Believing in the goodness of every human being and believing there is hope and freedom is an essential part of healing from trauma. We can recreate what we didn’t have growing up.  Delight, honor, and love are what change us.   Yet, one of our biggest obstacles to healing is what we come to believe about ourselves and the shame we feel.  Facing our contempt with curiosity and compassion can be a way to get to the pain and grief about our stories. 

A few helpful questions to start the healing process are: How was my heart broken in my life? How well did my parents attune to me, respond to me, engage with me, and repair with me? 

Betrayals in our younger years shape us.   As children, the first thing we do is adapt and cover our broken hearts to feel safe.  Children can read motives and intentions and sense the dis-ease in their families.  Yet when we are children, the dis-ease in our families often prevents parents from being a safe place.  When a child’s nervous system is overwhelmed, it needs protective strategies to cope.  These ways of protection usually work well for children and shape ways of relating as adults, but they can prevent us from developing the kind of relationships we long for. 

Deep hurts develop when we have not felt “delighted in” during childhood.  It can be difficult to face our wounds, yet we need to understand our trauma to heal and grieve what we endured. Memories can often become fragmented, but healing can begin by honoring what we know with kindness and curiosity. Naming what is true can be life-changing. We need to ask ourselves, what am I refusing to name? Where do I need help? What do I know but don’t know? 

Would you like to compassionately and curiously face the contempt that may have developed during childhood? Would you like to unpack the ways that your heart has been broken and understand your trauma? Call Bareiter Counseling Center and schedule an appointment.  You can experience the joy and freedom that God meant for you.



By Beth Ann Bareiter

MA, LCMHC, LMFT, AAMFT Approved Supervisor

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor 

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist