Eight-year-old Marcus sits in the principal's office again. His teacher describes him as "disruptive," "defiant," and "unable to focus." His parents feel frustrated and defeated, wondering why their son can't just "behave." But what if Marcus's behavior isn't about defiance at all? What if it's his way of communicating something much deeper?

The Hidden Language of Behavior

When children experience trauma—whether from abuse, neglect, witnessing violence, or even seemingly less severe events like family divorce or medical procedures—their developing brains adapt to survive. Research shows preliminary evidence for the efficacy of trauma-informed approaches in improving the mental and emotional well-being of children, yet many families and even professionals still view challenging behaviors through a lens of discipline rather than understanding.

Bonnie Badenoch, a leading expert in relational neuroscience and trauma-informed care, emphasizes that "trauma survivors and those with significant attachment wounds" need support to "reshape their neural landscape". This neuroplasticity—the brain's ability to form new connections—offers hope for healing when we approach children with compassion rather than punishment.

The Trauma-Informed Solution

Trauma-informed care represents a fundamental shift in how we understand and respond to children's behavior. Instead of asking "What's wrong with this child?" we begin to ask "What happened to this child?" This simple reframe opens doors to healing that traditional disciplinary approaches cannot.

Research supports this approach: studies show that exposure to adverse, potentially traumatic events in childhood is not uncommon, with some data indicating that 55% of preschool children had experienced one adverse childhood experience and 12% had experienced more than three.

Creating Safety Through Understanding

The foundation of trauma-informed care rests on creating physical and emotional safety. For children like Marcus, this means recognizing that his "disruptive" behavior might actually be his nervous system's attempt to feel safe in an environment that triggers memories of past experiences.

Here are practical steps parents and caregivers can take:

• Observe patterns: Notice when challenging behaviors occur. Are there specific triggers like loud noises, transitions, or certain people?
• Regulate yourself first: Children co-regulate with the adults around them. Your calm presence becomes their anchor.
• Validate emotions: "I can see you're really upset right now. That makes sense" communicates safety without condoning harmful actions.
• Create predictable routines: Consistency helps traumatized nervous systems begin to relax and trust.

The benefit of this approach extends far beyond behavior management. When children feel truly seen and understood, their capacity for connection, learning, and growth naturally expands. Research suggests that traumatized children need "safe, stable, and nurturing relationships and environments" to heal and thrive.

• A New Lens for Understanding

Returning to Marcus in the principal's office: when his school began implementing trauma-informed practices, they discovered that his "disruptive" behavior often occurred during fire drills—the loud alarm triggered memories of domestic violence he'd witnessed years earlier. With this understanding, they developed strategies to help him feel safe during these events, and his overall behavior improved dramatically.

This is the power of seeing behavior as communication rather than defiance. Every child has a story, and when we take time to understand that story with compassion, we create space for genuine healing and growth.

If your family is struggling with challenging behaviors, or if you suspect trauma may be impacting your child's development, know that help is available. At Bareiter Counseling Center, our therapists are trained in trauma-informed approaches that honor your child's story while building pathways to healing. Contact us at 704-334-0524 to learn more about how trauma-informed counseling can support your family's journey toward understanding and hope.

References:

Australian Institute of Family Studies. "Trauma-informed care in child/family welfare services." AIFS Policy and Practice Papers. https://aifs.gov.au/resources/policy-and-practice-papers/trauma-informed-care-childfamily-welfare-services

Badenoch, B. "Cultivating Presence Over Technique." The Trauma Therapist Project, July 11, 2021.

Butler, L. D., et al. "Trauma Informed Child Welfare Systems—A Rapid Evidence Review." PMC, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6651663/

ZERO TO THREE. "Trauma-Informed Practices in Early Childhood Education." October 31, 2024. https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/journal/trauma-informed-practices-in-early-childhood-education/