we carry from it.

It can be helpful to understand that the grief that we experience often come in stages (Introduced by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross) These stages are not always linear, so we may experience one and move back to another one that we've felt before.

The stages of grief include:

Denial, confusion or shock- these are very normal feelings which often protect us from feeling the immensity of the loss.
Bargaining - this stage is often felt by continual feelings of what you could have done to prevent the loss in your life.
Depression- this stage often occurs when the reality of the loss has set in.
Anger- these feelings often come up because we feel helpless that the event has happened in our lives. We may have feelings of abandonment that lead to our anger.
Acceptance- When we get to a point where the pain is less and we believe that we will be alright.

Healthy Ways to Cope With and Move Past Grief

1. Acknowledge all of your feelings that come up. Journal these feelings or talk with loved ones about them. Expressing your feelings and allowing yourself to cry is an important part of the process.

2. Understand that grieving is a process that takes time. There is no set time for how long it takes. Allow yourself to grieve at your own pace.

3. Practice self care. Go for walks, get out in nature, take a bath or go to a spa, read a book, and eat nutritiously.

4. Professional counseling is one of the most effective ways to overcome your grief. Counseling does not “cure” your grief. Rather, it provides coping strategies to help you manage your grief in healthy ways. You may choose individual or family counseling, a support group or a combination of the three to help you cope with your unresolved grief.

At Bareiter Counseling Center, I work with individuals, ages twelve and older, and families who are experiencing varying degrees of grief and loss. To learn more about grief counseling and how it can help you, please contact 704-334-0524.

Melissa Fabeny

Great Strategy to deal with Anxiety shared by one of Charlotte Anxiety's Therapist

Wed, 05 Jan 2022 13:00:08 GMT

Bareiter Counseling Therapists for Anxiety Shares Trigger story

I heard a story the other day from a friend who works in a large office. She was momentarily terrified when she heard a series of shrieks and curses coming from the coworker in the next cube. She looked to see what was wrong and saw her office mate screaming and gesturing at her computer screen. Obviously, something had triggered a meltdown in someone who was already burdened with tension, stress, and who-knows-what-else.

Deep Breathing Method to Help with Anxiety

We've all heard the adage of counting to ten when we're angry. There's a lot of truth in that. In order to remain in control, it is important for us to slow down both mentally and physically. This can be accomplished by simply taking some deep breaths. The next time things seem to be spinning out of control, make the conscious effort to slow down by taking at least three slow breaths. Close your eyes, breathe slowly in through your nose, imagine your lungs inflating like a balloon, hold it for a few comfortable seconds then expel the breath through your mouth, imagining the balloon slowly deflating. You'll feel your body relaxing. Try several more deep breaths. This will slow your heart rate and decrease the feeling of anxiety, allowing you to slow down and gain perspective of the situation.

Going deeper: Therapy for Anxiety in Charlotte

This is one example of many ways to get yourself back to a calm base. It’s a simple exercise that can be done almost anywhere. What may not be simple to identify are the origins of your stress. Is it as simple as being stressed at the moment or is it an indicator or something deeper? Talk therapy is an excellent way to explore the root causes of anxiety and stress. I can help you process thoughts and feelings in a way that can find the roots of your stress so that they can be processed on a deeper, even more, effective level. Visit Bareitercc.com to learn more or call 704-334-0524 to make an appointment today.

Tips for Parents to Talk with their Teen shared by Charlotte's Therapist

Wed, 29 Dec 2021 13:00:06 GMT

Teen Counselor offer tips for supporting your teenager :

Do you want to connect?
As much as you can, let them come to you. Questions can often overwhelm kids and teens, and you may get more one-word answers than thoughtful responses. (Rapid fire questions often have this effect.)
Instead, if you are curious about their social lives or what they are learning at school, give them time to come to you when they are ready.
Then, make observations and ask thoughtful questions based on their disclosure.
In the meantime, being observant of their feelings and behaviors shows them that you are leaving the door open for these conversations. (*Planning a fun outing to their favorite restaurant or a fun activity is a great door opener for dialogue, as well.)
Are you concerned about behavior?
Find a calm moment without distractions (giving yourself time to think about responding rather than reacting).
Make observations about the behavior and let them know you are concerned and ask about their experience.
Seek to understand what has happened and what they need. If it was a personal offense, let your teenager know how their actions impacted you.
If you need to set a new limit or issue a consequence, you can include them in this conversation to focus on a fair solution for you both.
Being consistent in both establishing boundaries and consequences will naturally build trust.
Leading in this way allows you to maintain structure and model healthy conflict resolution strategies for your teenager.

Teen Counseling and Parent Counseling avaiable at Bareiter Counseling Center.

Guide to Setting Limits with Your Child

Wed, 22 Dec 2021 14:21:37 GMT

Bareiter Counseling Child Therapist’s First Strategy:

First, ACKNOWLEDGE your child’s feelings. This is the most important step of limit setting. You might need to spend extra time here and make sure you are in a compassionate headspace. Trust me; it will help! For so many kiddos, “no” is a trigger word. Either they shut down, ramp up, or prepare for a battle. Instead, begin your response by helping them feel seen, heard, and understood. Imagine you are holding up a mirror and reflecting their emotion.

For example, your child might have a hard time transitioning from a preferred activity to a non-preferred activity. They are playing outside, pouting about coming inside, and it is time for dinner.
Take a moment, and a deep breath, to observe what’s going on for your child. You might start with something like, “Wow! I can tell how much fun you are having out here. You feel disappointed when it’s time to do something different.”

Bareiter Counseling Child Therapist’s Second Strategy:

Second, COMMUNICATE the limit. Kids crave structure, consistency, and boundaries, even if it doesn’t always seem like it! Appropriate limits are healthy and necessary. It’s important to keep your tone calm and direct with this step. I like to use the word “and” to communicate my limit instead of “but” - - in this way, you can acknowledge feelings while also keeping firm in your boundary.

For example, “Wow, I can tell how much fun you are having out here. You feel disappointed when it’s time to come inside, AND it’s time for us to eat dinner together.

Bareiter Counseling Child Therapist’s Third Strategy:

Third, TARGET CHOICES. Choice giving is one of the most powerful parenting tools. Offering just a couple of alternatives you’re comfortable with is a win-win for both you and your child. It provides the opportunity for your kiddo to have some mastery and control they desire. Plus, decision-making will boost their confidence and self-esteem!

For example, “Wow, I can tell how much fun you are having out here. You feel disappointed when it’s time to come inside, AND it’s time for us to eat dinner together. You can choose to bring one thing from the outside inside, or you can choose to take a picture of what your favorite part of being outside was. Which do you prefer?

ACT Limit Setting is one of the specific techniques I use in Child-Centered Play Therapy with children ages 3 to 12. To learn more about Play Therapy and Parent Support with a Registered Play Therapist, please contact us at 704-334-0524.

Charlotte Dialectical Behavior Therapist (DBT) shares Helpful Coping Strategies to reduce extreme emotions, like anxiety and irritability, around the Holidays

Mon, 20 Dec 2021 15:17:46 GMT

Bareiter Counseling DBT Therapists for Anxiety and Stress shares helpful coping strategies for the Holiday Season

Family and friend relationships around the Holidays can lead to increased stress levels that can lead to anxiety and irritability. For some, the holidays are exciting and full of fun activities that include joyful, warm, meaningful moments with family and friends. The holiday can be a challenging time of distress, tension, anxiety, loneliness, pain, and fear. Nevertheless, it can include both eustress (positive stress) and distress (negative stress). Change in our routines, finances, environments, eating, exercise, and relationships are stressful, as change equals stress (eustress and distress).

Two Coping strategies for reducing and managing stress and extreme emotions, like anxiety and irritation around the Holiday Season

Coping skills to change your body chemistry to reduce intense emotions, like anxiety and irritability, associated with stress

Intense Exercise can calm down your body revved up by emotional stress.
Engage in intense exercise, if only for a short while.
Release your bodies stored up physical energy by running, sprinting, walking fast,
Jumping, playing a sport, lifting weights, etc.
Paired muscle relaxation with breathing out
While breathing into your belly, keep tensing your body muscles (not so much as to cause a cramp)
Notice the tension in your body.
While breathing out, say the word “Relax” in your mind.
Let go of the tension.
Notice the difference in your body.

Going Deeper: Therapy for managing Stress and Intense Emotions in Charlotte

These are two examples of many distress tolerance skills found in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills training that can be helpful to anyone experiencing extreme emotions caused by various stressors and triggers. Talk therapy can be a valuable way to explore this stress and intense emotions as it can increase understanding and awareness of the underlying causes of extreme emotional reactions. Practicing and learning the skills mentioned above can reduce the intense emotions and barriers that contribute to feeling “stuck.” Skills training can assist in accessing the ability to process and understand the purpose of emotions or underlying issues related to them to manage them more effectively. I have advanced training in DBT and would be honored to do deeper with you to explore and assist in teaching skills to manage these intense emotions. Visit Bareitercc.com to learn more or call 704-334-0524 to make an appointment today.

Back to School – Mindfulness in the Little Things

Wed, 11 Aug 2021 13:47:25 GMT

“Wherever you are, be there totally.” Eckhart Tolle

The upcoming school year has many of us overwhelmed and anxious and some of us on auto-pilot and zoned out. If you are like me, I appreciate the more structured schedule; though, the monotony can put me in a daze. Before I know it, it is usually the end of the calendar year and I feel like I missed out on the beauty and beginnings that make up the season of back to school and fall. Practicing mindfulness in the little things has helped me slow down and find calm in the chaos - see if it can be useful to you!

Wake up even just 10 minutes earlier than usual to sip tea, step outside, or meditate
Turn off the music or news in the car and just BE
Practice breathwork and using your 5 senses when you are waiting in line or in a rush - avoid scrolling through your phone in these moments
Eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner while sitting down at a table
Create something for the home that is inspired by the season – a wreath, fireplace display, or bouquet of flowers
Ask the kids (and then really listen) about something they liked about their day and something they might change
Start a gratitude practice as a family - reflect on/share something that each of you are thankful for at nightly dinner or bedtime

Lastly, give yourself grace in this new season and remember you will never experience quite the same season again.

Ongoing Internal Family Systems Group Supervision

Tue, 01 Jun 2021 10:48:35 GMT

Email carol@bareitercc.com for questions or to email your registration form

About Internal Family System s (IFS) Therapy

Internal Family Systems is an evidence-based model of therapy, developed by Richard Schwartz. IFS is non-pathologizing and empowers the client to become Self-led and (for those of faith), Spirit-led. So often we are hijacked by aspects of ourselves in an attempt to protect or numb us from pain. This model helps clients get to the root wounded parts and help them heal.

About IFS Group Supervision

In either the IFS Introductory or IFS Advanced group supervision, we will use didactic teaching, experiential exercises, meditation, demonstrations and practice or role-play. Working in a group can prove to be a powerful learning experience. The beauty of working with a consistent group to learn the model is the ability to learn more about your parts in the context of your story. This deepens both your clinical learning and personal development. We are the tool of therapy and this time of self-reflection can be invaluable.

Introductory IFS Groups

This group is for those relatively new to the models of IFS and experiential therapy. You may have read about IFS, had an IFS therapist or even attended the IFS Institute’s Level I training, but would like to deepen your understanding of the approach.

Advanced IFS Groups

This group is for clinicians who have attended the IFS Institute’s Level I and possibly Level II training and who have experience using the model with clients. You may want to deepen your work with IFS and journey with others applying this model of therapy. This group will be helpful in applying IFS and experiential therapy with difficult cases, populations, or presenting issues. We will also include applications to a variety of systems (couples and families).

Logistics

Our IFS groups are no larger than six individuals, committed for six months or more at a time. The group consists of presentation of cases, information of different aspects of the models or application to specific populations. We will include role play and other experiential methods. The learning may include looking at your own parts that may come in to play when working with clients. We desire to tailor the experience to meet your needs as much as possible.

Location : 1432 East 7th Street Charlotte, NC 28204 (or virtual) – this group will be a mix of both

Monthly for Six Months : Two hours, Fridays – beginning May 2021

Cost: $150

Contact : 704.334.0524; carol@bareitercc.com ; www.bareitercc.com

About your facilitator, Carol

Carol J. Hollandsworth, LCMHCS, LMFT, AAMFT-S, Certified IFS Therapist

(She is an AAMFT approved supervisor and LCMHC supe rvisor in North and South Carolina)

Carol is a certified IFS therapist; she has been practicing and studying the model since 2008. It is her passion to encourage growth of the Self of the therapist, help participants work with their therapist parts and deepen knowledge and application of IFS with clients. She has been a Program Assistant with IFS Level I training and presented on IFS in various venues.

In addition, Carol has training in psychodrama and experiential methods of therapy that may be included as an adjunct with IFS therapy.

Experiential IFS Group Therapy for Clinicians

Tue, 01 Jun 2021 10:36:26 GMT

An Experiential Exploration of Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

Email carol@bareitercc.com for questions or to email your registration form.

Details

Learning Objectives

To learn the basic tenets of the theory, goals and practice of Internal Family Systems (IFS). This will include a section on application to diverse populations / multicultural or religious considerations with clients.
Participants will receive an explanation of and examples of the concepts of Self and parts (managers, firefighters and exiles). This objective will instruct the students on application of the therapy to clients.
Exercises will be used for the participants to explore their core, authentic Self vs. their own protective (managers and firefighters) and wounded (exiles) parts. Self-exploration helps participants learn how to apply the model to clients.
Additionally, participants will learn methods of experiential therapy for use with IFS - this objective helps students adjust therapeutic methods based on styles of learning and other differences between clients.
Techniques: group style format, experiential therapy techniques, teaching/didactic with handouts, and opportunities for practice and/or demonstrations

About IFS

Internal Family Systems is an evidence-based model of therapy that is non-pathologizing and empowers the client to become Self-led and (for those of faith), Spirit-led. So often we are hijacked by aspects of ourselves in an attempt to protect or numb us from pain. This model helps clients get to the root wounded parts and help them heal.
About Carol: Carol is a certified IFS therapist; she has been practicing and studying the model since 2008. It is her passion to encourage growth of the Self of the therapist, help participants work with their therapist parts and deepen knowledge and application of IFS with clients. She has been a Program Assistant with IFS Level I training and presented on IFS in various venues.

In addition, Carol has training in psychodrama and experiential methods of therapy that may be included as an adjunct with IFS therapy.

Upcoming IFS Workshops

Tue, 01 Jun 2021 10:28:41 GMT

An Experiential Exploration of Internal Family Systems Therapy

Saturday, July 17, 9am-4pm – Limited to 7 people

1432 East 7th Street

Charlotte, NC 28204

Contact Hours: 5

An Experiential Exploration of Internal Family Systems Therapy has been approved by NBCC for NBCC credit. Bareiter Counseling Center is solely responsible for all aspects of the program. NBCC Approval No. SP-3473

Serenity and Courage – Applying the Wisdom of IFS in work with Addiction

Saturday, July 31st, 9am-3pm – Limited to 7 people

Contact Hours: 4

1432 East 7th Street

Charlotte, NC 28204

Serenity and Courage – Applying the Wisdom of IFS in work with Addiction has been approved by NBCC for NBCC credit. Bareiter Counseling Center is solely responsible for all aspects of the program. NBCC Approval No. SP-3634

Online and In-Person Therapy

Sun, 31 Jan 2021 18:48:53 GMT

Studies have shown that online therapy and in-person therapy are extremely valuable, and surprisingly, equally effective.

This corona virus is revealing many ways that the systems we rely on aren’t working, but fortunately, therapy doesn’t have to be one of them. The initial idea of sharing your thoughts and in-depth feelings through a computer screen or smart phone, may seem a bit strange, but as strange as it may sound, I would encourage you to try it. It has been a surprisingly good experience for many.

In this day and age, we don’t have to be in the same room as our therapist to receive quality mental health care. In this ultra-fast ever changing world, the way we tend to our mental health has never been more important. Teletherapy is an excellent option to continue and/or begin therapy services in the comfort of your own home while still following the social distancing protocols.

Studies have shown that online therapy and in-person therapy are extremely valuable, and surprisingly, equally effective.

Why is now an especially good time to talk to a therapist?

Currently we are experiencing unprecedented changes to our world, and the need for processing mentally and physically tiring whirlwinds of emotion is more important than ever. People are feeling confused, afraid, hopeless, untrusting paranoid, grief, resentment, boredom, and the list goes on. We are in uncharted territory right now, and we need support.

Our current state of affairs is having a huge impact on peoples’ mental health. Talking to a therapist will help you understand and manage the new normal as well as continuing to work on the things that were concerns for you before the crisis.

During this crisis, the lack of human connection that social distancing requires is adding an additional component of stress to our lives, we are fortunate to be able to keep up with our friends and family via social media, and there’s nothing like live conversation with someone, in person or video, having a designated space where you can open up and be vulnerable, and feel heard can make the difference. We are all adjusting our routines to fit this “new normal”, and making time for therapy will help you maintain the vital connection to the world and our relationships in an intimate way.

While this pandemic is devastating in a number of ways, we have been able to be innovative and find new ways to take care of our mental health while still doing our part to keep the community healthy.

Bareiter Counseling Center is a multi-disciplinary counseling center. Each therapist tailors their approach to you and makes a point to meet you where you are in the healing process. We will find the clinician who is the best fit for you and can serve your needs via online therapy.

Therapy is still readily available! Please call and speak with Cathy to schedule your appointment 704-334-0524 or go to our portal.

Preparing for your online therapy session

Your clinician will send you a link and any instructions that you will need to be able to use either your computer or your phone.

You will want to find a private area for your session. If you don’t have a room with a door you can close you can try sitting in your car or your garage, or a closet. For more privacy you can wear headphones during your session. You can also download white noise apps for free on your phone (RelaxMelodies).

If you would prefer a phone session that is another option as well.