"My child just seems so far away lately."

If you have ever said that — or felt it — you are not alone. Parents often sense when something has shifted in their child, even before they can name it. Maybe your child has been acting out more than usual, withdrawing, clinging, or melting down over things that never used to matter. And maybe, in the busyness of daily life, meaningful connection has been harder to find than you would like.

The good news is that some of the most powerful tools for supporting your child's emotional health don't require a clinical setting. They require you — present, playful, and willing to follow your child's lead.

When Children Struggle, They Speak Through Play

Children are not miniature adults. They don't process difficult emotions the way grown-ups do — by talking through them. They process through play. When a child is overwhelmed, anxious, withdrawn, or acting out, it is often their way of communicating something they simply don't have words for yet.

The Association for Play Therapy defines play therapy as "the systematic use of a theoretical model to establish an interpersonal process wherein trained Play Therapists use the therapeutic powers of play to help clients prevent or resolve psychosocial difficulties and achieve optimal growth and development" (Association for Play Therapy, 2023). In other words, play is the language — and relationship is the medicine.

When children feel disconnected from their caregivers, that disconnection shows up in their behavior. Increased attention-seeking, outbursts, anxiety, and withdrawal are all signals that a child may be reaching for more connection — and not knowing how to ask for it.

This is where counseling and intentional playtime both have a role to play.

The Relationship Is the Intervention

One of the foundational principles in play therapy is that the relationship itself has the power to heal. Play Therapists are trained to create a therapeutic space where children feel safe, seen, and understood — and research consistently supports the effectiveness of this approach. A meta-analysis by Ray et al. (2015) found that play therapy produces significant positive outcomes for children across a wide range of emotional and behavioral concerns, including anxiety, depression, and trauma.

But here is something meaningful for parents to hold onto: therapists in some play therapy models teach that the most important "toy" in the playroom is the therapist — meaning that a warm, attuned relationship is what does the deepest work. That same healing power lives in you.

Working with a therapist who uses play therapy is typically the most effective path when a child is struggling significantly. Therapists and counselors at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte are trained to meet children exactly where they are. But what happens between sessions — at home, in the everyday moments — matters enormously too.

Special Playtime: A Simple Practice With a Profound Impact

What is special playtime, and is it the same as play therapy?

Special playtime is a structured, one-on-one connection practice rooted in play therapy principles — but designed for parents to use at home. It is not the same as play therapy, which requires a trained clinician. Think of it instead as a parent-led relational practice: a consistent, predictable window of time in which your child gets your full, undivided attention and the freedom to lead.

How does this kind of intentional play help with anxiety and behavior challenges in children?

When children know they can count on a reliable, joyful connection with their caregiver, it regulates their nervous system over time. It reduces the need to "act out" for attention. It builds felt security — the deep sense that they are loved, known, and not alone. Research in attachment theory supports this: children with secure caregiver relationships demonstrate greater emotional regulation, social competence, and resilience (Siegel & Hartzell, 2003).

Special playtime is not a cure-all, but it is a meaningful, research-informed practice that can reduce anxiety, soften behavioral struggles, and strengthen the parent-child bond. And there is truly no downside to more intentional connection with your child.

Here is how to get started:

1. Prepare your child. Let them know you are starting something new together called "special playtime." Frame it as a commitment — something they can look forward to and count on.
2. Protect the time. Aim for 20 to 30 minutes of uninterrupted connection. Silence your phone. Set aside your to-do list. This time is the priority.
3. Let your child lead. For these 20 to 30 minutes, your child is the boss of the play. Ask what to do, what character to play, how to respond. Release the "manager" role for a little while.
4. Match their energy. If they need dramatic play, be dramatic. If they are silly and wild, meet them there. Your full engagement communicates that they are worth showing up for.
5. Keep everyone safe. It is okay — and important — to maintain gentle boundaries during special playtime. You can stay connected and still set a limit. (See our blog on ACT Limit Setting for more guidance on how to do this warmly and directly.)
6. Give a five-minute warning. Let your child know when the time is almost up. If they protest or feel sad when it ends, gently reflect: "It really was so fun, wasn't it? And we'll do it again." That reassurance matters.

The benefit of this practice, done consistently, is cumulative. Over time, children who experience regular, attuned one-on-one time with a caregiver show fewer attention-seeking behaviors, greater emotional regulation, and stronger trust in their relationships. And parents often report something unexpected: they find themselves feeling more patient, more curious, and more genuinely connected to their child.

An Invitation to Reflect

Reflection Prompt: When did you last play with your child — not supervising, not multitasking, but truly playing? What would it feel like to offer them that kind of presence consistently?

Gentle Practice: This week, try one 20-minute special playtime session. Put your phone in another room. Let your child choose the activity. Notice what you observe about them — and about yourself.

Spiritual Anchor: "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." — Proverbs 22:6

You Don't Have to Do This Alone

If you are noticing increased outbursts, withdrawal, anxiety, or attention-seeking in your child, those behaviors are worth paying attention to — and they are worth getting support for. Special playtime is a beautiful place to start, but sometimes children need more than a parent can provide on their own. That is not a failure. That is wisdom.

Our therapists and counselors at Bareiter Counseling Center in Charlotte include therapists who work with children, adolescents, and families navigating a wide range of challenges — from anxiety and depression to trauma and behavioral concerns. We would be honored to partner with you.

Call us at 704-334-0524 to learn more or schedule an appointment. Your child is worth it — and so are you.

References

Association for Play Therapy. (2023). Play therapy defined. https://www.a4pt.org

Ray, D. C., Armstrong, S. A., Balkin, R. S., & Jayne, K. M. (2015). Child-centered play therapy in the schools: Review and meta-analysis. Psychology in the Schools, 52(2), 107–123. https://doi.org/10.1002/pits.21798

Siegel, D. J., & Hartzell, M. (2003). Parenting from the inside out: How a deeper self-understanding can help you raise children who thrive. Tarcher/Penguin.