Codependency is not personality but a behavioral pattern in relationships—an unhealthy interpersonal dynamic.  It expresses itself in different ways. A codependent person must be “needed” to have a relationship with others making it challenging to identify feelings, which often leads the person to minimize, alter or deny their feelings. Those with codependency issues value other people’s approval over their own. They may usually accept sex as a substitute for love. Codependent people perceive themselves as being utterly unselfish to the well-being of others. However, they may believe others are incapable of taking care of themselves. As a result, they become resentful when others refuse their offer of help. They tend to give advice and guidance freely without being asked or be generous about giving gifts and doing favors to those they like. They secretly expect the other person to live up to their expectations and cannot listen. A codependent person fixes, protects, rescues, and controls the other in a relationship. 

What Should I Do Then?     

1. Find out and learn more about yourself through in-depth soul searching 
2. Set firm boundaries with yourself and other people around you
3. Balance your and other’s needs: your needs are as important as theirs
4. Be prepared for criticism of being selfish and feeling guilty about your change
5. Know that they can take care of themselves: you don’t have to fix them
6. Trust and let go.
7. 
   

Codependency is complicated. The issues you are experiencing in your relationships may stem from a lack of awareness of your behavior being codependent, which makes the problems even more perplexing. If you think codependency is occurring in your relationships, visit Bareitercc.com or call 704-334-0524 to make an appointment today.